dear_mun | Spoilers for the Avengers Deleted Scenes

[Oh, this is good. You just keep on suffering, Steve, it's what you deserve after all you've done.]

So, this is your reward for the noble sacrifice you made to stop me. You sleep for seventy years and when you wake up the whole world has changed, everyone you ever loved is dead... or not as you remember them. And yet you could have so easily avoided all of this.

I must say this is a fate worse than death, at least for someone like you. And no one is more deserving of it, captain.

[Why isn't Steve surprised that Schmidt had to show up...Too bad his mundane won't let him have any weapons other than his shield.]

I didn't do it for a reward, Schmidt. I did it to protect the world from a madman. [It seems like that's becoming a theme for him.

Yeah, it was hard to accept and part of him would grieve for the rest of his life, but this isn't even close to being the 'fate worse than death' that Schmidt assumes.]

Actually, I've been starting to think of it more as a second chance than a punishment.

[Yeah, too bad about that. Cos he has a gun. But he knows he's not really allowed to use it here, and he'd rather hurt Steve than kill him right away anyway.]

No, of course not. Not you. [You really disgust him, Steve, a lot. It's like everything about you.... you're just... wrong. What the hell was Erskine thinking?] But this is still your reward.

[Sorry, he doesn't believe you.] Is it? Even with what your country, or your city, has become? And Agent Carter, you left her.

Maybe it is. Never did any of it for a reward so it's hard to see either the good or the bad that way.

[What was Erskine thinking? He was trying to avoid creating another monster like Schmidt and the poor souls who had been experimented on in the attempt to create another super soldier.

The comment about Peggy mirrors his own thoughts, but Steve knows better than to react. Let a bully see a reaction and they'd terrorize you for the rest of your life.] Everything changes. It'd be wrong to think that after seventy years things wouldn't change. There's things I don't understand but that doesn't mean that it's wrong.

Dying doesn't count as leaving, Schmidt. We were soldiers. She knew that's how every mission could end.

[Yeah, he'll never accept that explanation for the serum, Steve. Or your other one about not being special. No, there's gotta be more to it than that, damnit.] Yes, but not, I think, for the better.

So she just accepted that you would die? Did she not beg you to find another way? I wonder what you would say to her if you did contact her now.

But, of course, I now know she is still alive, thanks to you. So maybe you will never have your chance to apologize to her. [A threat? Yup.]

[Well, Steve does have a theory about the penicillin they gave him before the procedure...]

She accepted that I did what was needed. What I'd say to her now is something that is between Agent Carter and me.

[The threat doesn't faze him. He knows what type of woman Peggy is and the one in his headspace wouldn't let Schmidt get the better of her and he knows the others probably won't either.]

That's not going to work, Schmidt. You didn't get to her during the war, you won't get her now.

That may be what she told you, but can you ever know what she was really thinking? And now she will watch all your exploits on the evening news because you were too much of a coward to call her.

[He's just gonna scoff at you.] She is only human, humans die easily. And I hardly tried to kill her before. Now that I know what she means to you, however....

She must be your last connection to all everything you lost, yes?

If it took you this long to figure that out, then I'm not going to worry about her. She fought against you before and won, she'll do the same now.

[And he won't worry about the Peggy in his headspace since in all her incarnations she is more durable than Steve.]

There's other connections. Too bad you're one of them. Except your existence does give me another reason to get out in the world again. Reminds me of why I volunteered for the serum.

Did she? You give her far too much credit, captain, and have entirely too much faith in ordinary people. There are a thousand ways that she could die, but for you I think that one of the more painful would be the simple passage of time. You missed the rest of her life because you were sleeping.

[Interesting.] Ah, the serum, this gift you are so undeserving of. Tell me, what exactly did you do that made Dr Erskine think you were worthy compared to all the others who volunteered? [Oh, god, here we go with this again. He just can't let it go.]

[He could tell Schmidt that Peggy was the reason why Erskine escaped, but instead Steve smiles, unwilling to bait him more and maybe have him change his mind about Steve's 'punishment.'

The smile turns to a smirk at Schmidt's question. Steve might be Erskine's 'good man' but he has his weaknesses. Getting a few verbal blows in being one of them.]

Dunno. He saw something in me from the beginning. What convinced the rest of 'em that I should get a chance was jumpin' on a grenade to save my squad.

[Oh, he hasn't decided yet if he's going to try to kill Peggy. It's a very likely possibility.

And when Steve smirks at him, Schmidt returns it with a glare. This is familiar. Hearing Steve talk about how Erskine saw something in him.... Well, that was just a whole other level of rage ~~and jealousy~~.] And is that why he chose you, then? Is that what made you special? Because you would give your life to save others?

