On the mun's designs for character development

[decadency]

Even that ninth grade history text book you stole from your Catholic high school told you that the crusades ended badly.

I'm not doing it. Dean is unable.

So, uh. I rebel.

Comments

[betterthisway]

[And there's the return of the fidgeting. Castiel has a habit of breaking things. Includinghimself. Always, it seems. Still his fingers curl around your hand and cling, shaking, covering the pills for now.]

Yes. Sam was in the hospital. I fixed Sam and took his place, they left, the people there give me pills. The more pills I, I take, the more it... it dampens my... and then Lucifer talks to me. Sometimes Dean or Sam. Balthazar. Everyone I killed. They are not real, and they hurt.

[Sometimes he wishes he had no Grace to shield him, that Lucifer would torture him until he died, like Sam almost did. But it would be too easy, and it won't happen.]

You have... you have two Deans. Stay with the younger one, the one we have faith in. He will be pulled back, please, you can go with him. That way, he can have you when I destroy everything. Everybody will be happy.

[decadency]

[ Yeah. They break things. Especially themselves. And there's no absolution. There's no forgiveness or purpose. Things just are. He looks down and smiles, grin cracking his expression wide like a wince.

They hurt. Yeah. He gets that. Hence the pain meds. ]

I can't—I can't leave him. [ Dean. Dean in 2014. ] I'm, we're a part of this, angel. He'd be alone. [ And Dean does not function well alone. ]

[ He smiles again, apologetic, desolate. ] I, uh, I can't make Dean happy. Sam—Dean needs Sam. He doesn't need—us. [ His voice cracks. This is just the way things are. ]