What am I even doing? Potentially at a_fac fourth wall event

[therearefourlights]

I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation starship USS Enterprise.  I must insist that you cease this hostile action and return me to my ship.  Kidnapping and imprisonment is a crime against any sentient species and particularly against a species as independent as humans.  I will not cooperate in any way.

While I can agree that visiting a space station would be within my area of expertise, I have no interest in being part of torture that is passed off as experimentation.  My ship is currently en route to Sigma Alpha 4 on a mission of mercy.  Return me to my ship immediately or this will be considered an act of war by the Federation.

Comments

[heathermason]

Oh, dude. You so do not wanna come here. I don't care what it takes. Punch your mun if you have to. This place sucks some serious ass.

[therearefourlights]

[Slow blink, young lady, because that's a lot of grammar abuse in forms he's not used to.]

I'm certain we can resolve this conflict without resorting to physical violence. I have no intention of setting foot on that station.

[heathermason]

[Heather is grammar abuse incarnate]

There's not much you can resolve without physical violence when it comes to muns. Seriously. How have you not noticed by now?

[therearefourlights]

I've noticed quite the opposite in my travels. Most situations can be resolved without violence, and often to better effect than violence.

[heathermason]

Oh yeah? Obviously those situations didn't involve muns...

[captainpike]

[Frowning] Not you too. [Was every captain he ran across in charge of the Enterprise???] I would love to know when I get my own ship back.

[therearefourlights]

Not me as well? Have we met?

[captainpike]

No, sir, we have not. Captain Christopher Pike, USS Enterprise...or so I thought last I checked. [However that uniform isn't quite right, so Chris is wondering if something else is going on.]

[therearefourlights]

Captain Pike --

[Well, that explains the antique uniform.]

Yes, I read of your career in the academy. It's an honor to meet you. I captain the Enterprise E, several generations past the Enterprise where you are stationed.

[captainpike]

Ah...that explains it. [His icy demeanor defrosting now that he knew no one was taking his ship. Chris puts out a handshake.]

Nice to meet you, Captain Picard. The Enterprise is fairly new with me. The name must be holding up well.

[therearefourlights]

[Picard loses some of his formality as he returns that handshake.]

The pleasure is mine, Captain Pike. And the Enterprise continues to be the fleet's flagship in each generation. It's a pity I can't give you a tour, I think you would be pleased to see the latest in the line.

[captainpike]

I would like that...however, I get the idea that crossing timelines like that would be problematic. The Vulcan approach is that time travel isn't even possible. [Hanging around here, he's found that anything was possible.]

Where did you command prior to the Enterprise? [They might as well talk shop.]

[therearefourlights]

As we're both rapidly learning, the Vulcans are not infallible.

I was captain of the Stargazer before the enterprise. A Constellation-class ship, and not the most glamorous of posts, but she served me well for over twenty years.

[captainpike]

[Chris nods as he listens] I took over the Enterprise from Captain April. I have a Vulcan science officer in fact. Good man to have on any mission. [Faint smirk] Though I may be biased when it comes to my own crew.

[therearefourlights]

We all suffer a certain amount of bias when it comes to our own crew, especially senior officers. I have an android as my science officer and I can't imagine anyone doing as fine a job as what he has done.

[captainpike]

An android? That's unusual. I've never heard of androids substituting for a science officer on a starship. He's pretty reliable, I take it? [Pike is picturing more of a mechanical man plugged right into the science station.]

[therearefourlights]

Mr. Data is the only android serving as a Star Fleet officer, so it is very unusual. His career has been exemplary.

[captainpike]

[He can't help a smirk at that, an android with a career?] So he's a full officer then? Not just plugged into the starship's computers?

[rubbing his chin thoughtfully] Can he improvise should the need arise? [Computers generally weren't that good at thinking for themselves.]

[sonof_mogh]

Captain? Who is responsible for this? [He was in security mode now.]

[therearefourlights]

It appears, Mr. Worf, that I have acquired a mundane. It's not a situation that I'm enjoying. I assume that you have a similar problem that has brought you here.

[sonof_mogh]

They do not seem to understand us at times. Mine once wanted to place me on a planet full of tribbles. Something I do not want to have to endure.

[therearefourlights]

I can't say that I'm surprised. It sounds as though most of these mundanes are focused on causing their charges pain and suffering. I'm relieved you've managed to avoid that fate.

[sonof_mogh]

It may seem that way. I am not afraid whatever my mun wishes to throw at me. A Klingon never backs down from any challenge.

Sir, I will aid you in any way I can.

[therearefourlights]

Of course you're not. I would expect nothing less.

I appreciate your offer, Mr. Worf, though it seems that we are both caught in situations that require us to cope on our own. Hopefully my stay on the station will only be for the planned two weeks.

[sonof_mogh]

Indeed, it seems that way.

How are you coping, sir?

[straightontilmorning]

[A small nod in acknowledgement of their shared rank.] Captain.

[She likes meeting later captains of Enterprises okay.]</small?

[therearefourlights]

[She gets a polite nod in return, though he has no idea who this is.] I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

[straightontilmorning]

Captain James T. Kirk, Enterprise NCC-1701.

[therearefourlights]

[He sighs, looking mildly exasperated.]

Very amusing, but as I've actually met Captain Kirk, I'm not sure what point there is to this little farce.

[straightontilmorning]

[Oh, Picard.]

Don't tell me you've never come across parallel dimensions, Captain.

[therearefourlights]

Parallel dimensions, even some alternative time lines, but in none of these cases was there a discrepancy so large as a change in gender.

Are you proposing that you are simply from different universes? That you are the Captain James T. Kirk?

[straightontilmorning]

There are bigger discrepancies to be had. For example, my mun tells me there's a certain universe where a certain Commander Jean-Luc Picard serves on the Enterprise under Captain Crusher. What's a few chromosomes between Captains?

[therearefourlights]

[Captain . . . Crusher. That causes a brief blue screen of death moment, since serving for either Crusher would be just too weird for words.]

You have a point. But what kind of captain would I be if I simply took your word on this? There has to be a way you can prove that what you are saying is true.

[straightontilmorning]

What would you suggest?

[therearefourlights]

Working with the assumption that you are, in fact, from a parallel universe, we cannot assume that any information I would know about Captain Kirk would still be accurate.

Perhaps it would be easier to simply take you at your word, that you are Captain Kirk, but assume that I know nothing about your career.

[sonof_worf]

Sir? Have you seen my father anywhere?

[therearefourlights]

Yes, I did see him here. Have you been unable to locate him?

[sonof_worf]

I can't find him anywhere, sir. Do you know his last location?