Yoohoo! Mun! I think we need to talk!

[mad_puddin]

Let's start with the fact that you have no idea what to do with me. No game in mind, no place you want to send me. I'm stuck here in your headspace. Your boring headspace. Cooped up like a jailbird. It's worse than Arkham!

Secondly, you're nervous about my 'voice' being right? Well you should be! You so much as get it one hairsbreadth out of place, I'll open you up, stuff you full of candy and hang you from the ceiling as a piñata! Okay, champ?

Good, I'm glad we had this little pow wow.

Comments

[maskaphobia]

You already did that to an orderly the last time you broke out. Running out of material already?

[mad_puddin]

Now now, Crane. Why don't you come over here and help me work some new bits?

[maskaphobia]

I don't have a very good sense of humor. [actually, if Jervis SOME PEOPLE are to be believed, he doesn't have one at all. whoops.]

[mad_puddin]

Oh you wouldn't have to do much. I'd be doing all the work.

[honkstabhonk]

Now ain't you one charmin' motherfucker.

[mad_puddin]

It's only natural. After all, what kind of deprived, unfortunate soul doesn't like clowns? Especially when we're talking about a quality entertainer like myself.

[honkstabhonk]

I can dig it brother. Seems like you're preachin' the good word somethin' fierce.

[robin_under_the_hood]

I could always get you out of your prison. I'm sure there's a nice headstone out there with your name on it, Joker.

[mad_puddin]

You'll have to excuse me. Have we met?

[robin_under_the_hood]

[Laughs.]

I suppose everyone is capable of forgetting things on occasion, so I'll give you a free pass this time.

But really, you're much safer where you are. Out here there's freaks like me with crowbars and explosives.

[mad_puddin]

Really?

[Chuckles.]

Maybe this place isn't so bad after all.

[robin_under_the_hood]

Not yet at least. I can make your world a living hell. And then I'll really enjoy killing you.

[mad_puddin]

I bet you say that to all the criminally insane.

[robin_under_the_hood]

Yes, but you're a very special case.

[mad_puddin]

You flatterer you. You need to be careful, or Harley might get jealous.

[robin_under_the_hood]

Harley, jealous? I would never have guessed. I'll make sure to send her your corpse once I'm done though.

[mad_puddin]

Seriously though, is there a specific reason you want me dead or do you just like killing in general?

[robin_under_the_hood]

I'm returning the favour, that's all.

[mad_puddin]

Huh. Don't dead people tend to stay dead? Maybe I just didn't do a good enough job.

[robin_under_the_hood]

Sometimes the dead have a little help in coming back.

[mad_puddin]

But where's the fun in that? It makes killing pointless.

[robin_under_the_hood]

How sad for you.

[precocialghul]

Sounds like your mun needs a crowbar. Might help calm that anger problem of yours. Then I can fill you with candy and your mun can whack you till it all falls out.

[mad_puddin]

Well well, what've we got here? A Boy Blunder with some spunk.

Tell you what though, I'll stick to the jokes and you stick to making Bats look good, because as far as comedy goes, you need to work on your punchlines.

[precocialghul]

You got it all wrong. It wasn't a joke. And I'm not just any Robin.

I am the son of Batman.

[mad_puddin]

Oh well then that explains why it wasn't funny.

Come again?

[precocialghul]

You heard me, Clown.

I am the son of Batman. His offspring.

[mad_puddin]

Ew.

In what universe?

[precocialghul]

Why does everyone ask that?

The only one that matters.

[mad_puddin]

Even I find the notion of Batsy producing kids ridiculous.

It almost seems more natural if he were to multiply through mitosis.

[precocialghul]

Then you need to have a more open mind, clown.

[mad_puddin]

Oh you wound me. You should know I'm an equal opportunity killer by now.

[precocialghul]

Oh, I know. And something you should know; I'm not against killing you like all the other Robins.

I also like poetic justice. [Oh look. He pulls that crowbar he talked about from under his cape.]

[mad_puddin]

Oh is that so? I wonder what Batdaddy would say.

[Oh! Oh! He knows this game! He pulls out a pistol in response. See, Damian? he can play too!]

[precocialghul]

What Father doesn't know won't hurt him.

[Crouches down and pulls the crowbar back a bit.]

[mad_puddin]

Well aren't you just adorable.

[Kneels down to Damian's level.]

You kind of remind me of myself at your age.

[precocialghul]

I am nothing like you.

[mad_puddin]

Ready and willing to beat someone to death with a crowbar so casually as well as lie by omission. To your own father. Who is Batman.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner, in the 'Who's Uncle J's favorite Robin' contest.

[precocialghul]

You are not winning yourself any points, Clown.

[He grips the crowbar harder.]

With everyone you've killed, one of them being a Robin, and all your so-called insanity that has nearly destroyed Gotham more times than anyone can count. I don't think anyone would miss you.

[mad_puddin]

I'll admit, I've killed a lot of people in my time, but I don't remember any of them being a Batbrat.

[He chuckles.]

Oh well, maybe he just wasn't memorable enough. I mean, you Boy Blunders all look alike anyway.

[precocialghul]

I doubt he'd be pleased to hear you forgot about him.

And we do not. You just lack the attention span to notice the differences.

[mad_puddin]

Same eyesore of an outfit, same silly mask, same goofy goofy haircuts. What, do you all go to the same barber?

See the thing is, you can tell a joke in all kinds of different ways to make it seem fresh again, but at the end of the day it's still just the same bad old joke, only in a new wrapping.

[precocialghul]

Then you must be the stalest joke in the box.

[inmateincharge]

Ooh, that's a good one! I'd better write it down. [Sure, he hates re-using old material, but technically, he's never used it before. Besides, he's always wanted to see how much candy he could stuff into a human body, even if he didn't realize that until just now.]

[mad_puddin]

[What--what happened to our beautiful face?! Oh he knows who it was. It was Batman, wasn't it? Always Batman! Always.

His mun has played the games, and adores them, but he hasn't shared any knowledge so he's just going to assume it's Batman's fault. Oh well, you still look great, other me, it takes more than some Titan poisoning to undo what mother nature, and a chemical bath, gave us.]

Thank you, thank you. For my next capricious caper I plan to bop off a couple of cops and use their heads to make jack-in-the-boxes, then have the boxes delivered to their families. Oh just imagining the looks on their faces--It'll be great!

[inmateincharge]

[His mun won't spoil the ending, but Joker assumes that the game will come to its logical conclusion - he becomes immortal, beats Batman, and takes over or destroys Gotham, depending on what he feels like doing this week. At any rate, he's not coughing his lungs out, which is a plus, and he's still got his winning smile!]

Brilliant! Maybe send out some other jack-in-the-boxes with acid-laced pies in 'em - that way, they won't know what's gonna show up in the mail! [His mun isn't entirely sure how making pies acidic would work, but the Joker knows that he'd be able to figure it out.]

[mad_puddin]

Oooh, and some pies laced with Joker venom! And some that are completely harmless. That'll really mess with the survivors!