On the muse learning a little of his past and future.

[chaoticshambles]

Yeah? Yeah!? Well fuck you too! You knew! You know what this will do to me and you're gonna do it anyway, you sack of shit. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!

Fuck it. I'm done. I'm goddamn gone. I'm going to forget it all, just like before. I'm going to cease to exist and you can just suck it, asshole!

Comments

[hungrybug]

Ka-- Aikawa...

[chaoticshambles]

D-don't talk to me. I don't exist.

[hungrybug]

Aikawa, what are they trying to do?

[chaoticshambles]

I'm...I'm remembering. I don't want to. I just want to... I just want to be me or be dead.

[hungrybug]

Why are you afraid of remembering? What's going to happen?

[chaoticshambles]

I don't know. Something horrible- just forget it. I won't let it happen.

[hungrybug]

I can't forget it. It's not that convenient for me. It might be the thing... that took Kaiman away from me.

Tell me, Aikawa.

[chaoticshambles]

I ain't telling you anything. I already said too much, I don't even know you.

[hungrybug]

Aikawa!

Don't I deserve to know something after everything that's happened? Why do you always run? Why can't you just tell me?

Why... why can't...

[chaoticshambles]

No! You don't deserve this! That's exactly what!

No one does! No ones done something so terrible they deserve to be involved in this! Why can't you just give up and go be happy somewhere!?

[hungrybug]

I can't be happy! Not without him. Not without at least knowing why this all had to happen.

Maybe you don't remember... but Kaiman was my most important friend. I didn't know what it was like to be happy until I met him.

[chaoticshambles]

[Oop, there goes the mask.]

Sorry. But too bad. You have to stop. You're going to get hurt worse.

[hungrybug]

I'm not afraid of that. I'd rather get hurt then do nothing.

We made a promise... I'm still holding onto it.

[chaoticshambles]

And did you ever think maybe I don't want to hurt you?

[hungrybug]

... I guess I didn't think much about it...

[chaoticshambles]

Exactly! You have no idea what's happening so stay out of it.

[hungrybug]

I can't. I'm involved in this, as much as everyone else. If I walk away, the past will find me again. Even if I step away from all of this, with my magic and my reputation, now, there's no real hiding from it.

I'm not running away anymore... this is what I want. I want to fix things. For you. For both of us. I want to take hold of things for once in my life before the world falls apart.

This is bigger than just you.

[chaoticshambles]

You can't, damnit! You can't fix this! It is about me! Only I can, but not with you and everyone else fucking it up for me!

[hungrybug]

And how do you plan to fix it?

[chaoticshambles]

By disappearing.

[hungrybug]

You mean dying.

Right?

[chaoticshambles]

...Yeah.

[hungrybug]

[ Her heart sinks. ]

... Compared to him, you really are a coward, Aikawa. Kaiman would never go that route. First and foremost, he wanted to stay alive.

Not that it matters. From what I've seen, you don't die very easily. I don't even think you can accomplish it.

[chaoticshambles]

Coward? Yeah. I am. No question. But what's so great about being brave? I decide to force drag myself around and try to find some solution that isn't there? In the meantime everyone who dies or worse because of me, what about them? Bet they'd wish I was a coward.

I'm not believing in happily ever afters. They don't happen, not to me. And I'm sick of knowing that. I'm sick of everything. Maybe the worst case scenario I can't die turns out to be true. Maybe I can get myself sealed up somewhere and stop thinking 'til I turn to stone.

[hungrybug]

Don't feed me that bullshit. You're not protecting anyone, you're giving up. You don't want to work for a solution. You just want to escape the pain. You act like you're the only monster in this world and the only one who's hurt the people they've cared about, but you're talking to the number one coward. You can hide away, you can try and die, but it's not going to solve anything in this world. I've learned that. You'll stow it away, but it'll fester and break out after so long. Risu will still be here, and the Cross-Eyes, and the devils that are twisting this world. You won't be solving anything.

I've fallen apart for you, risked my life and sanity for you, suffered. I've sacrificed the last bits of my precious humanity for you, the remnants of the man that I admired, and I've done it with no regrets. I've faced my greatest fears and myself, all for you. I'm not about to sit here and listen to you become the me that I hated. Even if you aren't the person I wanted to spend the rest of my days with, you are still a part of him, and that's enough to keep me going.