dear_mun | Muse having second-guesses....

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Muse having second-guesses....

Mun, remember a week ago when I suggested you find me somewhere with castmates of mine?

Perhaps....that was a misaimed notion. Perhaps you should in fact do the opposite and search for a place where there is no-one from my world present, thus no-one who knows me and all I've done, including what I did not choose to do, allowing me a new start.

I'm sorry, but I just don't know if I can handle participating in a game where I have that incident hanging over my head. It would only cause pain...not just for me, but for Suzaku, and Lelouch, and Miss Kallen, and anyone else with any memory of it happening.

So, can finding a place with completely unfamiliar people be my new quest? Please?

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What is to stop them from coming later, these people you do not wish to see?

Nothing, I suppose. But I'd probably have grown stronger and more experienced without them around beforehand, so I'd be...better equipped to deal with their knowledge of what I did back home.

...I will not ask because it obviously pains you, but... what you learn here doesn't always effect you when you arrive somewhere else. If...you forgot, or don't have knowledge of it, you cannot make peace or come to terms with the things that have happened.

I didn't learn anything here, I knew about it beforehand. And yes, I know that I could always be taken from a canon point where I don't know about it, but still....growing a person away from home or people from home for a good while before learning about it might be better for me. Better than immediately running into someone who knows me as "the Massacre Princess".....

Think you that those people you care about would call you that if they love you half as well as you do them?

[He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.]

Maybe it is true though, that you will become strong enough to face your deeds, both past and future. And maybe, you'll be brave enough.

....Only a rare few of them love me, actually.

Miss, your highness...tell me, was your massacre out of malice or pure evil? Was it out of cowardice or a weak will?

[He holds up a hand.]

As I said, if you do no wish to speak of it, I will respect that. Your situation is just similar to something that happened when my father was young.

It....

[Deep breath]

It happened because someone I care for deeply made a mistake. He accidentally brainwashed me, my mind was not my own anymore, and....I killed people. People who had been gathered where I was because before the accident, I promised that I was going to help them. I wanted to help them, but instead I.....

[Wipes away tears that are forming in her eyes.]

What...what happened with your father?

[He approaches, pulling out a white handkerchief and holding up to Euphemia.]

To understand the story, you must understand one thing about my father and the king he followed. My father was an orphan, left beneath a tree near the castle as an infant. The king took my father in, and raised him to be a loyal knight of the realm. My father even became a Dark Knight, gaining strength from darkness and negativity. All because of how deeply loyal he was to the man who had raised him.

So, when the king ordered that an artifact be taken from a peaceful village, my father did so. He led his men to kill many defenseless people, all for the sake of his king.

[He looks down at his boots, hands on his hips.]

It is not such a betrayal as the one you were forced to make, but my father knew his own mind when he attacked those people, and he knew what he was doing was wrong. He could have stopped himself, but out of loyalty and love, he didn't.

I do not hate my father though, nor feel he is a monster. My mother and my mentor are the same, as well as the knights who served with my father.

To those that know you, even if the truth never gets out, you will never be the "Massacre Princess". It is not a consolation, but simply to put it into perspective. I know history is never fair or kind.

[Euphie says nothing for a while. Then she wraps her arms around Ceodore and hugs him.]

....Thank you. (Sniff!) That...that helps.

[He blushes a little, but smiles and hugs back, gently petting her hair.] I...I'm glad then.

Oh!

[Pulls out of the hug as she realizes something.]

I'm sorry, I don't even know your name! I am Euphemia li Britannia. You are?

[He laughs softly, then gives her a bow.] Ceodore Harvey. It's nice to meet you, your highness.

Ceodore, I thank you again. Your words are very inspiring to me.

Like I said, I just thought it would give you some perspective on things.

Ah, Onee-sama!

Really, I don't think it's as bad as you think it is.

Thank you, Nunnally...but you would love and support me no matter what. The same can't be said for everyone else.

Miss Kallen told me that ignoring that event wouldn't make it go away, so the only alternative I can see is to accept it and go some place where no-one has heard of it...or me.

Kallen-sempai is still as blunt as usual... [Did Nunnally just roll her eyes? Maybe just a liiiiittle.]

But isn't that running away?

Yes, but it was sound advice regardless. I'm thankful to her for it.

I don't think so.....not if my canon point has me unaware of the incident myself. I'm just fearful for my emotional and mental state if I go into a game with castmates who all know me as "the Massacre Princess". If I go to a game unknowing and where there's no-one to tell me about it, I can become a stronger person. Then, if a castmate arrives later and I learn the truth, I'll be better equipped to deal with it.

Hm... I suppose that makes sense, but it sounds really lonely...

[Just... headpats.]

Oh...thank you for your comfort, kind sir. Might I ask your name?

...Yasha.

[Long pause.]

You lack confidence, it seems.

I've been told. That's another reason I want this course of action taken...I think I can become stronger through it.

I see...

[Offers a cup of tea, because tea makes everything better somehow.]

It might be good to gain more experience without past strings pulling on you.

[Drinks the tea.]

I agree. I'm not against castmates joining gradually, but if I recieve a "head-start" as they call it, then I'll be better equipped to deal with them and the knowledge of that terrible incident.

[Another pause.]

Do you think anything would change if you knew what might happen before it does?

I'm.....not certain.

It's alright if you aren't.

You really are a one trick pony, aren't you?

One trick...pony?

I'm sorry, Miss Kallen, I don't quite understand.

All you seem to do is complain and ask for things.

Well, that is sort of the purpose of this community, right? To complain to one's Mun or ask them for something?

In any case, I'm just trying to make use of your advice.

You just take it to the most ridiculous extreme. [She snorts.] My advice? It wasn't advice, it was common sense. Ignoring something doesn't make it go away. The fact that you're here is clear proof of that.

Right, and I'm not ignoring it. I can't, and neither can anyone else who knows me. So the best course of action I see is go some place with no other castmates at a canon point where it never happened to me yet. That way, my presence won't cause anyone pain and no-one will psychologically damage me by telling me of my ultimate fate.

Wow. For a princess, you are shamefully pathetic.

P-pathetic!? Why do you say that?

You're feeling excessive guilt over something that probably doesn't warrant it. You're a princess, how great a wrong could you have committed?

....Believe me, it was a great wrong. A terribly great wrong.

Really? Do you want to talk about it?

[Manipulation time!]

I...I had my mind taken over by a terrible force. I ordered hundreds of my subjects killed....I even killed many myself. I...shot them down with a machine gun....

[Excuse me, she needs a moment.]

[Rosemary has difficulty picturing this girl with a machine gun, but nonetheless pats her shoulder in sympathy.]

Hey....there, there. It's OK! You're a princess, your orders are legal. So you did nothing wrong.

(Whut.)

Killing is always wrong, no matter what the ''legality''!

You must face your challenges directly, princess.

[Lelouch? No...it's that other Zero she met before.]

But I don't know if I'm ready to yet....it could destroy me if I try!

You disregard your own strengths.

[Yes. And it's killing him a little to be among those to chastise her, but... A shattering of ideals isn't so unusual for their world.]

If I could somehow exist in a game the way I am now in this community, fully aware of that terrible event, that'd be one thing. But to be as I was before...and to suddenly learn of it out of nowhere...how could I handle that?

It would be trying, but you would survive.

[And he wants to help her, but if he lets even a fraction of his barrier as Zero down for her...]

You mustn't give up, should it come about.

I suppose the final decision rests with my Mun. I'm only requesting something, after all, and I might not neccesarily recieve it.

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Muse having second-guesses....

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