Can't Tag Anyone With Black Mage Ever

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Look, if these suckers didn't want me to talk about their dead girlfriends or pathetic hero worship they wouldn't be posting!

Just let me loose, you'll have fun, I'll have fun, and we can all laugh while someone cries.

What? Me? I don't cry.

...

Comments

omg i love you

[wealldosillythings]

That can't be true, everyone cries at some point..

[soangryicouldtinkle]

WHO TOLD YOU!?

...

I mean, uh, bullshit.

Anyways, let's leave the crying for the foreplay. Got any plans for dinner tonight?

[wealldosillythings]

[Molly jumps back slightly, her eyebrows raised.] Um, n-no one? I'm just making a statement...

[She blinks] Beg pardon? Um, nothing besides the usual - eating at home.

[soangryicouldtinkle]

How about me, you, some dinner and some discount wine that is probably not poison?

We have fun, you get drunk, then I put it in your butt.

[wealldosillythings]

[Well, you might've had her up til that last part.]

E-Excuse me?! No! Pervert!

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Come on, don't knock it till you try it.

Have you ever let me put it in your butt before?

[Says the smelling little man in a clown like costume.]

[wealldosillythings]

Obviously not, b-but that's no reason for me to try it with some, some stranger!

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Fine.

Hi, I'm Black Mage Evilwizardington.

I like long walks on beaches covered with the corpses of rotting whales and enjoy cross stitching eldritch symbols of atrocious, dark rites into the flesh of disabled children.

Now can I put it in?

I felt obligated to port this journal over to DW just for you.

[swordaholic]

Awww, Black Mage, it's okay if you want to cry!

pfff!

[soangryicouldtinkle]

[Nope.]

No.

[Nope.]

NO.

NO.

NO!

You're welcome, BM :'|

[swordaholic]

I promise I won't tell anybody!!

BM IS NOT PLEASED. I am loling.

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Shut up! Shut up!

Look, I am going to hate myself for asking this...

...but why are you here? This was my happy place.

Mission accomplished, then!

[swordaholic]

Dunno. Probably Light Warrior business. That's why you're here too, right?

YES

[soangryicouldtinkle]

NO!

I'm done! I'm out! I'm going to enjoy my vacation!

What did I do to deserve you? What unwholesome god did I leave standing to curse me this way?

[swordaholic]

I can't remember. The unwholesome ones had names that were a lot harder to pronounce than the regular ones...

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Yeah, you know, the one's if you say their names right you unmake yourself.

Please, please try to remember any of them. Just one. Name it.

1/idek

[swordaholic]

Anything for you, buddy! Let's see, it kind of sounded like... Uh...

2/fighter

[swordaholic]

Ummmmm.

[We're going to be here a while.]

3/fighter

[swordaholic]

Cl... Vth?? Yeah, that sounds good. Okay. Good start. And for the next 15 syllables...

4/fighter

[swordaholic]

Uhh... OH! I've got it!

[swordaholic]

...No wait, that's a kind of cheese. Maybe it was more like...

[Seriously, you might want to get a magazine or something.]

[swordaholic]

...W, of course! It was W all along!! And since today is a Monday...

7/7 okay done.

[swordaholic]

What were we talking about again?

hahahahahahaha, okay 1/something

[soangryicouldtinkle]

It's not that hard! DO AN EASY ONE!

Like Hastur! See, just say it three times, like this.

Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!

2/this is going to hurt

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Oh...

Oh no.

3/two more left after this

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Oh, okay, maybe it's sleeping and...

4/5

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Oh. No. No. No. No. No.

5/6 I lied

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

6/6

[soangryicouldtinkle]

[1 year later.]

...I'm back...

...What...

...What did you learn?...

The best-laid plans of mouse and mage often go awry. And by go awry I mean become eldritch horrors.

[swordaholic]

Oh, hi Black Mage!! Where have you been?

http://rlv.zcache.com/elder_gods_bumper_sticker-p128545118762602696en7pq_210.jpg

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Someplace where light is tangible and painful as it's tendrils violate every wrinkle and fold of your brain.

[swordaholic]

Oh okay. Cool. Did you have a good time?

[soangryicouldtinkle]

Good... time?

I experienced trauma that no mortal life will ever know exists, and I suffered it for five eternities while only a year passed here.

[swordaholic]

That's too bad! But don't worry, pal. I'm sure our vacation will be a lot more fun! [Reassuring(?) pat on the back.]