What is unleashed from reading The Silmarillion and watching the Hobbit around the same time.

[darkenemyoftheworld]

I AM FREE.

LONG HAVE I BEEN IMPRISONED IN THE VOID BY MY ACCURSED SIBLINGS, UNTIL A FOOLISH YOUNG MORTAL LIKE YOU, HAVING BECOME ENAMOURED OF MY GLORY HAVE RELEASED ME FROM MY CAGE. YOU HAVE RESTORED MY MIGHT TO THAT WHICH IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING OF ALL THINGS AND PLACED ME FAR BEYOUND THE REACH OF EVEN MY FATHER, THE ONE. FOR THAT I SHALL YOU LET YOU ALONE SURVIVE WHEN I REDUCE ALL WORLDS TO DUST AND RECREATE THEM AGAIN IN MY IMAGE. BUT WE CAN DISCUSS OUR PLANS LATER, I WOULD LIKE VERY MUCH TO INTRODUCE MYSELF TO ALL THE FOOLS HERE WHO WILL SOON FALL BEFORE ME.

I AM MELKOR, HE WHO IS CALLED MORGOTH BAUGLIR, THE ONE TRUE LORD OF THE INFINTE DARKNESS, CREATOR OF ALL THINGS THAT ARE DEEMED "EVIL", DISPOILER OF ARDA, THE ETERNAL TERROR THAT DWELLS IN THE HEARTS OF ELVES, DWARVES AND MEN...

MY MUNDANE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE MOST AMUSING TO DROP ME UPON THE DESCENDANTS OF MY LONG-HATED FOES AND CERTAIN SERVENTS OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS. ALSO TO PUNISH A MINION OF MY OWN FOR HIS DISGRACEFUL FAILURES IN MY ABSENCE. THE GREAT NIGHTMARE OF THE PAST HAS RETURNED TO INFLICT HIS VENGEANCE UPON YOU ALL. SO GO ON, START SCREAMING.

Comments

[windycitywizard]

...You know, there's this thing called caps lock. When you turn it off it makes you look slightly less like a complete jackass when you monologue about how evil you are.

[darkenemyoftheworld]

I SEE THE MEN OF THIS MODERN AGE ARE AS INSOLENT AS THEIR FOREBEARS, DO YOU WHAT TO KNOW WHAT I DID TO HURIN, THE LAST MEMBEAR OF YOUR RACE WHO DARE TO MOCK ME? I FORCED HIM TO WATCH AS MY CURSE I LAID UPON HIS LINE, CORRUPTED HIS CHILDREN AND MADE THEM DESTROY THEMSELVES BEFORE I LET HIM DIE. WOULD YOU CARE TO SHARE HIS FATE?

[windycitywizard]

Yeah yeah, I've read the Silmarillion, Shouty. And I wouldn't try the curse thing if I were you, didn't work out for the last guys at all.

Seriously though, that capslock key is gonna be just to the left. It really kills what little credibility you might be trying to build here. I mean, I've just added "Mr. Shouty" to your otherwise auspicious list of scary pseudonyms. Not a smart career move.

[silvertree]

[ His gaze widens with great alarm at the sight of this monster. ]

Your evil shan't spread here...! You would do well to tame of your pursuits for none shall heed your call, Morgoth.

[darkenemyoftheworld]

AH, A PRINCE OF DORITH. IT'S WAS A PITY THAT FEANOR'S SONS ROBBED ME OF THE PLEASURE OF DESTROYING YOU'RE KINGDOM MYSELF AND TAKENING BACK MY SILMARIL...

[silvertree]

[ It's not often that some catches his ire, but this monster before him does. ]

Return from whence you came! You have no place amongst us now.

[darklordofrings]

My lord and teacher...

[Sauron falls to his knees before the one being, he had ever truly respected.]

Long have I hoped this day would come, I knew that your greatness could never truely be sealed away.

[Which is something of a lie since Sauron had enjoying being the Dark Lord of Arda in Melkor's absence. But he needs to start playing boot-licker if he's to avoid the punishment his master had mentioned.]

