dear_mun | re: current game and definite plans for a transplant to a certain tower in the future

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re: current game and definite plans for a transplant to a certain tower in the future

You're a real piece of work, you know that?

[ It's more a statement than a question, one imbued with a definite degree of fondness and... well-earned exasperation, the sort only a mundane can properly draw out. ]

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for the opportunity to stretch my legs after that impromptu vacation. It was nice and I'm excited to give this Johto-Kanto place another shot. Third time's the charm, right? I honestly think we're off to a pretty decent start, which isn't to say I don't have my concerns. I do. Your scheming is the biggest one and don't try to tell me you aren't up to something. We both know you are. You've fallen off the bed more than five times in under two weeks. That's a record for you. You're lucky there's carpet to break your fall or you'd have used a whole box of band-aids by now. Your enthusiasm, though refreshing, is concerning, but it won't shake me, not this time. I'm in this for the long haul, so you'd better sit down and buckle up. The road may get slick.

I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at with this tower place, though. Yes, I looked at it and no, I'm not about to feign surprise or indignation that you'd try to make it a second 'home' for me. We've been together five years. I know you and you know me well enough to know I've got concerns. I'm not going to happily go without any objections. I can handle monsters. I can handle hazardous missions and I can handle untrustworthy authority figures. That's in my regular job description. I can handle anything you throw at me, but the destruction of a world isn't something I want hanging over my head, let alone of the world I've only just been introduced to. I'm not okay with that.

[ She really, really isn't okay with that and the very brief, uncomfortable pause might just give that away. She picks right back up, though. ]

Look, I'm not asking you to promise me anything. Once you get started, it's like trying to stop a behemoth. You get your heart set on something. You charge, you run clean through a wall that's vaguely shaped like the story of my life, and I'm left to sweep up the pieces using a metaphorical broom and dustpan. My sweeping skills, metaphorical and literal, are unrivaled for this reason, but that's besides the point. What I want you to do is take things reasonably slow. It's my understanding that you plan to, albeit probably for nefarious reasons. I'm not sure I'm okay with that, but I'll take it over your ripping another whole through space and time and tossing me through that with some immediacy.

For now, let's just focus on what's in front of us and have some fun, okay?

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Your... third time!?

It is, not that I can recall the first two.

[ And while she has some rather strong feelings about that, they're certainly not something to be brought up here and now. She'll simply save that for another day, another talk with her mundane. It certainly isn't this young lady's fault and speaking of this young lady -- ]

If I'm not mistaken, you're the young lady I've been hearing about. Blue Christia, right?

Three times...! [ *^* and it's only her first, YOU'RE SO EXPERIENCED *^* ]

That's me! And you're the big sister I heard so much! You can call me Chris, that's what all my senpai call me!

Edited 2013-01-17 15:48 (UTC)

Ah? [ She doesn't quite under Christia's excitement. Having been there three times now is sort of a sore point for her considering she's had to leave twice, but it's a little difficult to linger on that at the moment. She brightens. ]

It's nice to meet you, Chris. You can call me Val, if you'd like.

looks like theyre both plotting shit if my muns mind is anything to go by.
and i can say i dont fucking like it at all.
i dont want you anywhere near that tower.
youre better off staying where i can actually watch out for you.
not that im underestimating you.
ive heard enough to know that youre more than capable of handling it.
but still.
i dont even care if i get a pokemon out of the deal or not.
you should fight tooth and nail to stay the fuck away.
then again i guess this is pointless.
its not really up to you.

[ That... is a stronger response than she was expecting. Give her a minute to reread it once, twice. She doesn't think she's misreading. Huh. ]

She's already started the application. At this point, there's nothing I can do to change her mind. It would be a waste of breath to try to persuade her. I could make it difficult, but in my experience, the backlash isn't worth it and --

[ She pauses, albeit briefly. ]

I wouldn't call it pointless, Bro. If you feel that strongly about my going to that tower, though, I have to wonder, just who's watching out for you there?

oh of course she has.
alright then.
im sorry, then.
that youve gotta go there.
because its somewhere i wouldnt wish on my worst fuckin enemy.
you wont be alone though.
just remember that one.

no one.
i dont need watching out for.
i can take care of myself.
you dont need to worry bout that.

Yeah.

