dear_mun | (no subject)

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[He's far too quiet for it to be a good sign, and almost appears to be unsteady on his feet, swaying slightly as if he wants to move or act or do something, or simply just crumple up on the stairs of the TARDIS and curl up in a ball.

He's behaving rather calmly, though, for all the pain in his eyes. Rage and sadness and confusion and a decidedly-lost look all roil underneath their surface, and it's obvious that even if his eyes are dry now, they weren't very recently. He's just completely wasted emotionally.]

You...you have all this power. The ability to change our lives and make them into something better. Something that doesn't have all this pain and misfortune and unhappiness. You can do it all without consequence, without creating any sort of paradoxes or irreparable rifts in the fabric of time and space. And yet you insist on allowing the most terrible things to happen without even the slightest bit of resistance.

I think, Mun, that I may actually hate you.

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*Hug.* It'll be alright in the end, don't worry. I'm sure that Heaven of some sort is waiting, or what's life for?

And in any case, you still have me.

To be fair, the mundanes didn't have anything to do with that end.

Just plenty of other bad things.

Yes, but they could change it. Mine has already changed a plethora of things about our timeline. She could do it again, but she refuses to do so. She's letting it happen.

Has she? Like what?

Her and her partner have given me new companions to fill the years between the adventures with the Ponds that they say are not there in 'canon,' George and Miss Evie. I met miss Evie before, during the previous incarnation when I was traveling alone, and we found each other again in Nottingham. We met George when we were visiting another planet that the Angels had inhabited, but Miss Evie was time-lost when the angels reached her when we were seperated. George and I traveled together for a number of years off and on, then, and of course there were the Ponds, until I was able to interpret a clue Miss Evie had left for me that led me back to her in the past.

The Muns also have explained to me how my relationship with River is somewhat different then the one they see me having with her on the tellie. I love her dearly, she's very special to me to be sure, but apperently that Doctor truly does love her, as her husband. I...perhaps I could have loved her that way, of circumstances had been different. I don't know. And a part of me feels somewhat guilty for using the marriage to get her to do what needed to be done. I know she loves me, and it was the only way I could think to get her to stop fighting what needed to happen in Utah...[Yes, he even looks a little uncomfortable admitting to it. He used River's emotions against her. He knew why she did what she did, but he couldn't let it happen, and if manipulating her saved the entire fabric of reality from unraveling, then so be it.]

She has told me that even River's feelings are somewhat different from the other. River's never been jealous of the relationship between Miss Evie and I. She's understanding and supportive of our time together. She knows she can't travel with me herself and is instead happy that I've found someone to go with me and fill the place she wants to be. They get along quite like a pair of sisters, actually. I think maybe River knows that I don't love her the same way she does me.

[Good Job, other-Doctor. If his rambling and the distant look on his face when he talks about Evie are anything to go off of, you've at least managed to take his mind off of the fate of the Ponds.]

Of course, I don't remember a life that didn't correspond with these discrepencies, ao I can't be sure if it's because she has such a deep level of control on my own reality, or if it's just because that is how my dimension is constructed and she's simply channeling it out into her world in this fashion the same way the 'writers' of the tellie serials do for the 'canon' reality.

[And then he seems to come to some surprising realization, and his face falls all over again as he focuses back on the current and looks back at the other-himself.]

Which...would most likely mean that...whatever changes occurred in my timeline were not of her control, and I've been placing the blame on her unjustly...

I've been a bloody fool...

[ He only really reacts to one thing, and that's this Doctor saying he doesn't really love River like that. It brings a bothered frown to his brow, but he doesn't say anything and lets the Doctor ramble until he's reached some end point with it. He knows himself, after all, and often he just needs to get it all out.

And then when this Doctor's done, he smiles a little. Congratulations. ]

We exist in their headspaces. Makes us a bit different from each other, and different from the show. Not necessarily a lot, but a little. One version of our previous incarnation didn't approve of the bowtie, or one of the incarnation before that, but another version of... the tenth, did approve. Things like that.

Doesn't make us any less real or alive, of course. And how could anyone completely control that which is alive?

[Oh, he catches the look, and he was expecting it, honestly. So he shies away just a little and glances away. He would give the same look to someone if they said he didn't love Miss Evie that way. Getting it from a version of himself who does share the television-Doctor's love of River is completely founded. He never did like people challenging his views on the way the world worked...

He can't help but laugh softly, though, at the mention of the variations on their Tenth incarnation.]

Oh, he's in here, too. My version of our tenth. Most of the times he's irritated with me, thinks I'm insufferable. [His smile fades a little once more.] He's giving me my space for the moment, though. After what happened. We get along where it all counts, I suppose. Just not in regards to dancing and fashion.

I don't know if they really can control us. Most of the time, she simply seems to be throwing me at situations and recording my reactions like some giant science experiment instead of just forcing me to do anything. An occassional nudge here and there, but nothing greater.

..Sir? You look...You look terribly sad. What's your mun done to you?

[ Well. He doesn't seem all that angry. It's mostly the manipulating part he has a big issue with. Couldn't have thought of something better? Honestly. ]

Yes, exactly that. Although, mine calls us her "babies", sort of odd, so I wonder what they really do it for. It's a bit fascinating.

Edited 2012-10-01 18:02 (UTC)

[...There isn't much that Eight can say here that would help. He doesn't know Eleven, but he knows who Eleven is, and he has a feeling he knows more or less what's gone down. After all, it's happened so often before...]

It'll get easier. It always does. What was it we said to Victoria, on Telos? Oh, so long ago...

We don't forget them. The memories just...sleep, in our minds, if we want to remember it we have to really want to. It's how we've always gone on, isn't it?

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