dear_mun | (no subject)

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You and I need to renegotiate the terms of our agreement.

This whole getting me killed thing? Unacceptable. It's not the dying. That I can handle, believe it or not. I'm kinda a pro with that. It's the method I'm taking issue with here.

Saving a city from the monster apocalypse? Sure, no problem. Doing something reckless? Yeah, okay, I can deal. Getting murdered by some nutjob who's in love with his house? That's insulting.

That's more than insulting. That's like, grounds for termination. Can I fire you? Never mind, I don't care.

You're fired.

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Hey, man, don't knock people's houses. Lots of love can go into those things. Definitely lots of backbreaking, sweat-soaked, curse-laden time, if nothing else.

Death is the great equalizer. The method matters not.

[ You just stay the fuck over there, Jack. ]

It's not the house I'm knocking.

The method matters a lot. Trust me here. You want to be the stupid bastard who got up for a glass of water, tripped on the stairs, and broke his neck? I don't think so.

That says a lot about you. You're willing to terminate your own mundane over a matter of pride. Interesting, but also cliche.

[Now, now, don't be so judgmental, Kirk.]

You're knocking the house for having the love of the nutjob or you're knocking the nutjob for being in love with the house?

I'm willing to do a lot of things. That's cliched too. Which seems to surprise you, so you obviously have no idea who I am. And that's interesting to me.

Which is it? Alien? Alternate universe? Some kind of hermit lifestyle that eschews TV? Where'd you come from?

[ He's not falling for this trick, Jack. He bought it once. That whole "Hi, I'm your friendly neighborhood substitute bartender" routine. He's not buying it again. ]

The nutjob. I'm definitely knocking the nutjob.

You assume that your world is the only default one out there. I'm from a place where hope and despair walk hand in hand like the most bitter of friends.

Though if you require my most recent location, I suppose Gotham City would serve the purpose.

[Man, what is your deal.]

Maybe you ought not hang around nutjobs, then.

[Hypocrite? He went to the loony bin to get out of hard labor at the work farm. Oh well.]

Well, it's default for me. I'm sure yours is default for you. And from your description, I think I might have even had a brief vacation there. Sandy, kind of hot, conspicuously lacking the ocean?

What's it like? Gotham City. Better or worse than hell?

Yeah, see, I try to do that and it doesn't work.

[ Still not falling for this. But look, Tony can play nice too. ]

So what's your deal, anyway?

Of course, though the sand was above ground.

Gotham City? Is an inbalance of criminal scum and hatred.

Cave, huh? Welcome to the club.

Sounds like DC. Granted, I never lived there, but I visit sometimes. When I'm feeling masochistic. You got a name?

[...the fuck?]

What do you mean, my deal?

Your deal. You know, your story? Who are you?

[ Why did you go psycho on him and murder him? ]

[This guy is forward.

Hey, don't mind him smoking, right? Because he doesn't. Mind if you mind, that is, because he's totally lighting up. Did Jack smell like smoke to you, sir?]

Usually save the life story for at least the third date, ain't that how it goes?

[ Tony can't really remember. Everything was starting to smell a little too coppery there at the end. ]

Trust me when I tell you that we're not, and never will be, dating. Ever. I don't need the whole story anyway. Cliff Notes will do.

[He narrows his eyes, but he's dealt with loudmouths before. He is a loudmouth. He fights and fucks too much and goes to the penitentiary on a regular basis.]

Goddamn, you've got a chip on your shoulder, huh? Ain't even exchanged names and you're demanding my story. What the fuck am I, a walking book?

Tony Stark.

[ He smiles a thin-lipped I'm not buying your bullshit smile. ]

And you are?

RP McMurphy, Tony. Randal Patrick, but never a Randy or a Pat, always just Randal or RP. Your not all that good with this being played stuff, are ya?

Not necessarilly. And now is my turn to ask the questions.

Your name?

Tell you what, you don't ever call me Anthony and I won't ever call you Randy. Deal?

And for your information, no. I don't think anyone appreciates being played.

Sure. Fair's fair.

Tony Stark.

Not a name that I know. So your guess of different "worlds" is a correct one.

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