Fa la la la la, la la la la.

[shostakovich]

I think you are maybe a tenacious person, no? Someone who has the fire, the fire of hope in their soul. Such excellent, big eyes, yes! The seeking of knowledge, curiosity! Such a wonderful thing!

I am pleased. You are young, but recently I am making up my mind about the young people. They seem to have something going on up there. I also have something going on in my belly. It is a prediction-of-future kind of thing! We will also work on this for you.

This will be a wonderful experience! We will make sure to take it as fast as we can. After all, what fun is life if you cannot learn how to swim in the deep blue ice waters from your first little baby fat arms wiggling around like little sausages? This is an important life lesson. Everyone should have it.

Comments

[timespacemessiah]

......You.

[shostakovich]

Me!

[timespacemessiah]

Yes, you're the one who spreads Christmas commercialism. And you feel you have the right to pass judgement on the children of the world, spoiling the ones you favor. You are shameful, old man.

[shostakovich]

Commercialism?

Spoiling?

Favor?

[North throws back his head and laughs. Sorry if that wasn't the reaction you were expecting, Cyrus. This man has kind of a thick skin. Literally.]

Commercialism! Ha. Ho. No, no. Favor? No, no, the children--everybody gets gifts, naughty or nice! This is the point, you see? You are maybe getting your information from somebody else, my friend.

[timespacemessiah]

[Cyrus raises an eyebrow and snarls]

I got my information from the entire season that's going on around us. The children of the world worship you only because you give them material gain, but only to the ones you determine to be good children. In truth, there are no good children and the world is in a wretched state.

You are merely a symptom to a greater disease, you senile old fool.

[shostakovich]

Ah! You do not understand Christmas! This, I understand!

My friend, the Christmas spirit, she is in all of us. Yes, even you! Even if you do not say so, even if you think in your head, "No, I do not want this!" it is still there. It is in all of us! It is the feeling of love, joy and hope we all have within us, the inner child wanting to be set free.

You are apparently a person who does not like this sort of thing! Has no one given you a present for Christmas, Cyrus? [Yes, he knows your name. He's Santa.

And don't look now, but he has... a perfectly wrapped red package with a bow in his massive hands. How'd it get there? Christmas magic. What's inside? Well--it looks an awful lot like a tiny, extremely intricate model of Sunyshore City. But you'll have to open it to see that, first.]

[timespacemessiah]

I understand Christmas pefectly well. It's the rest of the world that does not.

And I do not believe in a good, worthwhile "spirit" of any sort. Love, joy, and hope are illusions created by the weak and incomplete human heart. I intend to realize my greatest potential, so I have no use for such things.

No one has given me anything, because I do not wish to recieve.

......Give me that. [Cyrus snatches the present from his hands].

[rrbando_rambo]

Everyone should hafta swim in ice cold water as a baby? Isn't that a little cruel and unusual?

OH I get it! You're from Alaska aren't you?

[shostakovich]

Clever one! [Finger on nose.] Close, but no sobranie. Antarctica.

I am totally okay with Santa's army. For the record. Christmas best holiday <3

[rrbando_rambo]

What's Sobranie? [A quizzical head tilt.]

Well hold yer reindeer sir! Only big jolly guy who lives in 'Tarctica is-

[He leaps forward and hugs your shin.]

SANTA!

I think we have an army of santa's building.

[logic_and_magic]

....You would put a baby in freezing water?

[Clearly you are crazy, Santa.]

You think this is bad, check out the number of Jack Frosts...

[shostakovich]

Babies, they come equipped with proper baby fat, allowing for swimming. Maybe not polar water, no. Just good northern hemisphere swimming pool, yes?

I know, I'm part of the Frost army ._.

[logic_and_magic]

...I suppose so. You should be clearer next time, lest someone actually believe you put an infant in polar waters.

[jokul_frosti]

[Chuckles. Oho, man.]

This metaphor may have gone a little wild, don't you think?

[shostakovich]

Jack Frost!

[Are you ready for a Nicholas St. North Bear Hug™, Jack? I sure hope you are, because you're getting it. Just ignore those bones cracking. He'll let you down after a minute, but only because you have to be breathing in order for him to tell you stories.]

What is this about wild? Why are so many people worried about the babies? Babies can put up with many things! Why, when I was about this small [hands quite close together for emphasis], with my own bare hands I kill a mountain lion that was terrorizing the village near my home! Giant thing. Ate many people. But I got it, and I THREW it to the ground, and I tell it to GO AWAY, THERE IS NO ONE WHO WANTS YOU HERE.

Babies, they have fortitude! They will grow up to be children! And children grow up to be young people, like you, Jack Frost!

[jokul_frosti]

Yea--

[Probably couldn't have been less ready for the hug if he tried-- and yet there he was. It's not like he needed his bones to hear such a tale, right?]

Haha! Easy there, big guy. Not every baby is born with a beard. Most kids these days'll cry if a kitten sneezes on them.

hay lady guess who

[letskicksomeice]

Sausages? There's a whole world of similes you could choose from and you're going with sausages.

WHY HELLO DERE

[shostakovich]

[So many Jack Frosts! North is having a good day. He is grinning at you now.]

Have you never seen the arms of a baby, Jack Frost? They are long, and round. Puffy, like a pastry. But yes, more accurately described by a sausage. You are merely made jealous by my perfect metaphor.

[rainbowfeathers]

[ Oh. How horrifying. ]

You might want to be a little clearer with your metaphors. Someone might think you would actually put a baby into freezing water!

[islandshore]

[...That beard. That red attire.

Riku rubs his eyes. This... it has to be a catch. Santa can't--]

...I don't know. Not everyone has the 'privilege' of ice water around.

[mywarrenmyrules]

Is that what you're giving out this year, involuntary dips in the nearest ice bath?

Good plan, mate. The kids'll love it.

[icanbuyafez]

Jeff! Blimey, it's been a while. Good to see you! How are you doing?

Have you heard from Al recently? Or wait, what century is this? Is he still around? Or has he been around yet?