On reserves

[crownless_king]

Great. Chucklefuck is going full retard with excitement right now. Where the hell is Robert Downey Jr. to reel this jackass in? Come on, internet. I need a RDJ in blackface on the double! None of this Iron Man crap. Blackface or bust!

And I thought I was excited by that reserve. A zombie slaying, chainsaw wielding cheerleader? What's not to fucking love about that? But you could at least keep it to a level that doesn't require police intervention. So just calm your tits already, would you?

Or don't. I'm a video game character, not a cop.

Comments

[slayedaking]

[Look Travis, it's your favorite kinglayer. Minus one right hand. The useless gold prosthetic is pretty pimpin though.]

Most of those words made very little sense to me, I'll confess.

[crownless_king]

[Dude, you have a gold hand. You know what they say about gold hands, right?]

Okay, uh, lemme see if I can whip you up a "ye olde english" version. Ahem.

Wonderful! This pigfucker is going utterly daft with joy right noweth. Where in the whatever number of infernal planes is the court loon to pull this donkey back ineth. Come forth, magical network of kings, I needeth the loon not in armor, but with a mud facial. Mud facial or busteth!

And I thought myself to be overjoyed! A undead slaying, super cutting power sword wielding maiden of great exuberance and liberal clothing. What is not to fall for? But you, you could keep to a state that would not provoke the city guard to intervene. So just set your heels for a toucheth, would you not?

Or don'teth. I'm a character from a magical play that you can control, not a knight.

...Better?

[slayedaking]

[. . .]

Much. [And a placid smile. Jaime's man enough to recognize and bow to epic trolling. Although he did understand parts of it better the second time.]

What is this 'super cutting power sword' you speak of?

[crownless_king]

Oh, it's awesome. Imagine you have a sword, okay. And that sword has teeth on it. And those teeth move fast as fuck. And all you really gotta do is press it against someone to start the mutilating.

That's a super cutting power sword. Also known as a chainsaw.

[slayedaking]

[His eyebrows go up but he actually looks mildly impressed. That...could be kindof cool.]

I see. [Absently, he balls his intact hand into a fist, trying to distract himself from some phantom pain in the right. Or just imagining swinging a chainsaw. Who knows.] One of these marvels of "technology", I assume?

[crownless_king]

Yup, damn straight. Same kind of technological marvels that could, say, permit you to fire that golden bitch slap gauntlet at people like a missile.

...Err...an arbalest. That's a thing you guys got, right?

[slayedaking]

We don't, as far as I know. Unless it's another name for a cannon, I suppose.