dear_mun | scratch that, hunting for a game or something yeah.

A crazy woman, that fancy robo-assassin, and some other raunchy well-meaning hooligans. Well. By my definition of the word. When we're lookin' at those Hyperion nutjobs as the alternative. There's no better company than a pasture of fellow crazies.

Gotta say though; huge disappointment when that old Underdome lost business. I mean, some of those organs smashed up by cannibalistic midgets and grumpy old junkyard squatters weren't the best quality corpses to roll in. But a few rusty staples and some super glue patched them up pretty well. Think that last fellow lasted a whole day. Just long enough for me to master the treasured practice of disembowelment. Thought I'd lost my touch, but naaaah.

Plus, a lot of these garbage dumps I'm seein' need a proper doctor and while my medical license may be next to nonexistent, I'm definitely more skilled than most folks who sport that bullshit badge of honor. Professional my ass.

I'm sure the kind people of Whatsawhoville will be more than happy to juice themselves up with what I got to offer. Er, minus that last bandit I pumped with that new formula. Acidic blood and pus leaking out of a man's chest buds is never a good thing. Might need to dilute it with more watered down whiskey next time. Trust me. I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing.

Trial and error's what they always say. Best way to go.

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You know, you talk a lot for a psycho playing Operation with a pair of rusty tongs over tweezers and calling it brain surgery, Zeddie boy.

Not that I don't appreciate your atrocities. I mean, the acid blood transfusion just sounds lovely- a regular bucket of laughs. Anywhere that's lucky enough to have you should look forward to the torture.

Well golly. Thanks. That sure means a lot coming from a halfwitted lunatic who completely obliterated my damn home.

Why, I oughta' just move again. Right next door to you. Hell, I'd give you a discount. Who stapled that ol' Nine Toes' manbits to your face anywho? Betcha' it was one of them "real" doctors with a medical license.

Jeepers, Doc. You couldn't possibly mean the shithole Fyrestone? I mean if anything I just made it better. [There's a conniving little laugh] Ahhhhaha... you're welcome.

Ah, that's cute. A real nice try for a bandit born piece of shit. I got manbits on my face, and yet I'm still better looking than that mug of yours. Tough break.

[ the butthurt is strong in this one but hey, he's not gonna let Jack in on that. ]

And there's gonna be a resounding applause when I'm filleting your corpse for "medical research" here in Sanctuary. Word has it, those wily vault hunters are catching up to you, son. Always thought that bunch was a bandwagon of something but their work as of late's been awfully charitable.

Anywho, let's not compare good looks here. Last time I checked, I couldn't peel mine off. Betcha' a free checkup that whatever's under that slab of meat's more comparable to Crazy Earl's crap hole.

Huh? What? You say something?

Couldn't hear anything past the whiny gibberish you scum sucking, skag licking filth over at Sanctuary speak. It's kind of something between chipmunk chatter and a drunk inbred midget. I think there's a filter between what's lower than dirt and, well, a rich as all get out powerhouse. It's okay, it doesn't mean you're inadequate and not worth my time.

Oh wait. It does.

And us folks at Sanctuary keep listening to the grating sound of your voice whenever you feel like throwing a tantrum about how piss poor your witch hunt's goin'. Havin' those vault hunters on our side sure does a lotta' good for stocking up bodies in the freezer.

What's all that about a million bucks for turnin' in one of these so called low-lifes? Or maybe the fact that you spent all that effort wastin' my hometown?

Guess we're worth somethin'.

Did I ever let you in on how many of these crazy bastards apologize for cheerin' on your team right before I buzzsaw their peckers off? Quite the loyal fanbase you got there.

See, now, you assume that money is an object for me. Obviously it's not. A million bucks? Chump change. Yeah. You guys are worth piss in the wind. But if another hard working mercenary or underling can use the cash and all they need to do is drag one or five measly Vault Hunter corpses on over here-- sure. Let 'em have it.

As for some of my following you managed to get in your gurney, you realize that's just what happens when you have a weak human being in your hands. You know how many of those teammates of mine used to be rooting for your team? Yeah. Most I just shot in the mouth, because it made me feel good and others we were able to persuade with chump change and leverage. Yeah. I gave them a more profitable alternative, and you made them eunuchs. This is why I'm the Hero, and you're not.

And yet here we are. Talkin' like age old buddies. We're having a mighty big conversation here. Do you make a habit of chatting with "piss in the wind." 'Cuz that'd explain whole lotta' your attitude, son. And last time I checked, those corpses were well on their way to finding you all by their lonesome.

Seein' as we both agree that those asshats you're roundin' up to go after them are "weak human beings." Well no, I'd beg to differ. Some of them last a good fifteen minutes before bleedin' to death.

Also, I'm sure you get this all the time, but did you ever have a daddy, cause you are one grade-A bastard.

I think that's just adorable how you think I care.

Aww, thanks, pal. I think Daddy would've been proud that I'm a "grade-A" bastard. All that time I spent kicking puppies and punching babies for my training, well, I'm just glad it all paid off. Too bad he's gone and passed. If I wasn't convinced she'd look just like you with lipstick on her surgical mask, I would've celebrated this milestone of achievement with your mom.

Looks like we've got ourselves a real man here. Punching babies and kicking puppies. No wonder you got the majority of Pandora shakin' in their booties. And here I thought it was because you were some brand of mass-slaughtering asshole.

Also, excuse you but my mother was a one helluva saint. Gotta say, her standards reached a new low every day but she never hit rock bottom. Don't flatter yourself.

I know, people keep getting me confused with the guy responsible for leveling towns, destroying every last goddamn bandit that gets in my way, rebuilding towns to fit my own ideals..... Oh wait. I did that too. Hm. [Flatly] Whoops.

I guess it's not so much man-slaughtering as it is pest control. See, cuz y'all are just parasites that don't belong here.

Ohhhh. Too bad Mama Zed is dead, we'll never know exactly if you're right or not. I'm sure I could've gotten your mom to hit low enough to go down. I wouldn't have wanted to be your new daddy or anything, but... ah, hell, you could probably use a strong male figure in your life you little scamp.

And yet here we are, gabbin' away. Prob'ly because you're doin' a piss poor job annihilating this city. Talk's about all you got goin' for you when you're watchin' your own annihilators plowing right toward you. SO. Don't give yourself too much credit, you slag sniffing crackpot.

But now you're talkin' bad about my mama. That just ain't right. But hey, if you wanna take up that empty spot in my heart of bein' my daddy why don't you just stop on by for a little family reunion.

scratch that, hunting for a game or something yeah.

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You're amazing btw. Lots of Borderlands reserved at Exsilium just so ya know

hfaskfahsfi thank you so much! your jack is lovely AND I SAW. i am legit eyeing it...

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