dear_mun | On tonight's episode....spoilers in the comments.

Hmm...but shooting one's mun rarely ever solves anything, so I've heard. Not that it wouldn't be satisfying, mind you, but not very good for one's own survival.

And I don't care. Screw her.

[Apologies for him, but he just watched a baby get cut out of his Mom's stomach and then had to shoot her in the head. He's not feeling polite.]

Oh, your sentiment's not an uncommon one. Muns do all sorts of things to us for all sorts of reasons, most of which we're not going to like. However, our experiences, either at their hands or others, help to shape us into who we are as people.

[Phyllo is the picture of wizened serenity, being not only an old man, but one who has seen more than his share of tragedy among those he cares about.]

[His writer just caught him up and...he...would really like to say something except oh dear god.

So he'll just...stand there and...struggle with the right words. ]

[Dear God is right, there really aren't words, are there?

Carl just looks at Shane, and then back down at the ground as he tries not to cry. That definitely doesn't work, and it makes Carl turn his head away a bit as well as looking downward.]

She can't be gone...

[But she can, and she is now. Maybe not in this place, obviously because Shane is here, but where it matters? Carl Grimes' mother is dead. And he had to do it.]

[He's struggling not to get emotional. There are a lot of reasons - he was always taught that being emotional didn't make him a decent man, emotions were bad. If it can't be punched - Shane Walsh had trouble facing it.

Whatever problems he and Lori had, whatever he'd done, and she'd done...this was Carl. Rick's son.

And for a brief while he'd been his too. (In his mind, in his weary, unhappy mind) He had to at least try]

Don't. [softly] don't suppose you wanna hear about heaven or any of that.

[he certainly wouldn't].

Edited 2012-11-05 04:26 (UTC)

[Carl frowns hard at that and looks up at Shane, before giving a small shake of his head.]

Heaven doesn't exist. There's no way it does.

[No way. If there is a God? He wouldn't do this to the things he created, right? And if he would? That's stupid, and beyond terrible, and why? Just why?

God wouldn't make a kid help cut the baby from his own Mom's stomach. Carl can't believe that at all.]

...Well. I'd...argue for that too but...sometimes it's nice to think about when someone who you care about goes.

[He's lost a lot of people.]

Like a nice little lie you can tell yourself so you don't have to make the pain hurt so bad sometimes.

[Now Carl looks a little bit confused, on top of being upset, but at least he's actually looking at Shane now.

Honestly? He doesn't get that. Why lie to himself? It's not like he'll actually forget what he believes is the truth, even for a second.

But it's nice of Shane to try, and it's the same reason that Carol hoped she would see Sophia in Heaven... but he just can't. That doesn't mean that he won't find a way, and there was one thing that already helped a fraction of an inch.]

I'm just glad that they both didn't die. It...it wasn't all for nothing, not like with Dale...

[Shane closes his eyes at that] Doesn't make it hurt any less.

And it's...it's okay to hurt Carl. [SERIOUSLY Shane? Really?]

I know...

[Carl nods, using his shoe to nudge at the ground awkwardly.]

Dad told me... not like that, but he did. Said everyone dies, and I won't ever be ready for it. All I can do is do my best to protect them, right? So that's what I'm gonna do...

[And try not to think about the fact that he just had to put a bullet in his own Mom's face. Easy enough, only not.]

[Shane lowers his head]

Your dad...How is he?

[Other than screaming on the ground in absolute horror?

Oh boy... Carl seems a little bit hesitant, and maybe even like he's not sure. Because he isn't sure.]

Before... Mom... you know, he was okay. Tired from always running, but always had a plan and stuff. He's been real careful ever since Randall and... you know.

[You know, after he killed you, Shane? Why was that, anyway? As far as Carl knows, it was just because of the barn incident.]

[Shane goes strangely quiet. Right. That.

The homicidal rage. The fact that honestly, maybe if Rick had been the one to go out in that field he could have done something and then..]

[He looks away] Real careful about the people he keeps with you Carl?

Real careful. [A small pause] Actually, I don't think we've even really met anyone, but when we did he made sure they went the other way or stayed away from us.

[Shane doesn't say anything to that. It's smart - but it'd be something he would have done and suddenly Rick's acting like that? Mr. Serious, Mr. Friendly...

His hand balls into a fist at his side]

...You miss me kiddo?

Edited 2012-11-05 08:09 (UTC)

[Carl looks a little bit surprised at the question, only because the answer is easy. He sort of sounds sad when he answers though. Mostly because even if they're having this conversation here, it doesn't count for anything in the real world. The one where Shane and his Mom are dead.]

