dear_mun | Brand new muse. Vague spoilers behind cut

Ben? [ It's quiet, worried. She can usually distract him when he's nervous but when he's freaking out she lets the adults handle things. ]

Clem? [He spins around to look at her, color rushing to his face.] Oh sh--I mean, sorry, I didn't mean to swear, I didn't--

[Wait.]

Clem, you're alive! [Oh, ow, voice cracked there, but fuck it. He kneels down so they're closer to being face-to-face and he makes a jerking motion to grasp her shoulders, but then his hands pause uncertainly in the air. He's not sure if he should touch her, but in the meantime, he's looking her over feverishly with his eyes, looking for any sign of injury.] Are you--oh God, Clem, we were all worried sick! Are you hurt? O-or bit?

[ Even if he's not sure, she is. If their friendship was under question before, it isn't now, because she meets his reach halfway by ducking in and wrapping her arms tight around his shoulders. Hugging isn't a thing they usually do but it's been a while since she's seen him and he really really needs to stop freaking out now. ]

I'm okay, I'm okay! I'm not bit. I've even got my walkie back.

[Aw, Clementine.

His voice catches in his throat for a second, his hands still hovering in the air, and then he wraps his arms tight around her, resting his chin on her head. It doesn't occur to him, but this is the first time someone has initiated any kind of affectionate contact with him since that day he escaped his school with Travis and Mr. Parker.]

Oh God, that's... [Yes, the hug is having the desired effect. If Clementine is paying enough attention to hear or feel his heartbeat, it's starting to slow down to something closer to normal.] That's great. Lee's going to be so--he was worried. We all were. Who took you?

[ She can't hear his heartbeat, but she's pretty good at feeling when someone's tension is going away, so when it seems like the hug is helping she just keeps hanging on.

Now he's talking again about how worried everyone was, and all at once she's suddenly guilty, exhaling a sad sort of sigh: ]

I know... [ She sounds really broken up about that. ] I didn't mean to make anyone worry. I shouldn't have ever talked to him, I didn't know he was bad.

It's okay. You didn't know. [Or, well, it's okay by him, for what that means. He knows his word doesn't necessarily hold a lot of sway in the group.] I'm just glad you're alright. And now that I've got you, we should find everyone else.

[ Well it holds sway with Clem and Clem holds sway with Lee and Lee is in charge so Ben's got sway by proxy. Even if she doesn't know what proxy actually is.

She's releasing the hug now, but she's got a tight grip on Ben's sleeve with one hand just to be sure. People have a way of losing one another, around here. ]

Lee's here somewhere, but he keeps disappearing. [ She also saw Carley, but she doesn't think Ben's ready for that one yet. ]

[Hey, Ben can live with sway by proxy. Sway by proxy works.

He lets her go too, and she'd better be ready for him to keep a very close eye on her. He's utterly failed to take care of her too many goddamn times--now, when he thought he died before he could prove himself, he's going to make sure she's okay.]

Yeah, my, uh... they call themselves head mates? They told me that that happens here. B-but I'm going to stay, okay? I'll stay, and I'll help find everyone else.

[Best she not mention that, yes. Otherwise he might start gibbering again.]

[ ....Oh. Right. That might not work out how Ben's hoping it will. ]

Except... I can't stay here, either. [ The most apologetic of nine-year-olds is standing right here in this moment. ] Mun put me in a place. A 'game', but it doesn't really feel like one. [ She's definitely still holding tight to Ben's sleeve as she says: ] I have to go back there soon, but then I'll forget I saw you again, and I don't want to forget.

[Oh, why is he even surprised? Ben can't take care of Clementine: news at eleven.

But yes, he will look sad.]

A-a game? Is it... I...

[Okay, he's keeping it together, but inside, he feels like he's being torn apart. This on top of everything else that has happened within the last twenty-four hours makes him just ready to break down crying.]

I mean, I've heard a little about them. Is the one you're at dangerous?

Mhm. There were walkers before, but they're gone now. Right now we're in a really pretty town but everyone says we can't trust it so I'm trying not to eat the food or anything.

[ Oh Ben, she hates it when you look so sad...

