This guy punched his way into my head. Holy crap that hurt. (Canon: Borderlands)

[the_slab_king]

Alright, listen up, slab. If you're gonna have me up here, we gotta do some major changin'. First off, we need some more tits. Go find Moxxxi and have her send some of her mags our way. Secondly, if you're gonna be a slab, you're gonna have to toughen up.

Fourthly, go find me one of those Jacks you said you saw around so I can turn his skull inside out.

Comments

kdsfkshd Hell yes, more Borderlands! ... also, apologies in advanced.

[handsomejack]

Oh well this is just priceless.

First- since we're making lists now- we agree on something. We can always use more tits... even the diseased ridden kind that two timing bitch Moxxi could provide.

Second- You realize you skipped over 'thirdly' right? No wonder your slabs are so easy to take down, their dumbass leader can't even count.

Third- since you failed to mention something, I'm going to make the honors of calling you out on the whole sending the Vault Hunter to do your dirty work thing. Exhibit A, killing my girlfriend. Yeah. Don't think I'm not going to make sure you personally pay for that one by eating the biggest goddamn bullet in existence.

Fourthly- Skulls can't do that.

>:3 Don't worry. It wouldn't be Jack if he weren't an ass.

[the_slab_king]

You're just jealous because she kicked you to the curb when she saw how much of a douchebag you were. Never said the slabs were very smart. We just take pride in smashing stuff, like your fucking skull.

[Cracks his knuckles.]

Also, when did I kill your girlfriend? Not that I'm denying it, just all those faces tend to blur together after you rip apart hundreds of your puny bots and soldiers.

As for the skull, I'd be more than willing to test it.

True dat. XD; Also, sorry if I'm responding with spoilers

[handsomejack]

Tell ya what, sport. You can try. You may have the retard strength on your side, but you're still "that guy" that cried like a bitch over his puppy.

[He laughs under his breath] My only regret is I didn't get the honors of snapping its neck myself. But, you know... the Sheriff really had ways of making damn good anniversary presents and that one, my friend, took the cake.

Pffft, don't be. I've beaten both games, my memory just sucks at times.

[the_slab_king]

[Okay, yeeeeeeah. Jack, there's one thing you should know by now. You don't make Brick mad. With a roar - that was supposed to be a stream of profanity that just came out as a single enraged sound - Brick grabs the hammer off his back and takes a swing at Jack.]

\o/

[handsomejack]

[Jack's eyes get big... for like a second. And he jumps back. The nice thing about you being so big, Brick? You're so damn slow next to his speed and his ability to misdirect. He flat out laughs]

Aw. You mad? Poor Slab King. Ya know, calling yourself the king of Slabs is like being the best looking guy in an ugly contest.

ANYWAY.

I've done gone pissed you off. Awful sorry about that.

[He disappears- a 'clone' or two spreading about the area] Tell ya what. Next time I'll grab a whole giant sack of puppies and crush them to powder against your thick ass head.

[He draws his weapon, shooting away.]

<3

[the_slab_king]

[Brick descends into unintelligible roars as he sort of bats at the bullets with one hand while the other swings wildly at the various clones until he finds the right one and knocks him in the face. ...Or at least he's gonna try.]

[handsomejack]

[Oh congrats, he feels the hit and it knocks him right on his ass. He disappears pretty fast though- in avoidance of Brick's continued attacks.]

Oh ho ho! Wow. That retard strength did not disappoint!

[He begins to shoot again]

CONSTRUCTORS! Level Brick into nothing but a blood stain on the pavement, will ya??

[And sure enough- several Constructors land to the ground via Moon Base. Have fun, Bricky boy]

YES BORDERLANDS YES BRICK YES YES YES

[phasestrike]

..Brick. I don't think Mordecai is gonna be happy about that. You know he still likes her, as much as he denies it.

[ ...And currently dodging an attacking baby Bloodwing thrown at her. ]

...And I'd be game for trying to see how long Jack can stay alive while you pull his skull out. I bet my best Shotgun it wouldn't be more than a few painful, agonizing seconds.

