(no subject)

[mayonaise]

Lettuce think about this for a second:

I realize you're hesitant about garnishing this city with my presence and you mayo may not have faith in my abilities, but let me assure you: I relish in the thought of showing this city wasabi.   I can't wait to grill them with my witty quips.

It's not as if you have anything to ketchup on. They toasted me long ago!

Cooking up an application shouldn't be too difficult.

Am I buttering you up yet?

Comments

[futurebatwoman]

... I will pay you money to talk to Mr. Nygma.

[mayonaise]

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: my wit is far more palatable. I'll make sure to roast him properly.

[futurebatwoman]

That is beautiful. Seriously.

You should definitely come.

[mayonaise]

You think this is beautiful? It's just icing on the cake. I have a whole pantry of witty retorts.

I'll fire up the grill and see what I can do.

[futurebatwoman]

I will definitely be looking forward to it.

... You're not planning on committing crimes in the City, are you?

[mayonaise]

Maybe. But don't worry, I'm a tasteful villain.

[futurebatwoman]

Do you have to? We could skip the crimes and you could just pun at Nygma for a while.

[mayonaise]

I'll just commit enough crimes to add a bit of flavor to the city.

And possibly score some dough along the way.

From my insane Dick Grayson is Harry Potter AU.

[dickandharry]

...just...just stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

[mayonaise]

I'm having trouble whipping up a saucy response. Maybe I should can it and move on with my life.

[dickandharry]

Yeah, I'm not actually that gullible.

[mayonaise]

Aren't you a Krafty kid.

[power_girl]

Days like this one make me glad I'm not from Gotham City.

Honestly.

[mayonaise]

What can I say? Some people find me offpudding.

[power_girl]

I find you stale, personally.

[mayonaise]

Don't spoil my fun now. I'm on a roll.

[power_girl]

Dinner roll? Kaiser roll? Cinnamon roll?

[What? It had to be asked.]

[mayonaise]

Pretzel. I do have exquisite tastes.

[power_girl]

Then wouldn't you call yourself, oh, I don't know, the Culinary King? Because the word condiment kind of makes me think of a hot dog stand.

[mayonaise]

. . .

[ she has a point... ]

Is it a crime to spice up my dialogue?

[power_girl]

[Of course she does. She's Power Girl. She always has a point or two.]

I don't particularly relish your doing so.

[mayonaise]

Must I tard away from vaster horizons?

[power_girl]

Um.

...

Yes?

[bodilesswarrior]

Hey, I prefer this guy to the competent ones.

[mayonaise]

What a rancid attitude.

[bodilesswarrior]

I guess you just bring out the sauciness in me.

[mayonaise]

Is it hot in here? I could have sworn it was chili earlier.

[power_girl]

...

I'll give you that. I'd take him over Gorilla Grodd any day.

[viced]

Oh my fucking god. Why do you exist?

[mayonaise]

Because I'm a truly creative and oregno villain.

[viced]

The only real villainy you're doing is slaughtering the English fucking language.

[mayonaise]

Would you prefer that I add some bite to my words?

[viced]

Christ, no!

[mayonaise]

I feel as if you think my retorts are tasteless.

[viced]

No shit! They're terrible!

[mayonaise]

And here I thought I was well stocked. Enough to woo you with my salt-ry responses.

[viced]

Oh no, you're punning at the wrong government official right now.

[inmateincharge]

Saucy fellow, ain't ya? I must say, a good pun really spices things up, and your vocabulary is peppered with oh so many of 'em!

[mayonaise]

This is just an appetizer. They have yet to relish in my full potential.

[fasterthansound]

Dear lord, how did even Batman put up with you?

[mayonaise]

What can I say? I spiced up his life.

[fasterthansound]

You'd relish the day when you get the better of the bat, wouldn't you?

oh my gosh ilu

[bodilesswarrior]

Really?

[mayonaise]

I haven't even started yet. I'm just glazing the surface.

yessssss good

[exceptfebruary]

You plan on coming to the City?

[eyeofthetigress]

Ho-ly shit.

Please tell me this is a joke.

[professorlionface]

It's still New York, even if by another name. I can promise you there's no shortage of wasabi.