... ]

Hey, maybe you can come too! I mean, it's kind of scary, but so is Savannah, isn't it? And Lee's coming. [ Which clearly means it's the place anyone who trusts Lee would want to be. ]

Edited 2012-12-15 06:48 (UTC)

I could c... [Alright. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to go and be with them. Second only to his fear of being torn apart by walkers is the fear of being left alone, but he was willing to face the former for the sake of the group. He knows that he's a screw up. He knows that if her game is dangerous, his being around with Clementine and Lee would probably just get in the way.

He really hates himself too much to consider the idea of inflicting his incompetency on them. (Un?)fortunately, it's not his choice.] I... I'm really glad Lee is going. As long as he's there, you'll be safe. But... I think I'll... I think I'm going to stay here. My, uh... I want to see who I can find. I'll try to catch up, though.

Oh. [ Her face falls again. ] Okay.

[ But then she's looking up at him, imploring. ] Be careful, okay?

Y-yeah. Yeah, I will. [Oh, Clem, don't look so sad.

He gives her one of his dorky smiles, the ones that don't seem entirely happy but are still cheerful.] But--but hey, we can still talk here, right? Wh-what's your game like? Besides, you know, there being walkers before.

[ She smiles back, because that's what you do when someone smiles at you. Like she's trying to look on the bright side. ] There aren't walkers anymore. Just before. I think it used to be a really pretty town but everything's all ruined now, and I think we're supposed to have masks to breathe because the people on the sign do but I can't find any. And there's food, sometimes.

I mostly just stay under the bed. Sherlock doesn't like it when I talk or breathe too loud.

Sometimes? Is it like the Motor Inn or something? L-like dangerous, but not constantly or something?

[He frowns.] W-wait, does he actually stuff you under the bed and tell you not to breathe too loud? [Because seriously. No. No one's allowed to do that to Clementine unless in case of walker invasion.]

No, no, I just stay there because it makes me feel safe. He's just grumpy, is all. He doesn't even have the fire poker anymore.

[ She sounds entirely too okay with the presence of a fire poker to start with. The end of the world may or may not have desensitized her too much. ]

And yeah, it's kind of like the Motor Inn. Except bigger, and the dangerous parts aren't just walkers or bandits.

Fire poker? Why did he have a fire poker in the first place? [Lee cannot get there fast enough. Ben does not like Clementine running around alone with all these details coming to light.]

What else is dangerous besides the walkers and bandits?

I don't think he likes kids... [ Which counts as 'why', in her mind. ]

And... lots of stuff, I think. A bunch of it happened when I got there, like one time everyone was in a hospital and thought they were supposed to hurt each other. And someone said something about soldiers with guns but I haven't seen them yet.

Hey..uh..

I don't know what time you're from or anything, but it's probably better that you're here.

It's--I mean, it'd be really hard to go someplace worse than where I was, but--I still need to help, okay? I shouldn't--it's not right. It's not right for me to be safe when they aren't.

But it's not like your Mun can just rewrite your future like erasing obscene doodles on a chalkboard. You can't just "go back." Get it? There's nothing for you to go back to.

..Yeah, this really sucks.

But it can't--I mean--

...It can't end this way. [His voice is cracking, but... God. He doesn't know if he can do this.]

[ he frowns. ]

Technically, it doesn't have to!

You can still find your friends here, and make a better life. You just can't go back.

[ pause. ]

Gah, this would have all been solved if there were clones of me in different realities! I could've had you off that spike and walking around in a jiffy.

Off of the...

[He shudders at the reminder of his horrible last moments, his hands instinctively touching his stomach where he remembers seeing the bloody bar sticking through his body.]

I... [He takes a deep breath, then closes his eyes.] It's... probably for the best, I guess. Not that... Kenny shouldn't have stayed. He could actually help. But I'm a fuck up. It'll be easier for them to survive without me. [He opens his eyes again, crossing his arms over his chest.] I hope you're right. About a 'better life', I mean. They should have one.

... [Lee could be angry, sure. Everything spiraled out of control when Ben made the deal with the bandits. But it took strength and effort to be angry. And after all he had been through. He had nothing left for anger.]

Hey, Ben.

Lee?

[You're here. Ben's hands run through his hair, his eyes getting big, and his throat closes up on itself.] Lee. I'm so s...

