canon is The Guild; apping to capeandcowl

[egohalfempty]

I know I have absolutely no room to say to this to anyone, but...

Are you crazy?

What makes you look at me and think: "Oh yeah, there's a superhero in the making!" Is it drugs? Because that's the only explanation that makes any sense. You must be high, o- or delusional or something! I have no powers and we both know how badly I handle responsibility!

Wow. Way to sell myself short. Anyway, are you serious?! You're going to app me to a place where I have to fight crime? ...While possibly dressed like my avatar? Really?!

[ DEEP, CALMING BREATHS. That are not calming her down at all. ] Oh god, oh god, I'm going to die. I'm going to look horrible and I'm going to die and I'm going to die looking horrible.

Comments

[boozebot]

Only the idiots fight crime. Most of us just cause it.

[egohalfempty]

It's not stupid to want to help people! Just... really risky and misguided.

And-- [ wait. wait wait wait. ] Wow. That's a really good robot costume.

[boozebot]

It's not a costume. I'm just a robot. A good looking robot. With an excellent ass.

[egohalfempty]

Uh-huh.

Look, despite what some of the super questionable sci-fi I've read might suggest, I'm flattered - I guess? - but I don't have a thing for metal.

[boozebot]

Lady, I'm glad you think so highly of yourself, but you're a little too fleshy for my tastes.

[egohalfempty]

Hey, my flesh is perfectly--

[ Hold on. Is she seriously encouraging another crazy guy to start hitting on her? ]

Oh, forget it!

[doubleoohbaby]

You won't die for long in that place.

[egohalfempty]

Is that supposed to be reassuring?! Because, let me tell you, it's not! I am not okay with dying even in game -- and I can come back there too! Even if it's just for, like, five seconds it's still death!

[doubleoohbaby]

I hear it's not so bad.

[egohalfempty]

So, wait. Are you saying don't know if we come back? You just... think we do?

[doubleoohbaby]

I've seen others come back from the dead. I don't feel I need to prove it myself.

[egohalfempty]

[ A groan and a whimper. The distressed kind, not the fun kind. ]

I'm sure I'll find out one way or the other.

[doubleoohbaby]

Just stay away from any sharp objects.

[egohalfempty]

[ Marvel upon her scowl, it's super scary (by which I mean not at all). ]

Oh, thanks for that advice, mysterious snarky man. Why, if you hadn't warned me, I would've totally gone around running into swords and stuff.

[doubleoohbaby]

I thought you might, hence the warning.

While we're at it, it's best to steer clear of explosives, moving vehicles, heights, super villains, open wiring, structurally unsafe buildings-- in fact, the list is rather endless.

[egohalfempty]

What if I just-- just stay inside my apartment? That sounds safe... compared to all of that. Right? Right?

I mean, that's my point! Sure, I like helping people when I can - maybe a little too much - but I'm so not suited for anything involving explosives. Or bad guys. I'm pretty... squishy.

[doubleoohbaby]

Mm, might not want to stay in the city provided apartments. They tend to be a bit of a death trap.

[egohalfempty]

What?! Why would you drag a bunch of people into an alternative universe just to drop them in death traps? Unless you were, like, an evil wizard... then that would actually make a lot of sense, but...

Then again, given my chronic lack of employment, maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

May... be?

[ sob codex why would you admit that to a total stranger ]