dear_mun | (no subject)

Entry tags:

type: original

(no subject)

Wait just a second, here. I'm going from being a guy whose idea of a great Friday night is reading really old books while sipping chocolate milk out of a champagne flute, to second-in-command of a 14th century army?

[It's subject to change, Lyran. Really subject to change.]

...I don't know how to use a sword! I'm a bookworm! I read about ancient battles, not fight them!

[Confidence! Get some!]

Reality. Go find it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Did somebody give you a time machine, or what?

A spell book, actually. It was a birthday present.

[Except Tess didn't know what it was when she gave it to him. Too bad he didn't know what it was, he might've given it back. ...Wait, no he wouldn't.]

And you can't get back?

I'm kind of afraid to try.

[Because he's actually not sure what the hell he said that opened the portal to begin with.]

I've got some friends here anyway.

Good points.

Tess isn't going to think so, if I ever get back. Probably kick my ass for taking forever.

...Or she'll burn some of my books.

[He'd rather take the ass-kicking, seriously.]

Isn't book-burning a little harsh?

[Now he grins a bit.]

Depends on which books she tries to light up. As long as she stays away from my first editions.

...Okay, it'd be harsh for all of them, but she's threatened me with it before. It gets my attention.

What century are you from, by the way? And by what calendar?

21st. You can see why the 14th century thing is kind of throwing me.

[Electric lights, he misses them.]

Um, Gregorian? Why, when are you from?

Not when so much as where--I'm an alien.

...Bullshit.

Really?

[Aliens aren't actually a thing, right? Though he's always thought of them more as little green men, so. And hey, he believes in vampires.]

Where're you from?

Gallifrey.

It's gone now--there was a Time War. Nasty things, Time Wars.

[Saying he'd never heard of it would be stupid (for obvious reasons), so he won't.]

Wars in general tend to suck. Why was it called a Time War?

Imagine a war in which every soldier has a time machine. People going back in time to prevent ambushes, trying to keep the war from ever having started, recursive battles, dozens of the same person forming one-man squads, bombs that kill people before they were born or sent them to the very end of history.

If you can do that, you are slightly closer to imagining what a Time War is like. But only slightly, because a Time War can envelop galaxies and continue for billions of years. They can pervert evolution, driving entire species mad due to their bodies no longer matching their instincts and memories. Battalions of people who were never born and cannot die fight endlessly. Time loops, splits and eventually shatters, turning square lightyears of space into indescribable chaos.

I fought in the Last Great Time War, and now I've been a madman since I was eight years old.

[...Wow. Just...]

And I thought I had it bad. Sorry.

[Lyran looks him over curiously; the guy doesn't seem nuts, but then again, what's that thing about not judging books by their covers?]

You seem pretty sane to me.

[Here's to hoping he doesn't regret that comment.]

Well yes, because I'm not trying to eat you yet.

Would you like that to change?

[Yep, he's regretting it.]

No thanks, I have enough problems with some of the vampires in the castle thinking I'm food despite being marked off limits.

[Not a lot of them, but even one is too much.]

Now I really am tempted . . . sorry.

[Yeeeah. And he's completely ignoring his mun's snickering. She'll get her's.]

I'm pretty sure I'm poisonous to alien lifeforms. And native ones, actually.

Somehow I doubt that.

Hey, it was worth a shot. Let's just avoid the eating thing, huh?

[Awe, poor Lyr. Mummy won't let you get gnawed on. We're saving that for the vampires!]

Not even one bite?

*Aww, but the Master's hungry!*

Nope, sorry. There's probably a bunch of other people around here that wouldn't mind being a walking snack.

[Lyran would not like to be compared to a can of Pringles, thanks.]

Not enough of them, though.

*People are more filling than Pringles. They taste better, too!*

Don't they last you a while? You don't go through a whole person in a day, do you?

[All the facepalming by the mun. Forever.]

Oh, I can go through several. My metabolism got fucked up a few years ago, and now it's somewhere on the far side of 'hummingbird.'

*Seconded.*

[If Lyran were a scientist, he might be pulling out a notebook by now. However, he's just a nerdy rich boy that ended up in a vampire prince's army. So-]

That's...really gross.

And? Biology in general is gross.

Which is why people walk around keeping their skin on.

[He's going to become a vegetarian now. :\ ]

And other creatures' skins, as well.

[Why'd he have to point that out, Lyran likes his leather coat.]

Bah.

[Well, that was eloquent.]

Humbug? *He grins.* At least it isn't other people.

. . . well, not often at least.

[Lyran's just going to stare at you for a moment. Please don't be serious, please don't be serious...]

Congratulations, I think I might have nightmares for the first time in years.

What? I just said it doesn't happen often!

The point is it shouldn't happen at all.

[Poor, poor Lyr.]

Why not? It's pretty nice . . .

[Okay, changing the subject.]

Got any favorite books?

[Note how he did not say hobbies.]

*Smart lad.* Oh, plenty of them. But half haven't been written yet and most are from other planets.

[He usually is!]

I don't suppose you can pop ahead in time and read the unwritten ones?

I can, or they wouldn't be my favorites. But you can't, can you?

[His book-babies. How he misses them.]

Unfortunately not. I've only got the spell book and a couple that were lying close by when the portal opened. Too bad one of them was a cheesy romance novel Tess had left behind.

[He totally reads it when no one's around.]

Shame.

I'll try to have something for you next time. What genres do you like?

[His life was not this weird when he woke up this morning. Really. He frowns for a second, giving this some thought.]

Well...fantasy, as silly as it can be sometimes. Hell, I'm living in one, you'd think I wouldn't need to read about it...and military and espionage, too. That's actually going to come in handy if the mun has her way.

[Which she always does. Bwahahaha.]

Does Terry Pratchett sound good? I'll get you some books on tactics, too.

Yeah, sure. I've been meaning to read those.

[But like his mun, there's some stuff he never gets around to.]

Hey, thanks. I'm Lyran, by the way. Kinda realized I never- yeah.

I'm the Master, but you can call me Harry.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only