needs more mjolnir

[liftme]

[Oh, look. It's just a hammer, right? Just a big, metal, shiny, beautiful hammer.

But he's all alone! He doesn't like being alone.

His mun picked him up. Thor picks him up.

Wait, mun. How did you manage to pick him up?]

Comments

[bestassistant]

[ You are the strangest looking paperweight he has ever seen in the work room. Not to mention in the wrong spot and kinda dirty.

Have a good natured idiot robot slowly trying to bump Mjolnir to the edge of the workbench. ]

[imswinginghere]

[Along came a spider...]

You're... a really big hammer.

[Peter tentatively reaches out and... pokes the handle of Mjolnir with a fingertip.

Brave, he is not. Stupid, he is not. Yet.]

[liftme]

[Hold on, weighing the worth of the robot and if he should oblige. . .|

You, robosir, are unworthy to lift him, but scoot him along? Okay! He can do this! Let's scoot around, metal guy!]

[liftme]

[No frightening Mjolnir away, Mister Spider-Man!

Yes, he is a very big (and handsome, Thor takes good care of him) hammer. Poking is not cool, though, so he doesn't budge. He'll weigh your worthiness if you touch him properly, Pete!]

[sixthanimorph]

[Well, now. What do we have here?]

Man, what is it with people throwing away cool junk in this construction site?

[Whatever, you'll probably make him good money on eBay.

So he'll just be trying to pick you up now. One-handed, even.]

[imswinginghere]

[Peter squats in closer, squinting at Mjolnir. The only thing he can imagine using this big of a hammer for is hitting a group of equally-sized nails. There's a leather--or what he assumes is leather--hand strap on the end. He touches that, first. The leather is almost warm. Hot, even.

The outer ring of the block of the hammer has swirly designs on it that reminds him of the Celtic rocks broken apart in the Met.

Wasn't there a Norse god who used a hammer? Soar? Moar? Hoar? No, definitely not Hoar...

He continues to look at the handle. After about two minutes of intense scrutinizing, he--with very, very light fingers--wraps his hand around the handle. Not moving, for now.]

[bestassistant]

[ Pff. He is super worthy okay. First of all. He has an arm. Secondly he only does good things. Third, he's probably too dumb to be a bad guy anyway. But whatever. Nudging works. To the edge of the desk where the papers are where the paperweight belongs.

Yes. Good. Tony wull be so happy. 8) ]

[fuhgottaboutit]

[Oh, man, a hammer! And it feels like it's just begging to be picked up. It's like the urge Osaka gets when she sees a fire alarm, or stands at the top of a tall building, but without all the consequences.

Gonna try and pick up that hammer! Spoiler she probably couldn't even lift it if it was made of plywood]

[liftme]

[Oh no, Dum-E! You didn't think this through! All the papers just fell to the floor!

He is a very heavy paper weight, buddy. What do?]

[liftme]

[WEIGHING OF THE WORTH ENGAGED!

Peter is not Thor, of course, but he's not a bad guy. In fact, he's very good! Kind of young and smelly, but good. Odin would like this guy. He also detects something fishy, like a hidden power, but he doesn't look like a spider. Spiders! Spiders aren't bad or good. They're animals who do what they have to in order to survive. Thor likes that woman who takes after a spider, but she takes after a vicious spider. This spider-tasting guy isn't vicious, Mjolnir can tell. He knows these things!

Hot? Yes, he's a little hot. He just wants to be picked up, can't blame him for being excited, right? Go on, spider guy! See if you can lift him!]

[bestassistant]

[ Nooooo.... He's just going to wheel around picking up the papers, occasionally looking at the paperweight because it's totally his fault okay. D:

Papers back on the desk, he tries to nudge the hammer up onto papers but it doesn't seem to be working.

Why paperweight whyyyyyy. ]

[liftme]

[Ew!

This fellow tastes yucky. Manipulative, maybe even greedy. Young, definitely, but almost murderous. Not quite Loki yucky, but pretty yucky in the scheme of things.