[ And somehow, she manages a smile at that. Not one of those casual little things she issues in passing, but one of the rarer, genuine sort. ]

Yeah, thanks, Bro. That means a lot to me.

[ More than she's saying, really. It's almost kind of funny, too, reading those words on the screen, because they're words she's intimately familiar with. A well placed smile, a casual wave -- it's easy enough to say them without saying them and most people are none the wiser to them when she does. They let it go, too wrapped up in their own concerns to question it, or too respectful, one. She... doesn't really want to let this one go, though. ]

Maybe I want to. Did you ever think about that?

[His response doesn't come immediately. He's just... going over everything she said. Honestly he can't even begin to fathom why she would say that. It's almost scary, and it comes from his deep rooted fear of getting close to people. The idea that she would want to look out for him? It confuses him.

So to answer her question, no. No, he never thought about that. And it makes him even more reluctant for her to go to the tower. Because he doesn't want her to get hurt- not by the tower, and not by him... He's not sure which one he'd be unable to live with more.

This is why he doesn't grow attached to people.]

now why the hell is that ever a thing you would want to do?

[ She pauses. Has to, really, because his question is a loaded one, one she's not entirely sure how to answer initially because she realizes she's stepping into territory she easily considers dangerous. No, she already has and she isn't entirely sure when that happened or if she should step back. Some part of her says she should, but she doesn't. She can't quite bring herself to and that in itself is somewhat confusing. More confusing than that is just how much certainty lines her words when she speaks. ]

Why the hell wouldn't I? I mean, it's not that I don't think you can take care of yourself. I know you can. It's just --

[ It's just a lot of things she isn't sure she should be saying, but everything she's said links up to the next and answers the rather alarmed question of, How did we get here? How did they get there, indeed. The looming threat of the tower, the consequences of her being sent there -- that's it. That has to be it and she takes a quiet breath. Thinking, feeling. ]

If I lose you once, what makes you think I'd be willing to risk that happening again?

[He doesn't understand. His first thoughts would be that she'd be better off losing him. That he's not... worth these feelings. Because he isn't. Has he wanted to be with people before? Yes. But he's stopped himself. And this... this is all coming on fast. This... thing with her. Whatever it even is. He doesn't know how to feel about any of it besides scared, even if he doesn't want to admit to the fact that he's scared.

Being cared for just puts people in danger. He's not worth it. He doesn't want to end up hurting anyone, let alone her. She doesn't know what she's getting into, and he's afraid that he won't be able to stop it if anything were to happen between them. He knows he doesn't have to really worry about it for a while, considering she isn't coming to the tower just yet.

And he hopes he won't even have to worry about it, because he won't remember her. And... that thought shouldn't upset him as much as it does. It's an unholy mixture of relief and pain and he hates it. God, this entire thing is frustrating as hell and he doesn't know how to handle any of this.]

if i were you id consider losing me a good thing.
im not worth your concern and i dont need looking after.
you should worry about watching your own back.
not mine.
youre only gonna get hurt if you dont.

[ It's the first statement that knocks the breath out of her lungs. She isn't sure what she had been expecting, but that wasn't it and for a moment, she simply stares at the letters. It's all she can really bring herself to do. 'A good thing,' he said. Typed. It registers with some finality and she finds herself shaking her head before she can stop herself. ]

You're not me.

[ If he was, he would know that would be the farthest thing from the truth. To lose someone is... there are no words that can accurately describe it. It's painful, but it's more than that and the thought alone is terrifying. There's the disconnect. There's the static in the heart and the head and -- and gods, she doesn't want to think about it. Doesn't want to go there. She's been trying not to since she was informed what her arrival at the tower would mean for so many people. People she's only just met, people she hasn't, people she's sure to know and genuinely care for by the time she's forced to that new and unfamiliar place and she's sure he'll be one of them. It's not often she hits it off so well with someone. She still isn't entirely sure how that happened. One moment, she was asking for information and in the next, he'd manage to throw her completely. Of course, she's grateful not to be alone in that strange, foreign world. She's grateful to be traveling with him and Roxanne, she just... doesn't trust him not to grow on her. He already is and fast, so fast that it scares her. At least, it should, but her mind is too tied up to realize it. There, not here. Here, she does. She knows. She just can't snap herself out of it and she isn't entirely sure she would if she could because -- because some part of her doesn't want her to.

