/dusting off the muse [SPOILERS for upcoming Angel and Faith]

[consultmybooks]

 ...it took you seeing my head twist around to realize that Eyghon was likely responsible?

I thought I just had your morbid tendencies to be disturbed by, but your startling forgetfulness towards one of the most fundamental elements of my past is actually just as bad. Live and learn, I suppose. Or, um, not, in my case.

Now that we've settled that, however, and established that Angel isn't finished yet with stitching my soul together like a quilt, you can stop any more of that nonsense about bringing me into a game from that point. It isn't me. It might have dragged my body up out of the dirt, but it most certainly isn't me. The fact that Ethan Rayne is apparently in charge should, um, tell you that much.

If it was, I can assure you, I wouldn't be allowing Angel and Faith to be continuing on with this...idiocy. Lavinia, either. Seeing as how I'm still, um, very much dead, however...it isn't as though anyone can ask my opinion, is it?

...poor girls...

Comments

[technojanna]

So, um, when I told you to be optimistic...

[consultmybooks]

Would saying "I told you so" be terribly childish of me?

[technojanna]

A bit, yeah.

[consultmybooks]

[...]

Then I'll abstain.

[Sorry, Jenny. Both muse and mun are a bit shaken up by recent events. It's just about hell for Giles, knowing that his body is under Eyghon's control, tormenting innocent people and the few people he loves.

He thinks that she can probably sympathize, and hates himself all over again for ever subjecting her to that.]

I, um, I suppose you...never saw, just how, um, how disastrous a resurrection spell could be.

[folklorist]

Gods Giles I-I'm so sorry. [ Because what is your life bro? What is both of their lives, they both suck. ]

[technojanna]

...No. That sort of spell - it's not allowed. [Her people know better.

A strained little smile.] But I guess I couldn't help hoping.

[consultmybooks]

...so am I, Helios.

[What is his life? His life is suffering, is what it is. His life is awful. And it's not even his life, anymore.

At least Helios understands just how much life can suck.]

I mean, um, I suppose I should have known, that it would have taken more to defeat Eyghon entirely. And thinking that, um, th-that I might be safe, just because I was dead, was...the height of stupidity, all things considered.

[Giles laughs a tired, bitter laugh.]

[consultmybooks]

Hope is, um, a very worthy thing. [That he gave up a long time ago.] And, um, it's not as though there isn't still...cause for it. [Even if all he's hoping for now is a quick end to this nightmare, and to Angel's idiot plans.]

[...]

I, um, I thought about it. Once or twice, just...afterwards. Bringing you back, I mean.

[folklorist]

I'm the same. With Apep I mean. You can't always...know how things will go in-in the grand scheme of things. I wish I could do something to help, anything really. And just because you didn't foresee it doesn't make you stupid. You're anything but s-stupid Giles, as a friend and family I can certainly attest to that. You couldn't have possibly known this was going to, ah, happen. And I'm sorry that it is. You don't deserve this...no one deserves this.

[ Being used by a creature of evil. He knows how that goes too, sadly. ]

[ex_conflictive975]

[ Faith's at a loss for words, so she just stands perfectly still and stares. ]

[consultmybooks]

[...awkward, to say the least. Giles just...stands, and doesn't look at her. Looks left, looks right, looks at his feet, looks anywhere but at her face.

Finally, because the silence is becoming as oppressive as, well, as the grave, he heaves a sigh.]

You, um, you weren't to know.

Angel should have.

[consultmybooks]

...we're, um...we're much t-too alike. You and I. When, um...when all is said and done.

[It's like they're the same two people, in two different worlds. Some things are different, of course, that's only to be expected, but...so very much is the same.

Giles isn't sure how he feels about that. There and then, he has to fight back the urge to apologize. As though it's his fault that Helios has to endure Apep's evil, like Jenny had once endured Eyghon.]

...will they stop? Um, do, do you think that...this will make them stop?

[folklorist]

I know. [ Just a small affirmative acknowledgement at that statement. It hurt to know that someone so close could be tormented just as much as you. Especially in terms of the soul of all things. That was something that wasn't to be touched or marred, and yet both of theirs were now. ]

I don't know. I-I hope that it will. But-but you know how they are.

[ex_conflictive975]

[ Her throat tightens. She feels a plethora of emotions and it's just too much for her to handle, so she ducks her head, stares at the ground, takes a deep breath and blinks back a few tears before she reluctantly lifts her head back up. ]

Did he do this?