Sorry, gross boy, he is not going anywhere with you. There's no budging or anything, just a hammer in the same position as it was before it was touched.]

[liftme]

[A young girl! With very, very big eyes. Hello, young lady!

Oh no, definitely not worthy. Not even strong enough to pick him up if she was worthy. Not yucky, not gross, but not worthy. Please don't turn on the fourth wall fire alarm, little girl, Mjolnir doesn't like making grand escapes if he doesn't have to.

Not that catching on fire would bother him, but Thor put these leather straps on him, do not want them burned!]

[imswinginghere]

[No, Mjolnir, this spider guy isn't vicious. In fact, he could probably stand to be a little more vicious, depending on the situation.

The temptation is too much, no matter how wary Peter is. He wraps his fingers tighter around the handle and pulls.]

1/2

[olympic_lion]

[Mjolnir? And just what do you think you're doing here, you're supposed to be hanging around with some well-shampooed Asgardian!

[liftme]

[He senses the robot guy's despondency. He didn't want to make you sad, little robot! He definitely doesn't want to make more work for Mister Metal Sadface, so he simply rolls over. On his own! Rolls right over and puts those papers in their place. Don't worry, guy! Mjolnir is literally on top of this!]

[sixthanimorph]

[... Okay, that didn't quite go as planned. Let's see if he can do it two-handed.]

[And two-handed isn't working out so well. Geez, what is this thing made out of, anyway?]

[Still, David's not one for giving up, so after one and two handed didn't work, he's going to try lifting you from the hammer end. Maybe he's not the most upright sort of guys, but he has to get points for persistence. Right?]

[liftme]

[Oh no, he's pulling. A mortal pulling on him is nothing new, but this one smells like spiders and BO, not like beer and...BO. Or cigarettes and dust and rusty trucks.

He'll give him a chance! If he pulls out a beer can, though, he is going right back to the ground again. So if he lifts right up in Peter's grip, very very warm and very very light, almost like the hammer is made of fluff, not metal.

Okay, Peter! What are we going to do, Spider Buddy?]

[bestassistant]

[ 8D A paperweight that moves itself! Dum-E decides this must be why it's in Tony's office. A self aware weight. Dummy seems pleased as he whirs a little.

Here, have some paperclips, free of charge. ]

[liftme]

[Oh no! The handle wasn't enough, now he's touching him all over!

The yucky young lad can try to lift him all he wants, Mjolnir is going absolutely nowhere with him. Not five feet away and certainly not to the Bay of E, thank you very much. He's just going to stay a warm, heavy paperweight. Pull all you like, he's going nowhere.]

[fuhgottaboutit]

Hnnngh... [After about three seconds she stops to catch her breath.] Wow, you're heavy.

....

[TRYING AGAIN. MAYBE IF SHE JUST PULLS HARDER.]

[bloodbrothers]

[ Oh fuck you. 8( ]

[liftme]

[Oh my gosh! Little metal things! Metal! Mjolnir likes metal. The robot is made of metal. This whole place is filled with metal! Everything is metal and nothing hurts, Mjolnir has found the place he belongs!

...when Thor doesn't need him, of course. Thank you so much, Dummy!]

[liftme]

[What is that yucky smell?

Oh no. It's Loki. Yucky grody icky Loki. Please don't touch him, Mister Mischief. If Mjolnir had a tummy, you would make it flip and turn and hurt. Mjolnir doesn't like hurting, even if Thor gets out of control sometimes :(

Please don't gross him up!]

[imswinginghere]

[Peter is an avid follower of laws, Mjolnir (usually--okay, sometimes) and in this century, beer won't enter the picture for a couple of years yet. Hopefully.

But he definitely wasn't expecting this hammer to be light.]

Whoa!

[He almost drops you, Hammer Buddy! It's not his fault, the kid is just a magnet for clumsy sometimes, and he was expecting to be crushed to the ground by gravity right about now. He manages to keep his grip, though, after a minute of haphazard fumbling.]

What... are you?

[Well... if you're as light as fluff... maybe you'll go up just as easily? It's worth a try. Peter tries the most tentative of swings into the air.]