Yeah, of course I do. You saved me and Mom, and taught me a lot of things I won't ever forget.

[Like how to fail!catch frogs, Shane. You're the best other Dad he's ever had.]

[Fail!catching frogs usually works. Just ask Rick. This is an exercise they have repeated before. Of course it usually ended with Shane neck deep in the pond in Kings County but that's the point. You don't catch frogs you catch happiness.

It's like a "Tao of the Mind" kind of thing. He looks down.]

Your dad.

...How's he takin' it?

Not good.

[At all. Carl looks almost sick to his stomach even thinking about the way his Dad collapsed and screamed.]

[Right.

He runs his hand over his head]

How bad?

He fell down and... [Okay, fell down and cried makes his Dad sound like a baby right here (not like it isn't horrible, completely serious and understandable), and for some reason he doesn't get, Carl has to defend Rick's pride from Shane. ] Just lost it.

Like lost it...ranting and ravin' and screamin' like John Redcorn that old homeless guy he and I used to have to ask to leave from in front of the Baskin Robbins or...

[RICK. ARE YOU A DANGER TO CARL. Also unnamed offspring ~~That's totally his~~. Shane feels for his friend, his brother. Feels more then anything, but if you are then he needs to man up now.]

No...not that kind of lost it. Just...y'know...cried and yelled like he'd been shot.

[Because he pretty much did get shot, right through that heart of his. Shane hasn't been around to see Rick and Lori being distant with each other, and Carl can't even imagine how much worse that's making his Dad feel.]

[Shane considers this.] ...

Can I give you a hug kiddo?

[Again, Carl looks a little bit surprised, but only for a second. Then a faint smile comes onto his features, a kind of sad one, as he nods.

He could definitely use a hug. Hell, he could use one so badly that Carl takes the initiative to clear the distance between them and hug Shane around his middle.]

[This is real. Real. He missed this kid. Sophia was all right and the others were okay too but Carl...he felt responsible for.

Holding him tightly against him he resists the urge to kiss the top of his head, to hold him tight and never let him go. Boys wouldn't want that.]

...I'm not gonna let anything happen to you Carl. I swear. I promised that right?

[Note quietly that Rick is omitted from this]

[Carl draws back at Shane's words, nodding while offering him an almost stern look. He is dead serious about what he is about to say, and is not lacking in any confidence what-so-ever.]

And this time? I'll make sure nothing happens to you. I swear it.

[Have the best hug ever.] Looks like we'll be at the same place at any rate. I'll...keep an eye on your dad.

[The best hug ever to help his great sorrows? Heck yeah, Shane. You rock. So much that Carl totally misses that his comment might actually be a warning sign.]

If you come back, things will be so much easier. You helped the group a lot more than they realized.

[Oh...That's a punch in the gut.]

Are they still there? Glen and the rest of them?

Carl...

[And now he feels guilty for saying something he knows is wrong, after promising to always do what he feels is right. But he can't help it, he's too upset and frankly lost to feel anything but sadness and anger.

Excuse him while he clears the distance between the two of them, hugging his Mom around her middle tight. Like he might not ever get to again...

When he speaks, it's obvious that he's crying even though he is trying to keep himself from doing that. She's here right now, in this moment, and it's okay right?]

I'm sorry, Mom...

Edited (html fail) 2012-11-05 07:03 (UTC)

[She hugs her son back then crouches down to meet his eyes.]

You have nothing to be sorry for Carl.

[Mun keeps checking that game out.]

[Watch his face as he tries not to let it crumple with his desire to cry like a baby. He's trying to be strong, as much as he can... so he can take care of his Dad and the baby. And prove to his Mom that she was right, that he will find a way to beat this world.

Carl shakes his head at that, raising one hand to wipe one side of his face.]

I am anyway. There was nothing I could do... [He sniffles a little though, trying to stop the sting of tears as he looks at his living, breathing Mom.] B-but I'm glad you're here...

[One of the only places he might ever see her alive again.

OOC: Ahhh, it's a wonderful game so far and I'm totally ready to throw on my enabling hat right now hahaha.]

I'll always be here for you Carl. You did what was needed. What was right. You know what would of happened.

I know... but it was still really hard, Mom. I didn't... [A heavy breath and a pause as he tears up again.] I couldn't stand seeing you get hurt. And then...

[Carl just shakes his head and trails off there, not wanting to say the rest of it. Having to shoot her was... the worst living nightmare he could have ever had in his life.]

Carl?