[consultmybooks]

...I know how they are.

[He knows that they're all acting out of love, and guilt for, in their minds, letting him die. In Angel's case, he's acting out of love for Buffy, of course.

That only makes it worse.]

I, um...I keep wondering. What will happen if, um, if they actually succeed. In bringing me back, I mean. Or, um...s-something like me.

[What will happen to him in Helios' world?]

[consultmybooks]

Angel, so far, has accomplished absolutely nothing besides attracting the attention of my great-aunts. And, um, gathering up bits of my soul that would have been better left where they were.

[Oh, Faith. Giles wishes so much that you weren't involved with this. That you'd stopped Angel before it got to this point. That you'd just taken what he'd given in his stumbling attempt to give you some kind of security in life, if he couldn't be there.

Mostly, he wishes that Angel - who had supposedly killed Eyghon - had paid a bit more attention.]

[ex_conflictive975]

I screwed up, G. I'm sorry.

[ It was her job to stop Angel if he started crossing lines - she knows that - but then everything started to spiral out of control, so now she's sort of egging him on and wishing for the best because she's selfish and she's goddamn tired of losing the people that she cares about. ]

[consultmybooks]

[...yes, Faith, you did.

But if it weren't for Angel, none of this would have ever been necessary.

He can't be angry at her. He should, maybe, but...he just can't. Because he misses her too much.

So, taking off his glasses to clean them, Giles does what he's gotten to be very good at.

Deflecting.]

...what do you intend to do to repair matters, then?

[ex_conflictive975]

[ A small smile slowly begins to form on her lips as she watches him remove his glasses to clean them. ]

I'm not interested in damaged control. [ She pauses and folds her arms across her chest. ] It's too late for that. I want Angel to do whatever the hell it is he's going to do because I...want you back. You shouldn't be dead.

[consultmybooks]

Everyone dies at some point, Faith.

[Even vampires. Hopefully, especially vampires.]

The, um, the reason Watchers were quite so...numerous as they were, is because they tended to die rather more easily than Slayers.

...I lived longer than I ever expected to. Probably longer than I should have.

[He outlived the entire Watcher's Council - a dream of his adolescent years, and a rather massive system shock to experience.]

[ex_conflictive975]

Tell me about it.

[ Every single Watcher that has ever been assigned to her has died. Her life sucks. 8( ]

So it doesn't bug you that An-- Twilight wrapped his-- its hands around your neck and snapped it like a twig?

[ Ouch. Way to open up an old(ish) wound, Faith. ]

[consultmybooks]

...it bothers me immensely, Faith.

[There was more that he'd wanted to do. There had been vampires to kill, a Slayer to travel with, a world to fix. He'd felt more...needed than he had in years.

But he'd also, on some level, been expecting not to walk out of the war alive. It was why he'd rewritten his will in the first place. Just in case. The sense that he'd lived too long had been growing more and more by the day.]

Just as it bothers me that he's in my house, going through my things, and gathering my soul into his head.

It would bother me a very great deal more if Angel actually succeeded in bring me back from the dead.

[ex_conflictive975]

I took him in because I couldn't just leave him to suffer, not after what he's done for me. But then he started getting these ideas about bringing you back and making amends and I didn't like it. I should have just...walked away, or kicked him out, but I couldn't and now I just need him to finish what he started because I-- [ Cutting herself off she takes a step back and sighs frustratedly.

Instead of listening and realizing that Giles doesn't want to be brought back she's just ignoring him, which makes her just as bad as Angel, or maybe it makes her worse. ]

[consultmybooks]

[Not as bad, to Giles' mind, if only because Angel had caused Giles a lot of pain even before killing him.

But it's still unpleasant to hear her talking like that, and it shows on Giles' face.]

...sorry. Um, it's your house, now. Not mine. I, um, I misspoke. Suppose you can, um, do what you like with it. Or, um, have who you like in it.

[How can he explain how utterly revolting the idea of resurrection is to him, to two people who just refuse to listen?

...Buffy would have understood.]

[ex_conflictive975]

You're disappointed.

[ It's not surprising, really. She's disappointed everybody she's ever met so why should Giles be any different? ]

...What am I supposed to do, huh? I can't stop this.

[ She's in too deep and there's not turning back now. All she can do is continue to stand by Angel and see how this pans out because she doesn't have any other choice. ]

People need you, G. The world was a better place with you in it.