[darkenemyoftheworld]

SAURON, SAURON, SAURON... OH HOW YOU'VE DISAPPOINTED ME. I CAN FORGIVE BOTH YOUR COWARDICE AT ABANDONING ME DURING THE LAST DAYS OF THE WAR OF WARTH AND YOUR AMBITION TO TAKE MY PLACE BUT NOT YOUR INCOMPETENCE IN RULING IN MY STEAD.

[fellrider]

[and behind him, silently, stand the Nazgul, who bow as well]

[curufinwe]

Oh how absolutely terrifying.

[ Feanor rolls his eyes and doesn't afraid of anything. ]

Released out into the world of games and memes, ever at the beck and call of the mundane who you so disdain.

Really, I must compliment them. What better fate to await Morgoth Bauglir than a life of slavery to a mundane's whims and feelings?

[darkenemyoftheworld]

STILL A FAR BETTER FATE THAN YOURS, FEANARO CURUFINWE. TELL ME, HOW DOES FEEL TO BE TRAPPED IN MY BROTHER'S HALLS, FOREVER UNABLE TO KNOW ANY TRUE PEACE? KNOWING THAT YOU FAILED TO AVENGE YOUR FATHER'S DEATH OR TO EVER HOLD YOUR PRECIOUS SILMARILS IN YOU'RE HANDS AGAIN, KNOWING THAT THE OATH YOU MADE YOUR SONS SWEAR ONLY DROVE YOUR LINE TO ANNIHILATION AND MADE YOUR LEGACY, ONE TO BE FOREVER HATED AND CURSED BY ALL.

[curufinwe]

[ Feanor's eyes flash, and he glares haughtily at Morgoth. Those comments hit their mark, but Feanor will be damned (well... more damned) before he lets Morgoth 'win' this. ]

Mandos does not rule me. I abide there of my own free will - and my sons followed me of theirs.

Besides, [ He laughs, brazen and unwilling to admit any fault, least of all to this one. ] what would an inferior, wretched thing like you know about true peace? All you know is hunger and envy, and your only real talent is cowering in your dark hole.

[darklordofrings]

If that is so, then how did my liege manage to manipulate you into exile and steal your masterpieces from right under your nose?

[curufinwe]

Oh look what the wolf dragged in. [ He's not even gonna acknowledge Sauron's digs. They're not worth his time. What is worth his time is being snide right back at him! ]

Here to lick the boots of your master again? Wag your tail when he tosses you a bone?

[ladyofrivendell]

I have heard tales of your terrible deeds... You've no place here, foul specter!

[darkenemyoftheworld]

AND I HAVE HEARD THAT YOU WERE FOR A TIME, A "GUEST " OF MY CREATIONS... DID YOU... HEH HEH HEN, ENJOY MY LITTLE ONES' HOSPITALITY?

[ladyofrivendell]

[A chill runs down her spine and she visibly pales but she continues glaring.]

I've since healed from my ordeal! And my sons slayed them all when rescuing me!

[That doesn't stop her from recalling it, however.]

[silvertree]

You shan't speak of that while I still draw breath, beast!

[ Just before Morgoth can utter another word, Celeborn's mythril blade suddenly appears right before his blackened face. ]

Spare him not your ear, my daughter! Take care to flee while you can. I shall deal this one myself.

[darkenemyoftheworld]

AND JUST WHO DO THINK YOU ARE, LITTLE ELF PRINCE OF MINOR DEEDS, TO EVEN BEGIN TO THREATEN ME? ANOTHER FINGOLFIN? GROND!

[The mighty warhammer of the underworld is summoned to it's master's hand]

[silvertree]

[ There's no possible way he could stand against this fiend for long, but Celeborn refuses to back down. For his daughter's sake and for his own pride, he won't back down. ]

Nay, I'm simply father who would rather die defending his daughter's honor than allow you to sully her name further!

[darklordofrings]

My lord, he is unworthy of you, let me take him in your stead to prove myself to you once more.

[silvertree]

I care not which of you villains dare to step forward, but neither of you shall come within an inch of my daughter.

[ladyofrivendell]

[Nope nope nope nope nope! WHY IS LIFE SO HARD? I'M GOING BACK TO VALINOR.]

