(no subject)

[withholding]

It's... It's in the past now. It can't be helped. No matter how much either of us wish--

Comments

[magic101]

Hmm...

...sounds really personal.

[withholding]

Ah, yeah, sorry. Just... Thinking outloud, I guess.

[magic101]

[she stiffles a giggle, but some of it comes out]

You do that a lot too, I'm guessing.

[withholding]

What gave me away?

[magic101]

You just have... a look. [smile]

[withholding]

You're not the first to have told me so.

[romaniatonerima]

True, we live in the present! Our roots in the past should guide us, not trap us.

Don't you think?

[withholding]

Oh, yes, of course. Only sometimes, I think that's easier said than done.

[youwillgotohell]

Wish what, Merlin?

[withholding]

[ He reluctantly meets her gaze. ]

Wish I hadn't listened to Gaius. Wish I could have just been honest with you.

[youwillgotohell]

[She sneers, because it's easier than remembering that part of her life. It doesn't hurt as much.]

And what will wishes get you? Don't say forgiveness, because I have none for you.

[withholding]

[ Tiredly. Resignedly. ]

Nothing. Wishes will get me nothing at all. I know this. [ His voice is hoarse and close to cracking. ]

It would be wrong to ask you to trust me. But Arthur? Gwen? You condemn them so easily for offenses they have not commited.

[youwillgotohell]

[And she laughs, because she wouldn't expect him to understand. It's a cruel sound, mocking, and there's no mirth in it.]

Gwen betrayed me, and Arthur is as much a hypocrite as his father. Their offenses pile up, Merlin, even if you' rather not see them.

[withholding]

And your own hypocrisy - your blind intolerance, your bitter hatred and cruelty - what of that, then? You once fought hard to end tyranny, now you embody it willingly.

[pratsincebirth]

[ let Arthur rudely interrupt you ]

What are you prattling on about?

[withholding]

-- Nothing. Nothing at all. [ He studiously avoids Arthur's gaze. ]

[pratsincebirth]

[ It doesn't sound like nothing to Arthur. His eyes narow in suspicion. ]

What's wrong with you? [ Not in general, Arthur knows the answer to that. He means right this moment. ]

[withholding]

Morgana. [ Merlin winces; her name doesn't taste right on his lips. ] I've been thinking about her. That's all. [ He reluctantly meets Arthur's eyes this time. ]

[pratsincebirth]

[ It's Arthur's turn to look away. He's been trying to focus on his men rather than who they both know kidnapped them. ]

Don't. [ That's an order, Merlin. ] She's no one's concern but my own.

[withholding]

[ Merlin's chest constricts - how wrong Arthur is. Morgana is his concern in every sense of the word. It's his fault, his responsibility, his destiny. But he only smiles weakly, tries to look reassuring. ]

Yes, sire.

[goodfaith]

[ This way of speaking, this concerns her. ] Merlin? [ What do you mean, it can't be helped? What's in the past? ] Are you all right?

[withholding]

[ Hastily, he uses his sleeve to wipe away the warm, angry tears from where they're beginning to gather at the corners of his eyes. ]

Fine. I'm... fine. [ The words ring terribly insincere and he can only hope she doesn't further pry. At this point, he can no longer be certain what will or won't spill out in his agitated state. ]

[forcamelot]

[He'll just be barging in like it's his job, as usual.]

...Wish?

[withholding]

[ Nervously. ]

Did I say wish? I meant-- Dish. I've just got to finish clearing these plates away. If you'll excuse me, sire--

[ He makes a big show of gathering the remnants of Arthur's breakfast together, piling everything onto one big tray in hopes of leaving the room without further questioning. ]

[forcamelot]

[It's a good try, but the King's feeling particularly persistent this morning. Lowering a hand to the tray, Arthur pins it to the table before Merlin has a chance to carry it away.]

You said that something was 'in the past'.