distanced from annoying coworker at last. also this guy's not a role model.

[bulletpoint]

You get to move cubicles. Congratufuckinglations on this monumental nonachievement in your boring-as-shit life. Seriously? I'm okay with you living vicariously through me if it gives you something to fucking do. For the full experience, add going flat broke, getting your face smashed in, and joyriding with Lara Croft to your bucket list.

Oh and kill your father. Points if he's wearing the Santa suit when you do it.

Comments

[widowing]

Santa suit?

[bulletpoint]

He does some parade thing every year that people freeze their asses off to go see. Rides a sleigh through the middle of town and everything. You couldn't ask for an easier target.

[widowing]

You've never heard of the term 'hidden in plain view'?

[bulletpoint]

Pretty sure his elves aren't packing AK's under their little green hats.

[widowing]

Do you really want to be caught off guard if they are? Because that would be an embarrassing way to go out.

[bulletpoint]

Guess I'll need back-up. You're into the covert thing.

It could be Mrs. Claus in the sleigh with a tipped candy cane.

[widowing]

Sure, as long as I don't have to wear anything that jingles.

Candy cane's too thin to hide the body of a gun. Poison-tipped darts would be better in that case.

[bulletpoint]

I didn't think you could be so festive. Put a bullet through Rudolph's nose and God bless us, everyone.

[widowing]

When the situation calls for it, I can be downright jolly.

[bulletpoint]

I think that's the scariest fucking thing you've ever said.

[widowing]

You haven't known me very long.

[bulletpoint]

More to come. Good to know.

[widowing]

At least you can consider yourself somewhat prepared.

[fortheglory]

[ oh my i do believe my ears are burning ]

[bulletpoint]

[ no. get out. only he's allowed to break the fourth wall. ]

Speak of the she-devil.

[fortheglory]

[ fuck you i'm lara croft, i can do whatever i want. ]

Well, that's not very polite.

[bulletpoint]

Yeah well you've got one of those faces and trust me it could trigger a lot more than some sass. [ but we reeeeeally don't wanna talk about that. ]

So. Raid any good tombs lately?

[fortheglory]

[ an eyebrow raises, but she lets the subject drop. she can figure it out later if she decides she really wants to. ]

There was a nice job in Albania, but nothing that involved saving the world or messages from beyond the grave. [ bit boring, actually. ]

[bulletpoint]

Well shit, why even bother getting out of bed in the morning?

[fortheglory]

I like to read the paper.

[bulletpoint]

World section or obituaries?

[fortheglory]

World's more relevant to my line of work.

[bulletpoint]

[ heh. heh... ] Fuck, this is weird. I know that's my life in a nutshell but Jesus Christ. [ screw it, he's just gonna squint into her face now like she's a dead lady on hooks. it's just so realistic you guys. ]

hello pink

[esssse]

Were you happy when you killed your father? Was the Santa suit satisfying, or is that another of those unfulfilled childhood dreams that depress you from time to time?

hello bruder

[bulletpoint]

All Christmas-related issues go to this girl. [ not dignifying that first question with an answer. dick. ] And you've got Hanukkah, I guess.

Dibs on Kwanzaa.

[esssse]

You have PR now? How charming. I thought you said you're done running away.

[bulletpoint]

Done letting other people control my life. That includes this tragic walking white-collar flashback.

I thought you said you're taking over the world or some shit.

[esssse]

Present tense.

If you're looking for employment, I can certainly use the extra hand.

[cons]

My God you're just the meanest person in the whole world. Why are you so mean? You're just mean.

[ and she's just being a tool to bug you wehwehhh ]

[bulletpoint]

Good to see you're still alive and bitching.

[ no shit ]

[cons]

Like death would be enough to keep me from bitching at you. [ griiin ]

[bulletpoint]

Or a plague of biblical proportions. No downtime for foul-mouthed zombie hunters?

[cons]

None, zip, zero. Though I'm not sure I'd consider myself a hunter, I don't go looking for the damned things.

That's what you do.

yo i heard you like resurrecting old muses

[revvedup]

Someone's not feeling the holiday spirit.

[ max you don't even know who santa is shut up. ]

Re: yo i heard you like resurrecting old muses

[bulletpoint]

About the only time I like about Christmas is overtime pay. And that's not really a thing anymore.

[revvedup]

So you've decided to launch an assault against Santa?

[bulletpoint]

Just putting the gun in her hand. Her call if she pulls the trigger.