[Steve knows that Peggy is still in danger but if he could get Schmidt to focus on him instead...]

Nah. That's why they agreed with his decision. I think Erskine decided on me from the first time he saw me. Never seemed to notice the other volunteers.

[Congrats, Steve, it's working. For now. Gods, he wants to hit you.]

Why? What was it about you? You must have asked him.

[Just the response Steve was hoping for. The smirk returns though he's always been humbled by Erskine choosing him.]

I asked him a couple times. First time he said that they had enough big guys fighting in the war. It was time for them to give the little guy a chance.

[Glaare.] Is that all, captain? I doubt that was the only reason. Erskine's serum was something precious, he would not give it to just anyone, and not for such simple reasons. [Yup, still mad he had to force the doctor to hand it over.]

Some stuff's classified. You can't help that.

SHIELD had to know that eventually she would've found out. She deserves better than this.

I don't actually know what you're talking about.

After they - uh - found me. SHIELD gave me Peggy's personal information. She's - I - [Rubbing the back of his neck, he lets out a sigh.] I could've contacted her. Told her that I wasn't dead but I didn't. Now she's gonna find out when they start showing the news stories about what happened in New York.

Peggy… [okay, most of that still didn't make sense, or at least, it doesn't match up right, but he remembers Agent 13, a little bit, and so he shifts awkwardly]

But better late than never, right?

[Sometimes, Steve forgets that some aspects of his life don't match those of the other Steves.] Uh - Sorry, Buck. I made a promise to Agent Carter that I wasn't able to keep. Well, I could but it's been seventy years. I figured...

[He'd made assumptions that the Peggy in his headspace is very adamant about being incorrect.]

Not sure if she'll believe in better late than never. She's probably going to shoot me again.

Yeah, maybe she will. The girl I had it in for— she got old, married someone else. She was four years dead before I could visit her.

So better late than never.

[This was an attempt at a pep talk.]

That's kinda what I expected with Agent Carter until I found out about this.

I'm sorry, that you couldn't... You should get a chance to be happy with someone you care about.

It's alright. She deserved that, too… and I've got Natasha, now.

Captain, we gave you those files so you could apprise yourself of the situation. That is classified intel and not to be shared lightly with civilians. [Hill reminded him, an edge of sharpness in her voice.] So no matter what your mundane happens to say, you made the right call.

She was there since Project Rebirth and probably was one of the founders of SHIELD. [The edge to her voice doesn't faze him and his frustration isn't aimed at Agent Hill. He still resents the lies that Fury told him and he'd never been one to blindly follow orders.] She doesn't deserve to find out that I'm alive because they've got images of me in my new tights all over the news.

[She was a by the books sort of gal, so the very thought of leaking privileged information had her dander rising.] And you think calling her out of the blue and telling her you're suddenly alive again when she is an old woman is a kindness? [She softened her voice so as to take some of the sting out of her words.] Agent Carter moved on with her life. Right now, I doubt she even realizes it's you so much as just us reinventing Captain America. [The majority of the footage only showed Steve in his cowl, any photos of him unmasked had been quietly covered up by S.H.I.E.L.D.]

Never believed she'd do anything else but that doesn't mean she shouldn't have known the truth from the beginning.

[Peggy had been there with him from his first day in boot camp. She'd seen him at his best and worst. Even in the new costume, she'll recognize him. If not him personally, then the way he used his shield. Or he hopes she will since part of him wants to believe someone still remembers Steve Rogers instead of the guy in the comic books.]

So it's better for her to believe I'm an imposter defacing the memory of a friend than to know that I'm alive.

[Ideas like that are why he's starting to believe Tony's warnings about SHIELD. Despite his manners he can't keep the anger out of his voice.] Good to know that SHIELD believes I'm so easily replaced. Shouldn't be a problem for them then if I disappear for awhile.

[As his mun oddly doesn't mind the decision, he lightly rests a hand on Steve's shoulder and squeezes lightly.] I kinda get why you didn't. Even if finding out that way in her point of view would suck. But it's not like you knew the news would be plastering your face on everything soon after you found out she was still alive.

[He smiles weakly at the hand on his shoulder, then sighs quietly.] I guess it depends on why I did it. If it was because I thought it'd hurt her, then I guess I did the right thing. But if I did it because I was afraid to...

After everything we did, I should've known the reporters would pick up the story. They were always putting me in the newsreels. I should've figured that it'd happen again.

Spoilers for the Avengers Deleted Scenes

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