NO LONGER ALONE PETE

[butwhytho]

Oh, you're going to take me seriously now. You're going to actually take me into real consideration. It just took Harry. It just took seeing my dead best friend who literally hated me until the moment the only girl who ever meant anything to the both of us was stuck in a taxi cab in a web for you to actually remember why you liked "the Tobey movies" in the first place.

That sounds a lot like trafficking in human misery. About time, but it took that? That's really messed up. I hope you know that.

I swear, if you start in on the whole "Peter living with Tony and Steve" crap, I will web you in the face.

Comments

[rhodeing]

What about Peter living with Tony and Steve? That sounds dangerous, man.

[butwhytho]

It has to be dangerous. As far as I'm aware, Tony can't even take care of his robot buddies and Steve has a whole new generation to adjust to. Also? I am totally fine living on my own. I don't need to be anyone's babysitter, and I certainly don't need any of my own.

[He's a grown man, Rhodey! All grown up!]

[rhodeing]

[Rhodey knows! Rhodey gets it! Really!]

You definitely don't want to be Tony's babysitter, I can vouch for that.

[butwhytho]

He seems to have enough of them already. [You, Pepper, Happy, JARVIS, does Natasha count at this point?] It would be great if he'd stop popping up in conversations about me, though. I get that he's all famous and a genius and so forth, but he's everywhere.

[rhodeing]

[Rhodey squints at him.]

Have you even met him?

[He can't really imagine Tony willfully spending time with anyone other than his team...]

[butwhytho]

Not where I'm from. [Obviously, we all know you have copyright issues more than any other issues, Pete.] Around here? Yeah. Several times. Like I said, he's everywhere.

[rhodeing]

Yeah. I've met like, eight different versions of him.

You know what's more terrifying than one Tony? Seven other Tonys who are slightly different.

[butwhytho]

[Wow, your life. It's so hard.

Except Peter is such a good guy, he doesn't even think that.]

There's...a lot. Of him. Yeah. I've met a few other mes-who-aren't-me and that's pretty terrifying, too.

[rhodeing]

[Whatever, it's distressing!]

I bet. I've seen some other mes, but I didn't have the same face. That ever happened to you?

[manofiron]

Uh, no. Sorry. There's only one person I want living with me and you're not it.

[butwhytho]

[Waah waah waah at least you get paid]

Oh my—yes. New mes. With...curly hair and really, really young. Peter Parkers who aren't me but are still Spider-Man—it's baffling.

[butwhytho]

[RUDE]

Uh, okay? I don't want to live with you either, sir, it was more a precaution than anything else. You've seen the whole feels stuff first hand, after all.

[rhodeing]

[Rhodey will pay you to take some photos but they have to be masterpieces]

I don't understand it, man. I just don't.

[manofiron]

[ WELL DUH. ]

What the hell is that, anyway? "Feels." People don't have feels. They have feelings. Did school get dumber since I went through it or what?

[butwhytho]

[Okay, so they can't be of Iron Man. Got it!]

I don't think anyone understands Hollywood, Lieutenant Colonel. It's just a mess that never gets any better and collapses on itself every fifteen years or so.

[littlegoblinjr]

Drop the past tense, Pete.

I still hate you.

[butwhytho]

Be grateful—some people call them "fee-fees" purposefully. They get feels so hardcore they have fee-fees.

It just seems like people can't contain an entire language, really.

[rhodeing]

[Obviously.]

You're right. Pretty awful, really.

[manofiron]

Keep it up and I'm going to start regretting having saved this planet from Loki's alien buddies.

[butwhytho]

[BUT WHY THO?]

I've talked about you in the past tense for a long time, Harry. It's difficult because—you're.

You know. Not dead.

[butwhytho]

[Strike a pose, Rhodey!]

It's all about money, I guess. Root of all evil or whatever.

[butwhytho]

The selfless Iron Man himself, ladies and gentlemen.

[manofiron]

Who ever said I was selfless? I'm only like the most selfish guy on the planet.

[butwhytho]

[NO SHIT]

That was the joke. I'd explain it, but that was literally the entire joke.

[manofiron]

You're new at the whole joke thing, aren't you, kid? It's okay. Work on it. You'll get better.