I guess this is a voicetest because can't sleep

[cobestfriend]

I cannot believe you're choosing John Watson over me. He's not even the John Watson, you can't say he's really the John Watson.

[ Pause. ]

But even if he was the John Watson, it would still be a disgrace because. Come on. He's not the Barnacle.

[ He spreads his arms, all smug, confident smiles. For a moment, before his expression turns annoyed again. ]

But, fine! Be that way. Just know that you are making a mistake, and you will regret it and, once you do, I won't come running back. Or walking back. Definitely not crawling back. I won't be coming back at all. So, there.

[ Why won't you love him? ]

Comments

[boomlawyered]

I dunno, man. Watson seems like a pretty cool guy.

[cobestfriend]

Uh. You haven't even met him, Marshall.

[boomlawyered]

Well, sure. I haven't met him. But I bet if I did, he'd be pretty cool.

So there.

[cobestfriend]

I have met him and, trust me, he is not cool.

[boomlawyered]

Okay, fine. Why not? What makes him so not cool?

[cobestfriend]

Marshall.

[ Putting an arm around him. ]

What makes a man cool? No, better yet-- What makes a man awesome?

[boomlawyered]

[Do you see this face? This is his skeptical face. Despite this, he decides to hear what Barney has to say.]

... Enlighten me.

[cobestfriend]

[ Meaning, sympathetic look. ]

Oh, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall. You've got the answer right in front of you!

[ He spreads his arms again. ]

A man who is awesome lives his life to the fullest. This John Watson is like Ted, except he can't even keep up a relationship when he really wants to. Which! Yes, a relationship doesn't help your awesome status unless in certain circumstances, in which being able to keep one is crucial.

So, not only is this John Watson not only looking for someone to settle down with; he's even worse at it than Ted!

[charring]

"The Barnacle"?

[cobestfriend]

[ Oh, hello. Don't mind him giving you an appreciative look-over. ]

Yes. That's me.

[ And, smiling, he holds out his hand. ]

Barney.

[charring]

Charlie.

[Guess what? No handshake. Just a raised eyebrow. Still.]

It's nice to meet you.


[At least some of her manners are working.]

[cobestfriend]

[ Well, ouch. He'll just take that back like a smooth bastard, then. ]

Oh, yes it is.

[charring]

How'd you get the nickname "Barnacle"? I'm just wondering.

[leftjoker]

Barney Stinson of Goliath National Bank's [information censored for the good of the public], yes? My name is Shoutaro Hidari, I represent the Men's Suit-Club of Japan. I've been looking forward to meeting the best dressed man in the united states.

[cobestfriend]

[ !! ]

Finally someone has some common sense! I despair of humanity sometimes.

[ For a moment, he wears the most troubled expression, but quickly smiles again as he adjusts his tie. ]

I'm glad to meet someone like minded.

[leftjoker]

People should look good no matter where they fall on the corporate ladder, shouldn't they? It's because of people like you that the Japan branch exists, after all. [out from his vest pocket a card is handed to you: Shoutaro Hidari, Narumi Detective Agency P.I.] I'm honestly thrilled to be in the presence of such a great man as yourself.

[cobestfriend]

They most certainly should. And you're welcome.

[ He grins, looks down at the card and slips it into the pocket on the inside of his jacket. ]

[robinsparkles]

[ robin is not impressed. look at her over here, eating chips, being unimpressed. ] And just where do you think you're going instead, huh?

[cobestfriend]

[ But, Robin. ]

Somewhere much more awesome, of course.

[robinsparkles]

More awesome than inside somebody's imagination, where literally anything could happen?

I mean, real life's alright, don't get me wrong, but here you could be an actual jet pilot, or astronaut, or international superstar. I'd have thought you would be all over this.

[cobestfriend]

She didn't choose me! I have my pride!

[ Duh? ]

[robinsparkles]

Well - don't take this the wrong way - but Watson is a doctor. Chicks dig doctors.

You of all people should know that, considering how many times you've faked being one to get laid.

[cobestfriend]

Of course I know that. But it's me.

[robinsparkles]

Maybe you're not driving a hard enough bargain.

[cobestfriend]

[ He pauses, and raises an eyebrow just slightly. ]

Go on.

[robinsparkles]

What, I have to have all the answers? [ sigh ] You need more leverage than "I'm leaving". At this point, she doesn't even know what she's missing, right?

[cobestfriend]

Yeah. Yeaah. You're right! She acts as if she does, but she doesn't! I need to show her what she's missing, and then...

And then--!

I won't choose her.

[robinsparkles]

Sounds like a win, Sparky.

[cobestfriend]

And this is why you're awesome.

[ He raises a hand, and curls it. Fist bump him, bro. ]

[robinsparkles]

[ BUMPAGE ] I'd just hate for your delicate ego to get smashed.

[cobestfriend]

Wow. Woooow. Minus points for you, Scherbatsky.

[robinsparkles]

I can afford 'em.

[cobestfriend]

...

[ He relents, but not while looking happy. ]

Yeah, yeah, all right, you can.

[ But then he can't suppress a bit of a laughter. ]

Sometimes I can't believe I like you. You're insufferable.

[robinsparkles]

Admit it. That's why you like me.

[cobestfriend]

[ Grimace. Which means scrunching up his whole face. ]

It is not.

[ It totally is. ]

[robinsparkles]

Well, part of a long laundry list of reasons.

[cobestfriend]

And at the very, very bottom of it.

[robinsparkles]

Just how many times does the word 'awesome' appear on said list?

[cobestfriend]

A lot. Not as many as on the list of why others like me, of course, but a lot.

[robinsparkles]

Yet another reason why your mun shouldn't give up on you so easily.

[cobestfriend]

[ Sage nod. ]

She's making a grave mistake. It almost saddens me.

[robinsparkles]

She'll learn. They all learn.