[stop that, it's very hard to stay angry when you're so ca--oh, look, you used two(well, three) wrong words!! Way to go, he's getting even more angry. Not that he'll actually snap at you unless you start reaching for him or anything.]

I'm none of those things!! [he certainly isn't wet. Nor does he have mange! His skin is very healthy!!] I can't even begin to tell you which is more wrong, and I certainly do not want or need to be cuddled!!! Especially not by a vampire! No matter whose face it has!! [it's not very nice to cuddle cold things.]