on being apped to ataraxion.

[completing]

I can't stop thinking about what Ms. Lucy told us. About how none of us would ever leave the country, or visit America, or...just about anything else. This isn't much of the same thing, not really. But it feels like more time, doesn't it? I'm not sure if that makes me a bad donor, wishing for more.

( he kind of laughs. it's a little awkward, a little dry. just something to break the silence, the line of his thoughts. )

I'd appreciate it more if Kath were on board as well. If I'm allowed to ask for something else.

Comments

[wont]

[ A fellow traveler. Oh, hello. ]

Is Kath a friend? Or perhaps of your relations?

[completing]

We grew up together. At Hailsham school. She's a carer now, though.

( but he remembers that there are people from the outside world on this ship, too. people who weren't donors at all, or the endless litany of doctors and nurses at the recovery centres. tommy wonders if she's one of them. )

[wont]

[ Alayne does not know what a carer is, or what a donor is either. Such concepts don't exist in her world but the words are familiar and she can guess. A carer is someone who cares for something. A donor is someone who gives something — but in exchange for what?

She smiles. ]

A friend, then. Unexpected travel is always made better by familiar company, I find.

[completing]

( in exchange for nothing. or perhaps, for the knowledge that their lives, and their deaths mean something, for whatever that is worth in the grand scheme of things. )

Unexpected travel. Are you...from the ship? From the outside?

( it sounds hollow to him, and tommy wonders - he's never had to ask someone that before. over the years he got proficient at telling the donors from ordinary people. it was all in the way that other people looked at them. here, however, those rules have all changed. everything he knows has changed. )

[wont]

[ From the outside, the young man says and Alayne's first thought is to ask him, outside of where. There are many different things such a harmless word could mean: the outside of a city, the outside of a kingdom, or perhaps something more profound (poetic even). The outside of a cage, of one's own heart — but no, Alayne had never been any of those things before father found her. Perhaps she has never been those things at all. ]

I have been taken by the ship, yes. But I am not from it, the way a person is of the land from which they are born. None of its passengers are. We are from worlds scattered across the stars— across time, if the stories are to be believed.

[deferrals]

[ she can't figure out what to say at first, she truly can't. it's almost like being confronted about the deferrals, ages ago in that small diner. she's a bit dumbstruck, a bit... confused. it's not possible, is it? a way out. a chance for more time. no more donations, no more completion centres. her breath is caught in her chest, she notices, and so she releases in a sigh. a quick, worried sigh. ]

I'm not so sure it's that simple, Tommy. For one thing- [ can she really bring herself to discourage him right now? ] -for one thing, I'm certain I wouldn't fit in your luggage. And I don't think I would fancy being a stowaway.

[completing]

( no more donations. it seems like such a monumental thing, an impossible thing. their entire lives have revolved around those few operation dates. around the idea of giving up a part of themselves for the greater good. they're taught that it's selfish to want otherwise.

tommy's been disillusioned before. but once he grasps on to some new hope, he can't let it go. it seems he'll never learn. )

You wouldn't have to be a stowaway. I'd give you my seat.

[deferrals]

[ oh, mhm, that makes her smile. she's even going to look down at her feet for a moment, because she can't- she shouldn't entertain the idea, shouldn't get his hopes up ( and her own ) if it's not a possibility. but in her mind, her first reaction is to always say what might make Tommy smile, even if that's not always what she ends up saying at all. she has to be practical, right? ]

But I wouldn't let you do that. I wouldn't want you to get into any trouble, that's all. I might be a short while, but I will find you again, you know. What sort of carer would I be if I let you out of my sight for very long? [ was that a joke? totally was. and her smile brightens up a bit just to prove it. ]

[ambitious]

I don't know what kind of donor you are, but I don't think wanting to travel makes you a bad anything.