there's an iron man 2 novelization and....

[therealgenius]

The Ex-Wife worked?

No, no, of course it worked. I made it myself, it's perfect. So that—really? Well, it's Wikipedia, take it with a grain of salt—and TV Tropes?

That's it, you need to find it. Get it. Read it. You can do that, can't you? Totally go against the grain and be like, no, no, Justin is from the book. That's a thing, right? Because any place where the Ex-Wife took out Vanko—

[but justin what if you're a bigger dick

what if there's strange revealing stories about you]

...well, you know—you should just read it anyway.

[why not just read the comics? where you're bald and have a billion kids or something]

No.

Comments

[irondick]

Yes.

Show me where you're bald. And have a million kids.

[liverletdie]

It's like you're desperate to confirm that something you made works! Imagine that.

[bloodbrothers]

Does it make a difference if the middle differs when in the end you still lose?

[therealgenius]

[ERMAGODCANYOUJUSTNOTBEEVERYWHEREJESUSFUCK]

Never.

1/2

[therealgenius]

Does it make a difference whether or not he's your biological father when in the end he still raised, fed, and clothed—

[therealgenius]

[oh.

oh no.]

Yes?

[mechatronic]

So, what, you're gonna go against the grain of yourself in a bid to be a better you? Pretty sure you can get similar results if you picked up something from the self-help aisle.

[therealgenius]

[HIS MUN HAS SEEN LIKE...THREE PANELS AND THE MAIN ONE IS:]

Are you going to ask one of my security guys whether or not they not what a clavicle is, then break it? Because that's, eeehhh, that's not cool. That's like fire in the way of "not cool" that is. About as not cool as that porn stache, what were you thinking?

[therealgenius]

Oh, why don't you say that last sentence in the mirror, to yourself, and actually understand that it applies to you too, there, man.

[bloodbrothers]

How fortunate you are that I still have a modicum of tolerance and won't still your wretched tongue in public.

[ In public being the keywords there. ]

[liverletdie]

You know, sometimes people do things in the name of fashion that may be regrettable later, like that tie. It's a bit unfortunate, if you ask me, but you don't have the "it was the 80s excuse".

[irondick]

[ NO. I AM EVERYWHERE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. ]

I can google, Justin.

[therealgenius]

[PLEASE

DIE

IN A FIRE STARTED BY BOURBON OR SOMETHING]

Then why don't you fucking Google it?

[irondick]

Because it's more fun to ask you.

[ ...texting. hahahaha ]

[therealgenius]

[Internal shriveling can he just

can he not go home?]

Yeah, I uh—can we start that over? Clean slate. Yes, it matters. It does. To me, that is, it matters to me.

[Not like anything but what you think matters, but hey! He's being honest.]

[therealgenius]

No, I have the "get these things from Donatello Versace herself" excuse which is, really a good one to have.

[WHAT THEY EXIST IN THE REAL WORLD IT MAKES SENSE RIGHT besides have you checked Versace's latest line? Some of that shit is fug, man. Don't say that to Justin, though, they're besties I don't? It just happened]

Nice to know that no matter what era it is, Iron Man is such a man of the people that busting chops to guys who haven't done anything? That's the way to treat other people. Good job.

[therealgenius]

[ugh he needs coldplay stat]

Oh my God, I can't—why are you here? Why aren't you fucking Bruce or something?

[mechatronic]

Real cute that you're concerned and all, but I'm already in a support group. Kinda. Sorta. Not exactly. Yeah, okay, not at all really, but hey, if it works, right? I'm actually making progress by some standard. Not by most people's standards, sure, but different situations, different standards, right?

[That's a very long way of saying 'nope'... Anyway, moving swiftly on.]

So, there's a version of things where you actually blow up Vanko, huh? Man, I had no idea you were so invested in keeping my ass alive. Learn something new everyday, huh.

[therealgenius]

[Justin Hammer really hopes that, one day, while Tony is being such a bully, Steve happens by it and he gets to see him brained by a shield. That's not very Steve-like, though, but it's very "stuck in prison for two years because Tony Stark"-like. He thinks, at least.]

I never—haven't we gone—why would I want you dead?

[liverletdie]

No offense, but namedropping doesn't make it better, you know that, right? [ A beat, and he just lifts his eyebrows. ]

I'm such a man of the people that I'm running their security directorate, so you know. Oh, and I'm not dead, so there's that.

[mechatronic]

[Justin should get cozy with an Ultimates!Steve if he wants that to happen--I hear he's an asshole.

And he's just going to raise an eyebrow at you here, Justin. What does it say that he could reel off a whole list of reasons why most people would want him dead before even getting to the Justin Hammer specific section.

Aaaaaand he clears his throat. Apparently it's swiftly shifting topics day! Lucky you.]

So are you and your other selves in contact? Like, have you exchanged tips on how to remember the names and birthdays of those billion kids? There a song or something?

[therealgenius]

Namedrop—

[That doesn't make sense to him, other!Tony. They are namedrops. They're like walking namedrops. He doesn't think of it like that, he thinks of it more like Diane Sawyer would when she's talking about Katie Couric. Except he doesn't want Donatello to be his Katie Couric.]

That's—why are you reiterating that you're not dead? I don't want you dead, why do all of you think I do?

[irondick]

[ why not linkin park, emo kid. ]

Why? Because tonight's Pepper's night, clearly.

[bloodbrothers]

[ He offers a gracious smile which is clue enough that no he's not going to forget this and no it won't be pleasant. ]

And you would risk your entire being on a single success? [ You might not be the same person, or close, who knows? ]

[therealgenius]

[Out of everything he could have ha-ha-ha'd at, he had to pick out the parenting thing. Did he realize how easy that made it for Justin to talk about Howard? He wasn't sure. He realized, however, that it was easy to segue into Howard and that he shouldn't do that, but God. He wants to. He really does.]

I've never seen another me in, ah...any form, actually. And I don't sing, so I certainly hope not.