dear_mun | (no subject)

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(no subject)

No.

No, nope, I am not being dragged into your half-cocked plans -- not this time, not ever. You think I don't know what kind of things you get up to with your scheme-y friends? Don't you think I've suffered enough mental anguish? I'm still dealing with the v-word problem, I don't have time for this!

Okay, okay, I'm sorry for yelling at you, but still, no. Noooooo.

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Uh. I'm not sure? It hasn't come up, but he's not exactly putting the moves on m--wait, what fine-ass lady?

Whhhhhyyyyy do you need to know? You interested?! Dude, I'm just pimping out my bff, no biggie. Don't make it weird. She needs to eat.

Oh! Oh, well pffffine, that's fine! Uh! No but seriously, I have zero clue where he falls or...if he's looking? Jesus. "This is Conrad, single and looking." Jesus!

WOAH! Wait. Did you think I meant me? You totally thought I meant me! Which means... you think I'm a fine-ass lady! And I don't care if he's looking, we're gonna fix this. Do you know how many crazies are out there snatching up virgins for weird, kinky, sacrificial bullshit?! A LOT!

I didn't--I mean you are a-- [HM!] Dragons!

Dragons?

Steal virgins! We can protect him from dragons!

Where are you getting this? Is that written down somewhere? What do the dragons even do with all these stolen virgins-- never mind. Do not actually want to know. We'll just get him laid and save the day. Deal!?

Deal! I don't see how any of this could possibly go wrong.

I hate you.

You'll love me when you aren't getting tail from a giant flying lizard.

You're assuming I'm a virgin. And that dragons are a thing that actually -- please tell me dragons don't actually exist and steal virgins. Not that I'm concerned.

Just interested in riding your white horse in to rescue the princess?

Just interested in avoiding more supposed-to-be-mythical creatures.

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