>:3 Yes, we need more Vault Hunter love! We must find a Roland!

[the_slab_king]

Never said about her personally. But there are enough videos and pictures out there, right?

[Totally innocent question. Of course he follows that up with an evil smirk and his best creeper voice.] Unless you want to contribute~!

Oh, believe me, I can rip a guy's skull out fast enough to beat him to death with it. Remember Nine Toes?

[Insert sadistic smirk.]

yessssss.

[phasestrike]

True, Marcus would be the one to talk to then, I hear he's got all kind of kinky stuff back there.

[ Her answer is to glare and try to light him on fire. ]

Brick, you've killed so many Bandit's how am I supposed to differentiate any of them? [ Thinking back.. ]

..Wasn't he the one with three-balls?

THE SLAB KING HAS SPOKEN! :D

[the_slab_king]

Good to know. He ought to give me a good price too, since those dumb bars don't protect him from me.

[He laughs and just smolders for a bit.]

You would remember him because of his balls. The bandit leader harassing Fyrestone when we first showed up. Ripped his skull out so fast I was able to knock his mask across the room before it dropped.

[phasestrike]

What's that supposed to mean, Brick? Do you want to teleported to the moon? I can do that you know. Just try me.

[the_slab_king]

[Brick just holds up his hands defensively and grins.]

Don't mean anything. Honest. Just yankin' your chain.

[tinytina]

Yo yo yo! Brick! You get 'em to open his mouth wide enough and I'll give 'em a new and improved jawbreaker. The kind that makes a crater out of your head, ya know what I'm sayin sayin?

*really needs to find a smiling icon for Brick*

[the_slab_king]

[And cue a thunderous laugh and a giant hand lifting you up onto his shoulder.]

Damn, Tina, I love the way you think. Kinda sad I missed your tea party. How is Fluffybutt doing?

lol~ good luck on that one!

[tinytina]

Oh Princess Fluffybutt's got quite the news- she's ENGAGED to someone beneath her! SUCH SCANDAL! Sir Reginald was in a bit of a shock.

Don'tcha worry! Whilst there isn't one tea party that can even come close to the BEST TEA PARTAY EVAAAR, we do need to gather to discuss current affairs. I will gladly extend an invitation to King Slab of Crackinskulls.

>:3 Thanks to Maya-mun, I have.

[the_slab_king]

HAH! Damn, girl. You sure know how to throw a party. I'll even tie up some Hyperion goons and bring 'em along for the entertainment.

I'm sure you can think up something fun to do with 'em.

Awww look at that smiling face

[tinytina]

WOOHOO!! Yeeeah gimme some of that yum yum smack down on them Jackie Loons. Mr. Sparks will give them some serious jump better than a car battery to their walnuts.

[burnthewitch]

Hey, it might be a good idea to go easy on that head you're inhabiting for a little bit. At least until they manage to reinforce the walls with something sturdier. It'll probably take them a while to toughen up as much as you're expecting them to. Hell, I don't even know if that's possible.

As for that last part... Yeah, go ahead and do that last part. It sounds nice.

[the_slab_king]

BAH! Trial by fire! If he's worthy of being a slab, he'll develop callouses or something. I'll make a man outta him yet.

[Mun's Note: God have mercy on me.]

Heh, Lilith just bet me I couldn't rip his skull out and show it to him before he died, and Tina's got a new kind of bomb brewin' for his last meal.

GODDAMN I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!

[burnthewitch]

Sounds excruciating. And probably messy. I'll go ahead and just pretend I'm confident that you won't completely annihilate him in the process. Good luck!

The only downside I'm seeing is that Handsome Jack would probably adore the chance to admire himself from new angles. But the upside is that his skull would be outside of his body, so it all evens out for the best in the end!

[the_slab_king]

Oh, I fully intend to keep that fucker alive for as long as possible so he can feel every last goddamn excruciatingly agonizing second before I finally let him die.