dear_mun | (no subject)

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What is my real existence, I wonder. Some sort of bitter queen that runs off to the love she never has? A druidess to ensure the survival and to see the old ways flourish? Become a great queen and lead her people equally with her king? Or become like my dear teacher, Myrddin Wyltt, and become a recluse in the forests?

Why do I always wish for the latter?

Why does every road set out for me leads to pain except an existence where I'm hardly ever known? Perhaps, maybe someday, Gwenhwyfar, not Regina, will find an existence beyond some scourge and wretchedness. Truly, there is no hope for my kind, not even when the Christian god tries to drown us.

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Ah darlin. You gettin all existentialist on me? That simply won't do. Does it matter if one name or the other is claimed?

You are who you are. The only thing that can allow any change is you.

I cannot even use my own birth name, the name of my mother's tongue. A dirty Latin name to remind me what I am supposed to be but cannot have.

Who am I? I have heard this so much, but who am I really?

[He looks to her. For once, he's being serious]

You're someone who has learned more then I have, at your age. You're a woman who's been slandered for something she did not commit. Someone who is scared of harmin', or being harmed.

[He smiles slightly.]

A woman who bites.

[She appreciates the jab. No, really. If it were in normal circumstances, she'd laugh and tease.]

I'm not fit to be a ruler. Why does my fate keep steering me that way?

I hear those who don't want the power are those who should receive it. But that's just what I hear.

Ain't like it'll make you into somethin you're not. Right?

I cannot see my own future.

I'm afraid it will keep me from what I really want and I will be miserable as much as my own mother.

You say it like I can. I can only see with meh eyes forward and back.

Only way you'll be miserable if you want to be miserable. You see?

The only image I have of my future husband is right here in this world and I do not know if he will be the same way.

You don't know him yet. So he could be any way. He might be a jerkoff. He might be grand. You don't know until you meet him.

If it were only that simple, Chika. Not only does my kind ride upon what I do, but so many lives in Cymru.

So this marriage ain't to your consent?

It was arranged between Uther and my mother before I was born. My mother was desperate to keep the land under the rule of the old ways.

And from before they knew who you are, and what you wanted. Ain't that all class.

I never felt so lucky to be given up for an unwanted pup. So no consent. It's your wyrd for you to marry him-and it may save your people. No pressure.

Damn the conflicts bright eye. What do you want to do with this marriage, to a man you've never met?

On and on you drone of empty desires and questions with obvious answers. Hope is nothing, fate is nothing. Cease your tongue and move your body.

You're certainly mistaken if you believe complex situations come with obvious answers. As it is, the future is static; one choice, one desire can lead to dire consequences, like a ripple in water.

You speak that fate is nothing? Every life has a fate. It's a stagnate situation, pureblood, my existence is far much more different than yours. Come now, I was starting to like you.

Prattle, prattle, ignorant nonsense! Fate is a foe to slay and only those with pitiful hearts bend their knee to it. The future is what it is made into. No solution more complex than the swing of a sword is ever required, in the right hands with the right force!

And cease calling me a pure blood, whelp. I've no idea what you mean by it but it rolls from lips like an insult.

You call it more complex than a swing of a sword? And yet you say slay fate. Your words contradict one another, pureblood. I've already said: it is not that simple. I have the freedom to muse if I want to.

And that is what you are. A pureblood. A demon. I am a half-blood, a nephilim. It is what we call your kind.

I have already said that it is that simple. Fate dies as easily as anything else I choose to kill. You're further proving your tendency to babble on topics you've no knowledge of by labelling me with such an inappropriate title, so if you must muse, do so in a less irritating manner.

I am sorry, pureblood, but apparently you don't seem to understand what you speak is contradictory. That's quite fine, your lot can't seem to grasp the concept that you do not speak nor act on behalf of one being. Perhaps you ought to mark your territory elsewhere, hm?

I see you are deaf as well as stupid. I speak truths you prefer not to hear so you may wallow in uncertainty like it a comforting coat. You know, the least you could do is sing your stupidity, like a professional fool.

Edited 2012-11-27 09:44 (UTC)

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