[Shock. He's in shock, and the fact that his mun is planning on doing the same thing to him isn't helping any.

Lori? God, and he hate her for what she made him do, he hated her for what she did to Shane, and to him and god help... he was so angry, but now?

He pushed and pushed her away, and now look..

No, more kids stuff...

Not even a few words spoken and meant to offer a little bit of comfort, to his boy, to his son. They in no way could even come close to preparing him for what he had to do. What Rick himself should have been there to do.

No, more kids stuff...

All the games are over and he's standing here looking at his little boy, who is never going to be the same again.

And a baby, Jesus Christ a baby he didn't even look at.]

Christ... [He scrubs a hand over his face and sinks to his knees next to his son.]

[Carl just looks at his Dad with an almost blank expression, like all of the emotion has been torn out of him completely. It hasn't, but Carl just doesn't know how to react or what to do at all. He feels sick, not just because his mother is dead, but because he's going to have to relive it again. All of it.

Maybe Rick thinks he should have been there, but honestly? Even if Carl is completely traumatized, he thinks it was better that he had to put her down. His Dad... he hadn't ever dealt with the loss of one of them, not really. But Carl had lost a parent once, and he knows that even if it hurts so badly right now, he will find a way to push through.

Besides that, he knows he was lucky, to be able to say goodbye to her and make sure her last wish came true. It hurts...God it hurts, but Carl can understand that one day, that will help him too.

His Dad on the other hand? How could he possibly feel, losing his wife? Especially after they had been having some problems... it's not like Carl was stupid. He didn't miss any of that, and he knew something was wrong. And now his Dad is left with nothing, no closure or goodbye or...]

Dad...

[Carl is tearing up as he reaches out to grab his Dad's shoulder, and he tries to keep himself calm as he tries to help.]

She said...[a swallow] Goodnight, love. I-I...think she was saying it to you.

[He hates the fact that his son, his boy, is looking at him like that. That he's crying, wailing more accurately, and Carl- god help him, Carl is just staring at him blankly.

He'd be right about that, Carl's already buried his dad once. He buried his father and latched on to the man who'd been the next most constant figure in his life, then... he buried him too. Carl- Jesus Carl, Rick is failing. He's completely fucking all of this up.

They were having problems, and to be perfectly honest, Rick was almost hoping that the baby would help bring them back together. That ... maybe it would help.

Now Lori is gone, and Rick has the added responsibility of raising a child, and he can't even look at it. He can't even look at the little bastard child that is the whole reason why his son doesn't have a mother and he doesn't have a wife. How can he love something that started out it's life ruining theirs?

He grips his sons arm with fingers that are probably just a little too tight, he doesn't mean to, but he's hoping that maybe...

Maybe he can anchor himself.

Maybe he can pull himself together.

But all hope of that goes out the window when Carl speaks and Rick lets out a strangled sob. Shaking his head he can't even force himself to speak.

He needs to get himself together. He needs to pull himself into focus and stop letting his son be the man here. Why is it so hard to do that? They need him, they all do. But he can't he can't do it.

Oh god Carl he's sorry. He's awful, he's a terrible terrible person who pushed his wife away, who turned a cold shoulder to her and took for granted that she would be there. Now he is so god damn sorry. And there's nothing he can do about it. He's sorry for her. He's sorry for Carl. He's sorry he's not good enough to keep the rest of them safe.

He's sorry he thought this god damn prison would be safe and once again got too comfortable. He let everyone down again. He isn't good enough for this he's not good enough for his son. Carl... everyone deserves better. They all deserve better.]

[Carl is sorry, for the pain his Dad is feeling right now. To hear him like that just breaks his heart, and fills him with the want to help him.

To take care of him. Just like Mom said. It makes sense... she knew him so well, knew that Carl would have to help pick his Dad back up. Almost literally, too.

It's hard to accept what he's had to do, and incredibly hard to have his Mom's blood on his hands... but Carl can't crumble now. Not with Dad being the mess he is. He has to stay strong, and beat this world.

Just like Mom said.

Rick's grip is a little bit too tight, but Carl just ignores it the best he can and wraps his free arm around his Dad's head, pulling him in towards his chest. Tears sting at his eyes and Carl has to swallow to force back the wobble he knows will be in his voice, before speaking almost firmly. Like a parent would to reassure their kid.]

I-it'll be okay, Dad. I promise.

On tonight's episode....spoilers in the comments.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

sob Loriiii

I know. My feels.

you're going to make me cry again just with her FACE lmao

I have no shame in doing that.

jdhfkjdghdskj welp have a trophy

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject