Book!Thranduil just had to get on my case. Movie spoilers behind the cut.

[elvenking]

You wanted Thorin on the Tranquility, and believed one might come of this film.



Let that teach you a valuable lesson. Any Thorin who comes of this is likely to have memories of me which I do not have. I will recall no reasons for a personal grudge. Somewhat embarrassing for him, should he turn up unexpectedly to find a thing never happened.

Of course, had I received a call to refuse, I daresay I would have refused it, and would have been right to do so. We had clearly arrived too late. Sacrificing my people to defend a destroyed kingdom would have been senseless. I will not lead back a remnant as I did in the Last Alliance.

You may inform this Peter Jackson that he is to kindly tell me when my woods are not infested with fell spiders. I should not have spent so much time fighting them had I known they were yet to arrive.

Comments

[tossme]

No need for anger. These things will happen when these 'films' are created.

[elvenking]

[Ugh you. He does not trust you. Don't feel bad, it takes a while for wood-elves to trust anyone.]

No need for anger? The Necromancer has blighted my woods for nearly two thousand years and the plight of my people is reduced to this?

[Even this complaint is voiced calmly. Thranduil has learned to cling to a very specific type of anger.]

[tossme]

You act as if no one is aware of your people's plight, elvenking. [Gimli frowns a bit.] Many people know the truth. Including my own lady mundane.

Although, your plight is not what is important in this 'film'. It's about the quest to take back Erebor. [He knows Thranduil won't like that...]

[elvenking]

So I am aware. But it remains disrespectful.

[tossme]

[Suddenly, Gimli realizes he may have been a bit harsh.]

This plight of your people...it is an impressive tale.

[elvenking]

[Thranduil watches the dwarf flounder with a certain degree of satisfaction before taking pity.]

Not so impressive as forty-two orcs-necks hewn in battle. I should like to have been there.

[tossme]

Oh, it was nothing really. I was having a really good night. [Better night than your son anyway.]

[elvenking]

[Shut up Legolas is awesome. His Legolas is, anyway. Yours is all dour and shield-surfy.]

My mundane tells me one gave you particular trouble, having an iron collar? I am sorry for your ax.

[Might be a bit of irony in there. >.>]

[tossme]

[Whatever Thranduil. His Legolas can jump on a horse while it's galloping.]

Only a minor nuisance. [Hmph.]

[elvenking]

[His Legolas resists the temptation to constantly state the obvious.]

It must have been swung with great strength, to mar a weapon of Dwarven make.

[That, or it was poorly made.]

[tossme]

Aye. I fought as hard as I could. [Someone had to. Bows and arrows are handy, but miss their target often.]

[fangorn]

[With the echo of creaking wood, the ent hooms as he considers these words.]

Hmmm, such is the way of man. Ever forgetful, too hasty to [hooooom] remember the plights of others. I was never so neglectful or ignorant as it may seem.

[elvenking]

I would never believe it of you in a thousand years, honored one. [Now this is someone T could get along with.] Your folk do not easily forget, if I am given to understand well. I have never met one of your like before.

[fangorn]

I have met many of yours. [He hooms and he harooms as he squints at Thranduil. If he notices any resemblance to any elves he met in the past, it doesn't seem to show. But then he blinks, as if he remembered he was talking to someone.] Long have your kin been friends of the forest. There are few left who are.

[elvenking]

I find there are few who bear it true ill will. [Especially if an Elven guard makes sure they bear it no ill will. That doesn't hurt.] Only those ignorant of their fondness for it, I believe. To some mortals, it must be awakened.

[A rare bit of optimism from him.]

[fangorn]

[Hoooom...] You are most optimistic, young elfling. Perhaps they will learn to awaken it in themselves.

[elvenking]

[Oh you miraculous creature. He has felt so old for so, so very long. Especially on the Tranquility, where the next oldest person he's met isn't even 300. "Young elfling" causes him to smile.]

Perhaps. In the meantime, you and I shall continue as we always have. There is much to be done before I may leave Middle-earth.

[oakenshield]

[ The look upon this young king's face is a mixture of both bafflement and raw hatred. It takes him more than just a moment to digest these words, especially since he has more than enough reason to doubt them. ]

Quick to sully my name in hopes of defending your actions, Elf? How typical of your ilk.

[elvenking]

[Still haven't grasped the whole "different continuities" thing, then. Just like a dwarf. He waves a hand.]

If your mun has not seen fit to explain, neither shall I.

[oakenshield]

She has explained plenty, Thranduil!