[He trails off. He's apologized too many times. It's all meaningless. It doesn't change what happened, does it? Four people dead or missing because of his stupid deal. And in a way, it's his fault that everything else happened--that Savannah got overrun by walkers, that Chuck died (that was more than just 'in a way' his fault), that the sicko who took Clementine had the opportunity to do so, even that Lee got bitten...

And when he promised, both to himself and to Lee, that he'd prove himself... he went and died, then took Kenny with him. There is no forgiving that. There is no redemption. Lee would have been better off letting him die in the woods when Mr. Parker had been trapped.

He's utterly worthless, and worse, he ruined everything for one of the few men left that he looks up to.

So he doesn't apologize. Instead, he just deflates on himself and looks at the ground. It doesn't feel right to look him in the eye.] I...

[Deep breath.] Clementine. I found her. Or, uh, she found me. She's here too. Sh-she says she's okay.

I know, Ben. I know.

[Every way Lee carries himself, there's such an obvious weight and fatigue to his movements. For now, he just pulls up a chair and sits down.]

I found her here. Or, rather, she found me. I know where she is, and I plan on following her soon enough. I know what she's been through, even if I won't remember it once I get there.

You too? [Well... at least Clementine is going to have Lee there to take care of her. Lee always takes care of Clementine. Hell knows, the man would die for that little girl.] I... that's good, isn't it? That she'll have you. I... I don't know much about the game, but...

[A part of him really, really wants to go with them. That selfish part that doesn't want to be alone. But the rest of him knows that he'd be a third wheel at best, and massively fuck everything up for them at worst.

It's better if he stays on his own. At least then he won't screw over anyone but himself.]

[He's shocked, and there isn't much he feels he can really say right now.

Or, rather, there isn't much he can muster the energy to say.]

I --

What happened?

[Oh.

Oh.

Shit.

Color draining from face right now.] Oh God...

[Some part of him feels like he should be falling to his knees and begging for forgiveness. After the last twenty-four hours, he doesn't know how he can deal with this. So he runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head, his eyes getting a little glassier than usual. He hardly hears Doug's question, and instead lets out a soft, strained] I'm sorry...

You really think begging's gonna help you? [ Ben, please. ] You might as well chitchat with a fucking geek.

Edited 2012-12-16 13:01 (UTC)

I... w-well, what else can I do? I need to get back, but now people are telling me that even this mun girl can't put me back.

[ Can you feel that, Ben? That is the feeling of Molly judging you. How exactly did you make it as far as you did? That's what she's wondering. ]

Well, you can quit whining for once and take a stand for yourself. Grow yourself some balls in the process. I mean— I don't get it. The world's fucking over and you wanna go back?

Edited 2012-12-16 23:39 (UTC)

[Eh, he's used to being judged. It's a thing a lot of people do.

He furrows his brow, crossing his arms and looking at the ground.] I'm not... It's not about me wanting to go back, okay? I mean, it's all hopeless. But Clementine is missing, Lee's only got one arm, and Kenny and I are the last people in the group who are actually... you know, without any kind of thing up with us. If it plays out like I think it did...

[His voice cracks. It does that a lot, since it's still changing around, but this time it's more than just puberty.]

I need to be able to help them. They've saved my ass so many times... it's not right for me to be safe when they're in trouble!

Brand new muse. Vague spoilers behind cut

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Oh my God I love you

you too, oh my god. i never see ben anywhere.

Poor kid gets no love. I'm surprised I got tagged!

of course you did, ben is awesome and underappreciated. also, have you beat it yet? just so i know

Yeah, and there were tears to be had. You?

definitely! but clem's from the end of episode 4 to match the canonpoint i have her at in Haven. :|a

Hopefully, Ben will keep his big mouth shut about the bite, then

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if you ever do look for a home for him, we'd love to have him. c:

I'm seriously considering it.I'm probably going to mess in memes to work out the kinks first, though

i was gonna toss you a PM with my contact info in case you had questions but it isn't letting me :X

Thank you! :3

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oh my god i love ben so much. i shed many a manly tear.

Ben doesn't get enough love <333

hes my favorite screw up

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CHOO CHOO ALL ABOARD THE MISERY TRAIN

YAY FOR ANGST 8D

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I don't even know what's going to happen here.

Tears. That's what.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

Oh jeeze it's a Molly!

WE'VE ALL COME OUT TO TOUCH YOU, BEN XD

Ben is suddenly really scared