dear_mun | (no subject)

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Things have been a bit lonely, haven't they? Especially without Mother, Bethany, or Carver... Oh, believe me, I'm thankful to be residing within your head space, but it is also lonely without the others as well.

You know, I live for adventure. Giving Aveline and the City Guard a run for their sovereigns. Alright. I feel bad about giving her such a hard time, but this city needs me. Pulling me away from there won't be good for anyone. Sending me some place that actually has a need for me won't be so bad, but you need to get out there and actually start looking instead of waiting for something to fall into your lap. It doesn't happen like that.

The main thing that I wanted to bring up is that I don't want to be alone right now... There, I said it. I hope that you're happy now someone will bring that up and rub it in my face.

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I suspect there are many places that have need of you, Hawke.

[ A pause and an awkward shift of feet. ] I am unsure of the company I could provide, but you have it if you've need of it.

Fenris! ( her body tenses like she wants to move towards him. she stops herself before she makes a move. this is fenris, but it might not be her fenris. there is a pained look in her eyes for a moment before she hides it behind a smile. )

I will never turn your company away. In fact I prefer it over most.

[ The pained look almost goes unnoticed, but he manages to catch the tail end of it. Fenris has always found these sort of places to be a haven for potentially uncomfortable moments, but with Hawke speaking of loneliness... This is the least he could do. The corners of his lips almost twitch into a smile to mirror hers, but not quite. ]

I find myself thankful for that. [ Then he does smile, but he can't help but wonder if she's his Hawke. She both looks and speaks in the same manner, but... ] And so it is yours for as long as you wish it.

( she is a woman who willingly sacrifices her wellbeing to ensure that the matters of those around her are taken care of. it was only a matter of time before it caught up with her and she had to deal with it. hawke never had the opportunity to openly mourn for her family (not did she ever want it).

a gloved hand threads through her hair and she relaxes a great deal at the smile on his face. it is a rare gift that she cherishes greatly. )

Keep saying things like that and I may never want you away from my side. ( be careful, marian, making the wrong assumption in a place like this can lead to trouble. it did the last time. )

[ Fenris has little else other than his company to offer. He remembers when Hawke's mother, Leandra, was found with vivid clarity. And he remembers what had seemed to him at the time as a failure to comfort the woman standing before him once she returned home.

Whatever he can offer is hers without resistance, though caution comes with it in such places. He ducks his head when she relaxes, grateful for the small reprieve from the tension. ]

You may not remember, or it... may not have even occurred with you, but- [ He hesitates, humming low in the back of his throat. Was he always this awkward? When his gaze returns to her, it holds a good deal of uncertainty. He tries again, this time with an attempt at tact: ] I will walk beside you for however long you wish me to.

( there was no failure in his attempt to comfort her. the fact that he tried meant the world to her. of all the people she knew, fenris wasn't the comforting type, yet he still tried. that was something she would never forget, even if it looked like failure in his eyes.

for a moment she swears that her heart stopped beating within her chest. it was enough that her hand comes up to lay over it while she waits for it to recover. this is too much to ask for. the odds of finding him were well against her.

carefully, with some hesitation, she reaches out and lightly runs her fingers against the unarmored part of his upper arm as she steps closer. the smile that grace her features is one that she reserves only for him. nothing is forced about it and it lacks the hard edges her features take when not behind closed doors. ) How could I forget something like that? Though, hearing it again from time to time won't hurt either of us.

[ Ah.

Fenris' eyes move to follow Hawke's fingers as they brush against the skin of his arm before returning to her features. It's only then that her smile uncoils something wound so tight and guarded so diligently in his chest.

He'd been expecting a jest, a slap on the back, or some sarcasm laced comment about how he's gone soft. For her to give him confirmation instead brings a certain softness to his gaze. A softness, like her smile, that was only reserved for her.

Lifting an armored hand, he very carefully touches her cheek, wary of the tempered points. ] I hadn't thought myself fortunate enough to find you again. In this place, especially.

( the moment his fingers brush against her cheek she lets out a breath that she didn't know she was holding. she had a feeling that she was right, but this confirms everything without speculation.

it isn't long before her eyes drift closed and she leans into his touch. her own hand now rests on his arm. )

An understandable fear that I also shared. It seems that, no matter what, we are destined to come across one another.