[ Defiantly glares up at him while tempted to grab a chair to stand upon so he can glare at him eye-to-eye. ]

I'm merely not quick to believe there's any difference between you and your other self.

[elvenking]

Nothing indicates one way or the other, thus far.

[Although T does flinch a tad at being referred to as "The Great Elvenking, Thranduil," but hey. It's a compliment and he'd better not inform the narrator that he hasn't actually seen any great Elven kingdoms. The wood-elves are sort of avoiding the bombastic nature of older kingdoms in favor of being suspicious, reclusive, and hazardous to the health of Dwarven travelers and large spiders.]

[oakenshield]

[ A mighty huff comes from Thorin, but the dwarf does nothing else. He simply stares at the Elvenking as if accessing whether or not this elf should be given the time of day. ]

...'Twas you who've pried the Orcrist from me, wasn't it?

[ He pauses briefly and his gaze softens somewhat. ]

Yet, it was also you who've returned it upon my grave.

[elvenking]

[The Elvenking's face turns even. Stoic.]

Parole granted far too late, Thorin Oakenshield.

[oakenshield]

Mayhaps.

[ Now the dwarf honestly seems too thoughtful for his own good. ]

As late as it was, I suppose I can still rest in peace.

[elvenking]

For how long, before you come to us?

[oakenshield]

Not too long I would say. It would seem that she's quite eager to have me there, although I don't fancy it.

[ A huff. ]

[elvenking]

None do. I do hope you are capable of cooking.

[Easy Mac: not actually easy and he's not convinced it's even food.]

[oakenshield]

[ He quirks his eyebrow at that sudden comment. ]

Capable, yes. However, I'm more suited for crafting armor and blades. Yet, if need be I certainly can cook my own food.

[ By cooking he means to skin and roast a rabbit on an open flame, and serve it with some sort of vegetable he can find. ]

[elvenking]

[He cannot wait to see Thorin try to cook. Can. Not.]

Then you will do well.

[Heh heh.]

[oakenshield]

[ Thorin just stares at the Elvenking for a long while. ]

What sort of mischief are you plotting, Elf? Your very gaze beguiles your true intentions.

[elvenking]

I believe the word you were looking for was betrays, King Thorin, and I have no mischief planned.

[Not going to make a slur about Dwarves being the ones who like wanton, impulsive Bad Things.]

[oakenshield]

[ His gaze only narrows now. Honestly, the Elvenking gets under his skin at times. ]

I certainly hope so or else I shan't be so lenient the next time we speak.

[elvenking]

And what do you hope to accomplish?

[dwarvling]

Been right to? Hundreds died, a call to help should not have been required. [Ugh, Elves.]

[elvenking]

[Hm. Getting this tiny one a map might be the best and kindest thing Thranduil could do. And explaining the whole "distance = travel time" thing. Man, Dwarvish public education sucks.]

Young one, my people live leagues from yours. Had we seen Smaug in the first moment, we could not have arrived in time to save your city.

[There's a little symathy in his tone, but really, was this one even born back then? Guh mortal ages are so harrrrrd.]

[dwarvling]

[To be fair, he never truly got to experience the benefits of Erebor's bounty. A map and an explanation would probably be really helpful. That is, if he would even accept it from an Elf of Mirkwood.

PS, Kili has been raised to not trust this here elves sympathy.]

So you say, but we would have come to your aid if it were you.

[No, no they wouldn't have.]

[elvenking]

[Oh please, kid. He was there when the real reason for all this animosity started up. You know, the bit where dwarves murdered his king and ransacked Menegroth and there was a lot of fighting and...yes. You were born when, two days ago?]

I daresay you would not, and I would doubt your king had he been willing to throw your life to the wind for a cause already lost.

[dwarvling]

[sixty-odd years ago, excuse you. He's a mature adult dwarf (just barely). He may not have the temper of his dear King of an uncle, but he has more energy for sure, and maybe half of that temper. Which is currently bubbling up in offense.]

Thorin Oakenshield would do what's right.

[elvenking]

Thorin Oakenshield would act to protect his own people. That is what a king must do. I am not a dispenser of living shields.

[dwarvling]

[See this is why Kili shouldn't take to Elves. There's really nothing else to say or do but be annoyed.]

[elvenking]

[Awesome. T is going to go...be disturbed that he said something good about Thorin.]

[oakenshield]

[ Wait, did such a compliment just happen?! ]

Such praise and from the Elvenking himself.

[elvenking]

[oakenshield]

[ Excuse him, Thranduil, but he's doing his best not to laugh at that lofty expression upon your face. This amuses him quite terribly. ]