It's that same part of her that has her tensing at five particular words: "i'm not worth your concern." Did she read right? She reads them again. Apparently, she had read them right, but she doesn't understand. They don't make any sense to her. That he could think that doesn't make any sense to her. Makes her want to take him by the shoulders and shake him because that's just not true an -- and gods, she should step back. She needs to step back, but she doesn't. She won't. She may be scared, terrified even, but she makes her own decisions and she won't let them be influenced by text on a screen no matter how much sense some of that text may make when taken out of context and rearranged. She exhales quietly. ]

If you were me, that couldn't be farther from the truth. That I'm going to lose you is one of the worst things about all of this and I'm not even sure how I'm going to handle it because when I think about it, it feels like I'm waiting to lose one of the best things in my life. You're not worth my concern? You're right. You're more than worth it. That's how I feel and I'll argue that point until I'm blue in the face if you really want to have a go about that. Maybe you don't need looking after, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be there for you. I might not always say the right thing, but at the very least, I can do that. I'm --

[ Saying entirely too much. Feeling entirely too much. She needs to stop. Should've stopped sooner when there was still some hope of repairing the damage dealt with every word. She's not sure there is now. Her shoulders slump even as she lifts a gloved hand to her face. ]

I'm going to get hurt no matter what I do. I think I already am.

[That's the problem- her problem is his problem. She's grown attached to him scarily fast, and he's grown attached to her just the same. It's scary to him just as much as it's scary to him. He's always stopped himself from getting close to people, always made sure there's a wall between him and everyone else. It's a defense mechanism both for himself and for other people. He would wind up hurting anyone he fell for, and allowing himself to get close to anyone is just downright selfish when you're the kind of guy he is. He's not worth getting close to. He's poisonous. He's good for a quick lay and that's that. If that's what she was interested in, then that would be fine. But they both know that's just not something that can happen. Somehow, inexplicably, they're both already in way too fucking deep for that to ever be safe to do. That alone is fucking terrifying.

The fact she's coming to the tower just makes it all the worse, because at least in Route, he's... being selfish. He's going after someone. Or at least pining after someone, an endeavor he ultimately considers to be pointless. Even Roxanne deserves someone better. Someone that isn't him, and he knows that she'll probably never go for him anyway. As much as he wants her, he knows it probably won't happen. But the fact is, he's too busy pining after Roxanne to notice much in Route. But... The Tower? That's a whole other situation entirely. There, he's more vulnerable. Vulnerable but at the same time even more guarded than he is anywhere else because of the fact that he's so dead set on protecting Dave. He doesn't know how it will go, and a part of him is afraid he'll end up hurting her there.

That's stupid though. He'll hurt her anywhere. Just some places more than others. And at the same time, he's afraid of what might happen if somehow she gets too close. If he lets his guard down- and the reason he's afraid of that happening is because he feels like it could happen with her. He doesn't know how, he doesn't know what she's done to slip into his heart like this, but somehow it's happened and he doesn't know how to stop it. If he can stop it. He fully intends to try, but at the same time... Once she's there, he knows she'll completely and totally catch him off guard. He isn't ready for that.

He wasn't ready for any of this.]

i just wanna take the time to tell you something.

youre fucking ridiculous.
and i dont mean that in an insulting way.
you dont know what youre getting into.
youre in too deep already and you need
to back
out.
before its too late for the both of us.
alright?
i mean that with every fiber of my being.
you need to.
please.

Words you may come to regret soon enough.

And how do you figure that, Loki?

[ Mind, she can think of quite a number of words and quite a number of ways, but she's fairly certain he has something more particular in mind. He has her undivided attention. ]

One never tells their writer to have fun.

[ That's how you get kidnapped by aliens and your hand cut off. ]

Oh, she'll have her fun either way. After five years together, I've learned that much.

[ And that it's usually at her expense. This time is no exception, she's sure of that. ]

My congratulations on your ability to tolerate someone like that for so long.

You don't appear to be doing so badly yourself.

My attempts at mass writer genocide have been repeatedly thwarted, as of late.

Loki.

Do not scold me, it would have been a favour to you.

There are other ways, you know.

Asking politely has yet to win me any favours.

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re: current game and definite plans for a transplant to a certain tower in the future

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