on aus oh gahd

[gleans]

... If you actually go through with this fae thing, Cass is never gonna let me hear the end of it. Like, it sounds cool! In... a creepy, slightly ironic way. But the fact that the first person I thought of was Cass and the second thing I thought of was nightmarepig feypigmare pigmare should maaaaybe tell you something.

Comments

[anexpert]

You should ask your mun to make you turn into a feypigmare.

Feypigmares are magical creatures from the Feywild, so you can take all of the bacon you want from your body and you'll never run out, so that's pretty good.

[gleans]

... Uh. That actually sounds pretty gross, dude.

[anexpert]

[ Awkward pause as he stares at you with his... weird, beady eyes and big expert glasses. ]

...

N-No.

[gleans]

[ Eyes... warily... ]

Excuse me?

[anexpert]

You've mistaken limitless bacon for something that's bad.

[gleans]

Uh, it's more the taking bacon from your body thing that's grossing me out, actually. And I'm pretty sure Feypigmares aren't even a thing.

[onteamdyson]

SHE HAS TO GO THROUGH WITH IT! You can see my shitty house and I can totally beat you at video games and you can probably drink for free if you're with me and I figure out a way to guilt Trick into it. It's perfect!

[gleans]

Okay, that sounds awesome, but -- what, you're not creeped out by the, uh, diet of choice?

[onteamdyson]

... My best friend sucks the sexy life-force out of people and gets fed while she gets off. Babe, you're downright normal after that. Just keep in mind that if you make me dream about a cockroach and I wake up screaming? I will stab you in the nips with cornholders. Just sayin'.

[fangool]

So... you're going to eat nightmares. Basically. What're you, Haunter?

[gleans]

Ow. No cockroaches, I promise. I'll go easy.

[gleans]

Ssssssorta? -- Shut up. This is worse than you laughing at me. [ HEADTHUNK. ]

[fangool]

[ Gigglesnort. Come here, he'll play with your hair. ] I dunno, I think it's pretty fucked up. Don't let me stop you, but you know how I feel 'bout nightmares.

[ squints tho ] Pig... mare.

[gleans]

[ Yespls, he misses you. ; c ; ] At least this time it's not personalized trauma, right? Just. The occasional showing up to school naked. Or whatever. You know I don't wanna fuck with people.

[ SIGHGRIN. ] Yeaaaah, long story. Cass calls me and Chris, uh, lots of creative pig names.

[fangool]

Yeah, s'a little better. [ lalala affectionate hair tousling. ] Long as you ain't hurting anybody, which you ain't. Which makes me sound like m'the boss'a you, but I ain't that, either. Y'know what I mean.

[ a beat ] But... why.

[onteamdyson]

Pinky swear? [Come ooooon! She's holding it up, don't make fun of her tiny fingers!]

[fangool]

Hey. Go easy on the nips, I happen t'like those.

[onteamdyson]

Why the heck is that incentive for me!? You want me to go easy on his anything, it's gonna cost y-- oh my god you're the guy...

[fangool]

[ He's totally amused. ] I'm... the guy...? Don't look at me like that, makes me feel like I stole your toaster in a past life.

[onteamdyson]

Yeah! The guy. The guy that looks like the other guy who lives up here that's messing Squishy up and you better show up eventually because I can't even HANDLE his sad face! It's just ... it's tragic and not good.

[There's just... that was a lot of frantic flailing right there.]

[gleans]

Yeah, yeah, I know. But don't think you're gonna be out of this clusterfuck for long.

[ God, don't make him do it. He laughs a little and lifts his head, then sort of squishes his own nose. PIGGLE. ]

[gleans]

[ BUT THEY'RE TINY. But FINE. ] I promise!

[fangool]

[ squ... ints ] Y'lost me. Y'totally lost me at around... squishy. Who is squishy?

[onteamdyson]

Galen, obvi. He's ... squishy, so he's Squishy. Shut up, it's totally a thing.

[fangool]

Oh god. That's a forebodin' statement if I ever heard one -- [ pause. ] Oi, you don't look like a pig, if that's what yer saying. [ D8 THAT'S MEAN!!! Here, let him just... take your face and kiss your nose. Stahp. ]