mun is just gonna sit here sobbing

[roadblasted]

What, you're SURPRISED so many fine babes wanna piece of this? Man, I don't care if they're players, if you're sayin' all these chicks think I'm hot stuff? It just means they got SERIOUS good taste! Ladies KNOW where the action is~ Why settle for any man less than TURBO-TASTIC?!
Ya know if I could, I'd give 'em all a ride in my kart ANYTIME, baby~

... How is this making you uncomfortable? Ugh, FIIINE. But quit being so LAME! You're my player now, so that means you gotta be just as AWESOME as me! And let me tell ya, that's DEFINITELY not easy! So, ya think you're rad enough to handle me?

Then go get me a new game already!! I'm not gonna be some homeless unplugged LOSER! Now that Turbo Time AND RoadBlasters have bit the dust, ya gotta find me somewhere NEW I can race, and be the number one all-time TURBO-TASTIC champ! Hahaha!!

Comments

[a_budget_issue]

... You look like a zombie.

[roadblasted]

I'M NOT A ZOMBIE! My programmers just had a limited color palette, okay?! JEEZ! It doesn't make me any less RADICAL!

[He gets this a lot. Though in all fairness, the only thing that's ever actually convinced him he isn't possibly a zombie is that he's never had a craving for brains. Besides, since when do zombies kart race?]

[a_budget_issue]

My artists had an even more limited palette, ya don't see me runnin' around with zombie teeth.

[roadblasted]

Pssh, whatever! It makes me look hardcore and that's what matters, 'cause the only thing I am's a SPEED DEMON!

[a_budget_issue]

I'm just sayin', I think it's pretty clear the Disney studio's gone downhill in their character design department since my day.

[roadblasted]

Oh what do you want, a purple jacket and some poofy gold pants or something?!

[a_budget_issue]

Bit gaudy, don't you think?

[roadblasted]

[He scoffs.]

Bet I could pull it off.

[a_budget_issue]

You'd be the snazziest zombie I've ever seen, that's for sure.

[roadblasted]

SPEED. DEMON.

Alright wise-guy, find me these duds and I'll make it the most TURBO-TASTIC outfit you've EVER SEEN!

[a_budget_issue]

My mun's tellin' me I shouldn't do that.

And I try ta listen to her.

She's nice. Makes sure people remember who I am whenever possible.

[roadblasted]

You seriously need your mun's help just for people to REMEMBER you? Wow, talk about a LOSER!

[a_budget_issue]

[OOPS YOU HIT A NERVE.]

No! She just... helps, is all.

And it's not my fault that stupid Mouse came along and ruined everything.

[gonnawreckit]

Hey, Turbo. I've got an idea for your mun. Why don't you have them... [Pause for dramatic effect.] drive you off a cliff?

[c01110101testbug]

When they say they waⁿt a piece of you, I think tha̷͞͡t means they want you in pıǝɔes.

[roadblasted]

!? What's YOUR problem, jerk?!

... Hey, wait a second...
You're the wrecking guy from Fix-It's game! Ugh, did EVERYONE in that cabinet get a power surge to their idiot brains or something?!

[roadblasted]

Oh, look how cute the LITTLE BRAT thinks she is! Listen kiddo, you're just not old enough to understand why even player babes want all up in this action~

[Suddenly, he steps back, away from her slightly.]

What's with the glitchin', shortcake?

[roadblasted]

What mouse?
... Did some jerk just waltz in and steal all your thunder?

[c01110101testbug]

S'not a glit^ch, it's a gamep_ppplay feature.

[Yeah it's totally a glitch.]

[roadblasted]

[An intrigued smirk and brow raise.]

Go on.

[c01110101testbug]

[AND GO ON SHE WILL.]

Yeah! This is my defense mechanism when I'm gettin attacked on the road. It got programmed in 'cause my game is that sweet!

[roadblasted]

Your yankin' my chain!
... You say "the road"? What game ya from, gumdrop?

[c01110101testbug]

Well, I wouldn't expect you to know about it. Especially when you only got four colors, and one of 'em is puke.

I'm from Sugar Rush. It's preeetty state of the art.

[...compared to you.]

[roadblasted]

Ya better watch your big mouth, peppermint! I'm the GREATEST RACER there ever was, and ever WILL BE! I was winnin' trophies and gettin' high scores YEARS before you were even CODED! I'm the BEST THERE IS, so ya better show me some RESPECT!

Ya got my attention, though. Tell me more about this "Sugar Rush"~

I've been reading your other threads n stuff and dkfsdf ilu <3

[c01110101testbug]

Hey, I ain't no Peppermint. The name's Vanellope von Schweetz. You'd do best to remember than when you see me placin' on the scoreboard!

[...whenever she gets there, anyway.]

It's a racin' game with a rotating roster, so you're always playin' against different guys every day.