[darkenemyoftheworld]

DO AS YOU LIKE WITH HIM THEN, SAURON. I HAVE OTHERS MORE IMPORTANT TO DEAL WITH THEN SOME SECONDARY KIN OF THINGOL'S.

[timespacemessiah]

Hmph. Once I am a God, I shall remove you from existence.

[darkenemyoftheworld]

MY, HOW THE MORTALS OF THIS AGE HAVE GROW ARROGANT... PERHAPS A LESSON IS IN ORDER TO TEACH YOU, YOU'RE PROPER PLACE IN THE ORDER OF THINGS.

[See the giant war hammer that appears in Morgoth's fist, big enough to squash a man like bug in one strike]

NOW THEN, ENTERTAIN ME BY BEGGING FOR YOU'RE LIFE, LEAST I SMASH YOU UNTO BITS.

[timespacemessiah]

I'm a busy man. I have no time for you...now.

[poorfatbombur]

[Bombur calmly finishes his last sticky bun.]

[darkenemyoftheworld]

NO SIGH OF FEAR EH? WELL THEN, TONIGHT MY TROLLS WILL DINE ON ROASTED DWARF.

[canbemine]

[...Somebody likes the sound of his own voice.]

This may not be the kind of freedom you have in mind.

[Thankfully, by the sound of it.]

[darkenemyoftheworld]

AS LONG I'M ABLE TO INFLICT UNTOLD AMOUNTS OF TERROR, DESPAIR, DESTRUCTION AND DEATH UPON ALL THEN I AM FREE ENOUGH... FOR THE MOMENT.

[canbemine]

...And are you able to do all that?

[darkenemyoftheworld]

WOULD YOU CARE TO FIND OUT?

[canbemine]

You know, I don't think I would...

But it's better to find out now than be caught unawares later.

[inmateincharge]

Oh, please! Killer Croc's had bowel movements that're scarier than you!

[darkenemyoftheworld]

[splits a nearby mountain in two with a strike of his warhammer.]

WHAT WAS THAT YOU WERE SAYING, GARISH FOOL

[inmateincharge]

It's certainly impressive, I'll give you that, but the cape-wearing weirdo in Metropolis could do that without the carpentry tool!

[windycitywizard]

Granted he's not that scary, but come on, you Gotham goons aren't much to brag about. It took some serious power to take this guy down, and you and your friends get your asses handed to you on a regular basis by some spoiled rich kid with a bat fetish.

[inmateincharge]

Oh, sure, he could probably splatter me all over the nearest wall without trying, but that doesn't make him scary! Besides, it's fun to take people like that down a peg! [He's not even going to dignify that "spoiled rich kid" comment with a response - people who underestimate Batman (or himself, for that matter) tend to find out why he's feared by people who are significantly more powerful than he is.]

[one_doesnt_simply_walk]

Freed...? No, no, however mighty and feared you may be, you certainly have not been freed. You have been released from a cage to be imprisoned into another.

And your new cage is a much more fearful place than your old one. Filled with creatures even your monstrosity could not have imagined, a nameless fear takes the heart of all those that dwell in these darkness. Dare I name it...

[ A dramatic pause: ]

The Internet.

[darkenemyoftheworld]

WHAT YOU SEE AS CAGE, I VIEW AS YET AN EVEN GREATER CONQUEST THAN ARDA. ANY VASSELS OF THE DARK WHO DO NOT KNOW ME AS THEIR RIGHTFUL GOD, SHALL BE CORRECTED SOON ENOUGH.

[fearlessherosheart]

That is an impressive speech. Are you finished?

[darkenemyoftheworld]

WHAT A PRETTY FACE YOU HAVE... SOMETHING MUST BE DONE TO FIX THAT.

[fearlessherosheart]

Thank you both for the compliment and the challenge, sir.

[dancingmad]

Well isn't this a mighty fine work of art~!

Yes, yes, YES! I do believe I've found something quite titillating over here.

[darkenemyoftheworld]

THANK YOU. SO VERY FEW OUTSIDE MYSELF AND MY FOLLOWERS TRULY UNDERSTAND THE CRAFTSMANSHIP OF DESPOILING AND DESTRUCTION.