[ Palm now resting flush against her cheek, Fenris finds himself in the position of wishing he had removed his gauntlet beforehand if only to better feel the warmth of her skin. Finally, for the first time in quite a while, the tension drains from his muscles just a little. ]

A fate I am more than happy to be subject to. [ His voice is quieter now, the need for the guarded tone it once held gone. ]

( a similar thought crosses her mind, but she's happy with what she has. the original scenario of how this would play out wasn't a happy one.

her free hand comes up to brush some of his hair out of his face when she opens her eyes so she can make sure he's really there. )

It seems that things are already starting to look much better.

[ Fenris withdraws his hand after brushing his thumb against her cheek, mindful of the sharp points again. when her fingers meet his hair, he doesn't pull back as he likely would have with most people because Hawke isn't most people. She's never been.

He could remark on how her beauty certainly hasn't faded during their time apart, but at this point that would be more of a disservice than a compliment. Hawke is much more than beautiful. ]

Yes, so it seems. You're likely to find many people wanting of your company here, Marian. [ There's a warmth that comes with saying her name. ]

( the sound of her name coming from his lips causes her to flush ever so slightly. it still amazes her that he's able to make her react in such a way when she's completely unaffected by others. )

Of course, of course. Everyone wants to talk with the Champion of Kirkwall, but none of them compare to you.

The idea of just the two of us isn't so bad.

[ The faint coloring of her cheeks paired with her response draws a low chuckle from him and tugs his lips into a small smile. ]

Indeed it isn't. I would even take the barbarous complaint that I am being selfish with you for the chance, I admit.

There is nothing wrong with being selfish every once in a while and you are completely welcome to be.

[ Another low hum and he considers this. ]

You do not deserve the selfish actions of another, Marian. Perhaps it is you, above all others, who deserves to be selfish.

( she crosses her arms in front of her and narrows her eyes slightly. ) What if I want you to be selfish or that my selfish desire is for you to be.

Your selfish desire is for me to be selfish?

[ Fenris does a somewhat decent job of hiding his amusement. ] I could indulge you in that, I suspect.

Who knows, it might get me in the mood to shrug my title off and be a bit selfish as well.

Very well.

[ And so he'll close the distance between them with a step, rest his hand on the back of her head, and press his lips to hers if she'll allow it. So, maybe it isn't so selfish after all. ]

( there is very little that she would ever deny him and a kiss isn't one of those things. one of her arms wraps around him to pull him against her (at least to the best they can get with all the armor they have on) as she returns the kiss eagerly. )

[ There's something to be said for the feeling of her against him, armor and all. To touch her, to feel her, to almost breathe her in is something he hadn't thought he would be given the opportunity to do again. He coils his other arm around her waist before breaking the kiss with a soft brush of lips and pulling back just enough to study her expression. ]

( being close to him fills a void that she didn't know she had. there is a minor protest when he pulls away, but she allows him to. her eyes are remain closed for a few seconds before she opens them to look up at him. again her cheeks are a bit flushed; maybe being so close to him is a bit more exciting than she lets on.

her eyes scan over his features and a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips. ) My memory of us kissing doesn't give the act any justice.

Plenty of places to find good company, Hawke.

And here I thought you would be tired of all the whining you get from various other sources, so I would spare you mine.

You learn to tune it out after a while. Besides... yours is a whine I seldom hear.

Never been much of a whiner, but I suppose I tend to bottle it up. Who knew the Champion of Kirkwall, ever eager to take on the burdens of others, is unwilling to relinquish her burdens onto the shoulders of her companions.

[A fond chuckle.] Easy for you to say, Varric. You're the dwarf who can command a palatial suite even in the likes of the Hanged Man. For the rest of us, some places are more congenial than others.

I don't think you'll need to worry about being alone. Wherever you go, you'll accumulate followers with alarming speed. Like a snowball rolling down a mountainside, and by the end it's become a bloody avalanche.

[He says it affectionately, of course.]

That is the thing... How many of those new followers that I gain will I be able to trust enough to divulge my deepest darkest secrets secrets to? Why would I need anyone else when I have my merry group of misfits?

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/flail.

It was either him or Anders.

i would have been happy with anders, but i'm glad you picked varric.

that username wins all my love

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