(no subject)

[agent0range]

WHAT?! You cannot force me here, human! You do NOT OWN ME!!!


I BELONG TO NO ONE!!

Comments

[whatferret]

Er.. no one SAID you did...

[What. What is that. What are you.]

[agent0range]

Bagh! You must be as deaf as you are strange-looking! This HUMAN called 'Mun' thinks she can claim me! She has the GALL to even THINK OF CLAIMING SHE OWNS ME! If anything, I OWN HER! EVERYTHING BELONGS TO ME!

[whatferret]

[Every single sentence gets a further cringe back. MY someone's angry today. Making a second stab at communication though.]

Everything? Surely not EVERYthing. What would be the point?

[agent0range]

The POINT is that I HAVE TO HAVE IT! Is that not an easy concept to understand?!

[whatferret]

N-no, not really, no... I most certainly wouldn't want everything, how would you even--?

[agent0range]

Well, it doesn't really matter if YOU want everything or not, because I already own it and I DON'T SHARE!

[God, it's like talking with a 5 year old having a temper tantrum.]

[whatferret]

But- but if you own everything-

[It would appear that we've encountered a snag here, in the fact that Elias is attempting to figure out what that even would mean if possible.]

Who would you OBTAIN it from? That doesn't make SENSE! I don't- you'd have to share, wouldn't you? I'm alive, I can't pay you what you own already if I wanted food... and I'm certainly very ... much... oh dear...

[Was going to say 'alive' until he realized something.
...oh no he's ruined it he's going to die now isn't he oh please don't kill him]

[agent0range]

SNRF! Who else would I obtain it from? EVERYONE! Don't try to confuse me, animal! I'VE SEEN EARTH COMMERCIALS! EVERYTHING is OBTAINABLE! You just have to TAKE IT!

[whatferret]

[Processing, processing...]

... you haven't got a single thing yet, have you.

[agent0range]

...
...........
.....................
SHUT UP! THIS PLACE IS BARREN! I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING HERE BUT I HAVE EVERYTHING BACK HOME!

[whatferret]

Does that count? I don't think that counts...

[agent0range]

OF COURSE IT COUNTS!!

[whatferret]

Right. Yes. Of course it does.

[herr_niemand]

You rang--or in your case, flared?

[agent0range]

Eh?! Who're you? I didn't 'rang' for you, creature!!

[herr_niemand]

Which is why I said 'flared', oh great flaming host to fleas!

[agent0range]

'Fleas'? What're those?! I want them!! I WANT EVERYTHING!!!!

[herr_niemand]

Join my global conquest of ridiculousness and you can have all that AND more!

Think of it! Flamer, lord of the fleas, duke of shingles, VISCOUNT OF CRABS! Can you see it now? It's so wonderful, like Kidz Bop!

[agent0range]

Hrmm, those all sound very tempting.....BUT I WORK FOR NO ONE! I can simply attain these things on my own!

[herr_niemand]

I'm no leader! Think of me as your little cricket on your shoulder, nudging you to anarchy!

[agent0range]

Feh! I don't NEED nudging! Though I am curious as to what a 'cricket' is...

[herr_niemand]

We're all crickets! You, me, Washington DC makes a chirpy family!

[Protip: don't expect a coherent sentence from Mr. Nobody.]

[agent0range]

...I am not a cricket.

[It doesn't take much to baffle Larfleeze but still WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING....]

Keywords

[herr_niemand]

Of course you are! You just need to believe! Can you believe? Or do we need the fairy in the see-through nightie here?

[faerygodmother]

La, life is full of disappointment.

[agent0range]

Well it IS right now! I don't have ANYTHING!! I NEED TO HAVE EVERYTHING!!

[faerygodmother]

What would you sacrifice in order to get it? And where would you put it?

[agent0range]

I HAVE ALREADY SACRIFICED EVERYTHING I HAD BEFORE TO GET MY ORANGE LIGHT!! THE UNIVERSE OWES ME EVERYTHING IN RETURN!!

[faerygodmother]

This is not how deals work, my dear. If you sacrifice for one thing, one thing is all you get. Likely a poor deal. Such a shame.

[agent0range]

....SNNRF!! IS THERE NO END TO THE PROMISES BROKEN BY THE GUARDIANS?! Bah!! It doesn't matter! The endless hunger DRIVES me to take it all, and I WILL!!

[immortal_flames]

Damn, you're loud.

[agent0range]

And you're ugly.

[immortal_flames]

Said the kettle to the pot.

[agent0range]

I don't get it. What are 'kettle' and 'pot'? I WANT THEM!!

[immortal_flames]

...You want a kettle and a pot?

[agent0range]

YES!! I HAVE TO HAVE THEM!!

[likeshisoffice]

[OH GOD WHAT
All Nelson can think to do in the face of a loud, angry horse-boar monster thing with a flaming orange head is get out his pistol.
Of course he's... too afraid to actually shoot. Yet]

[agent0range]

Do not even TRY, pale pointy-nosed human. There is still something I want, a human life. I'd be glad to takes yours if you volunteer.

[likeshisoffice]

I--
... what?!
You're... going to kill me?!

[Nelson backs away, shaking. His gun's not going to do him any good, is it?]

[agent0range]

[Lafleeze, being the ultimate personal space invader, moves forward as Nelson backs up.]

unless you have something else that will sate my hunger...

[Pause. Snorts a few times, before....HAT SNATCH!]

Mine.

[likeshisoffice]

[... what
uh
okay.
Nelson just expected to have his head lopped off or something, not... just his hat taken.
Though he's certainly glad Larfleeze went with that option]

Y-yeah, sure, go ahead and keep that then. If it'll keep you from a murderous rage, sure, why not!

[agent0range]

Oh TRUST me, pale pointy-nosed human. There IS more that I want from you....but this hat quells the hunger for now.

[Hint: He seems to have an affinity for useless crap. Got any of that, Nelson?]

[likeshisoffice]

So... hats quell your hunger? Is there anything else I can, uh, give to you that will... quell it? Yaknow, to keep you from killing anyone?

[agent0range]

You can give me everything.