ACTUALLY DOING IT

[merchantofdeath]

Are you serious? What happened to not caring about being in games? Why do you suddenly want to be in one? Much less, why do you want to put me in one? You barely acknowledge me half the time, and suddenly—

You're a cow. No, no, you're two cows, that's how big a cow you are.

[nick are you saying i have big tits]

Bitch. Why are you so obsessed with me?

Comments

[viced]

Whoa, you're really not looking forward to this, are you?

[merchantofdeath]

Certainly not. And given our previous discussion about—imports or exports?—the entire thing, can you really blame me, Mayor?

[viced]

Imports and natives, actually. It can be bad, but shit, it's still not that bad.

[merchantofdeath]

You're the guy in charge, aren't you? No offense intended, Mayor, but are you saying that as a man to another man or as part of some campaign for more imports? I won't be offended.

[viced]

I'm the Mayor of the City. It's one city in an entire world, I talk to people no matter who they are just the same. Despite how much trouble that gets me in occasionally.

[merchantofdeath]

That must make for an unfulfilled private life, talking to everyone exactly the same.

mr naylor you have no idea

[viced]

We can have different conversations, but I'm not going to fucking censor myself from one person to the next.

are you saying he has lots of sex sir

[merchantofdeath]

[hahaha yes, good]

Gets tiring, doesn't it? Is the press in the City?

[Wait.]

What am I saying? The press is everything. It's what they do. They're the press.

lmao just the opposite madam

[viced]

Exactly! There's no way to escape the fucking press! I swear it's like they have a sixth sense.

is that why he wants nick, because he can give him advice on getting laid?

[merchantofdeath]

The worst are the ones who touch you. They never really do it that badly, that I've felt, but being touched by people shoving microphones in your face kind of raises my hackles. And unless they grope you or something? Touching them back gets you shit. You really can't win with them! They're like limpets, I swear.

hah hahaha oh god no

[viced]

What, they touch you? Public figures don't have to worry about that. There's a certain line that doesn't get crossed.

i'm sure there are ED pills in 1998 don't make me research that please god no

[merchantofdeath]

Every now and then, yeah. Not in the good way, either, like putting their hands on your shoulders like their your best friends. Just because I shell bullshit doesn't mean I have to take it.

[viced]

They must really like you if they think you'll put up with that.

[merchantofdeath]

Probably more to do with trying to get me to flip out and hit someone. They've done to Bobby Jay pretty often—the lobbyist for firearm safety and control. He's had all sorts of things thrown at him in the aftermath of one guy going crazy and shooting up a mall or something like it.

But he was shot by an actual bullet in the war, so he's pretty good with being hit.

[viced]

Whoa, whoa. Bunch of jackals, aren't they? Fuckers know just how strike.

[merchantofdeath]

Yeah. And there was an incident with a reporter's article on me in the paper that had pretty much everyone in my life wanting to shoot me, too.

It's hard out there for a public figure, even when you're just doing it for the mortgage.

[viced]

Shit, when the press is involved, it's always dicey. You know how those articles can go, too.

[merchantofdeath]

Note to you, sir: having sex with a reporter, even with "world-class tits"? Inadvisable.

[viced]

No shit, really? I could've told you that one.

[merchantofdeath]

That's what I said. Repeatedly. In my head.

And then she called me the a yuppy Mephistopheles and mass murderer before saying she wanted to see where the devil slept, and I kind of quit thinking with my logical mind.

[viced]

Wow. That's what made you stop thinking with your brain?

Insults?

[merchantofdeath]

I hadn't heard the yuppy Mephistopheles before, I was kind of taken aback.

Maybe it had something to do with how hot she was, too. That probably factored in there. No, it most definitely did. Yeah, that was pretty much—I was stupid.

[viced]

No shit, really? It sounds like a pretty face could be your downfall, if you're not careful.

[merchantofdeath]

Figured that one out too late, but yeah. Won't happen again, you better believe that much.

[viced]

Hey, at least you learned something from it, right?