homeless! voice testin'

[the17th]

You prefer it if odds are against me, don't you?

But you know, they were never really in my favor. But, well, do whatever you like. I can't stop you, and I wouldn't mind either way.

I'd like to experience life more than the moment that destiny had given me.

Comments

[cagedsanctuary]

No Astral realms? Only Assiah?

Ah. This mortal you long for? [ He was elusive with the details, she's curious now. ] It's unusual for angels to grow close to humans, regardless. Even if our forms are alike. [ She pauses- There is an exception. ] Have you heard about the Grigori? In your realm, I wonder if the story remains, retold by men's imagination.

[the17th]

[Kaworu blinks, immediately curious.]

I have not.

[cagedsanctuary]

The lowest angel choir.
They were the humans' caregivers when their world was young. That was their task.
Most angels do not care about the material world, you see, and less of the mortal men and women that live there.

[Alexiel explains, her voice indicates certain disdain at her fellow apathy for humans.]

But the Grigori did. They grew close to them.
Too close.

[the17th]

...

[Kaworu feels a strange sinking guilt towards his brethren for loving the human. ultimately, he did turn on his kin, even if things mostly carried out as planned anyway.]

I wouldn't describe myself as any sort of Earthly caretaker, and we don't have ranks like that... but it's probably true that I've grown too closely to humans.

I don't know how to change how I feel.

[cagedsanctuary]

I am not judging you.
I was but telling you a story.

[Alexiel explains, reaching out to take his hand between hers. She hasn't finished.]

Love cannot and shouldn't be judged. It is a gift you have.
Never feel ashamed or regret you love. Humans are worthy of your love.

[the17th]

We don't hate humans, exactly—we wish them to return to us, because it would mean eliminating their misery. With it, they would never feel sorrow, but they would lose their individuality and the sort of love I feel now, because it inspires such negativity. It's undesirable.

It makes sense, objectively. [he looks at her knuckles thoughtfully, down to her perfect nails. idle and distracted.] I know becoming one is the end route to suffering. But part of me wants to protect the individuality of humans.

You would think that my original intentions betray the cause of humanity, but in defending their current state of existence, I'm truly forsakening them. Humans, and my own kind.

[wow, Kaworu is really talking himself into a really uncomfortable hole right now. his head hurts. he feels terrible.]

I wonder if I can go back to them at all, now.

[cagedsanctuary]

Becoming one...

[She looks wistful, thinking about her brother... Her poor, insane younger half. She squeezes his hand. It's not a rough gesture or a gentle one.]

It's the death of the self. What you wish is to live.

[The rest sounds like worse than death. A coward's way out.]

The pain of the living. The heartache you experience is part of life.
You exist, Kaworu Nagisa. Your love, your sadness, your frustration, your choices are things you want to protect. Negative and positive are both necessary.

It gives the universe balance. If you end the sadness, would there be happiness? The absence of both is worse than the saturation of one.

That makes you the bravest among your kind.

[the17th]

[Kaworu supposes he can see the logic in that, but it upsets him at once for reasons that are hard to find immediately. maybe it's frustrating that he was originally fighting for the wrong cause, and that he'd been born and murdered under a cause he's now lost sight of.

or because he isn't quite an Angel, not like the others, but he's also far from human.

but a part of him disagrees and struggles, too. it's confusing, and overwhelming.]

They don't know any other way. They aren't weak—they're unable. I'm an anomaly. Among humans, and among my siblings. A variable they depended on. But I'm a defect on either side.

—All I want is Shinji's acceptance, anyway. I don't care about anyone else, so I guess that's okay. If I can have that much wherever I end up, I don't mind.

[aaand back into brat mode.]

[cagedsanctuary]

Then they should learn. All should learn about perspectives.
Take a choice after it.

[Alexiel suggests. She understands connection, she's connected with everything as well. Even water, soil and wind. But she has her identity, a personality.

She's fiercely attached to her identity.]

If you could one day in the future- teach them how.

[She tilts her head.]

Because he's the only one you love?

[the17th]

I don't know... I'm gone, in my universe, and elsewhere, they wouldn't exist.

[he lifts his head to affirm what she's said, meeting her eyes.]

Yes. He is the only one I love.

[cagedsanctuary]

You cannot know for certain you won't meet them again.
Places like these bring surprises to all of us.

[She points out plainly. Everything is uncertain.]

So far.
Perhaps you will love others in the future - not as much or in the same way.

[the17th]

Why would I want to do that?

Shinji is all I need.

[hi I'm 15]

[cagedsanctuary]

You will be lonely if you're sent to a place without him. Talking to others, forming bonds with them.
That's a way to ease the loneliness.

[so mature]

[the17th]

[especially since his prospective designated game definitely doesn't have a Shinji...

dumb baby]

Lonely?

Well, without him, I guess... But Shinji is Shinji; no one else will fill that emptiness.

I can just wait.

[so dumb]

[cagedsanctuary]

No, but you will meet others who might take another special place.

[She releases his hand.

If she and her brother managed to see others like individuals beyond themselves... Anyone can succeed.]

While you wait for this boy.

[the17th]

I don't want to.

[Kaworu's being really stubborn for no really good reason.]