apping at towerofanimus

[hardbody]

I'm not so sure I like the look of this place. Aren't you putting me through enough as it stands? I can't see the benefit of sending me to another strange world ... especially when it seems like this one is actively out to get its inhabitants.

But, if some of the others are there, I might be able to tolerate it.

That doesn't include Xelloss. There's nothing tolerable about him.

Comments

[evilgasm]

Everyone's out to get somebody in our wide, open multiverse. Think about it that way and you might see that there's no difference between your crapsack world and this tower. Unless, of course, your goal was to conquer it. Then it makes all the difference when it's gone.

[hardbody]

I suppose that's one way to put it. However, I'm not usually confined to a tower in my own world--[as for the second part of the statement--what]--are you a would-be conqueror or something?

[evilgasm]

Oh, no, no. Where did you ever get that idea? My lifelong dream was always to have a Free Donut Day for everyone in the world. "Conquering" is a figure of speech.

Did you pass your Sarcasm Check?

[hardbody]

Hilarious.

[evilgasm]

Yeah, yeah, what tipped you off? Was it the fact that I'm a living, walking skeleton without any tastebuds? ... On that note, just what are you? You have rocks growing all over your body like Dire Fungus.

[hardbody]

[griiin ...] Skeletons do tend to be a joke. As for me, I'm a chimera. My body, anyway.

[evilgasm]

So you have a bunch of different entries in the Monster Manual sewn together to your body, effectively redefining the term "animal husband", and you think skeletons are bigger jokes than you are. I've seen chimeras. I've had a lot of 'em scattered around in my dungeons for any do-gooder protagonist to randomly encounter. They're useful. Strong, even. If made right, they can put up a hell of a boss fight for mid-level heroes. But really, you can't rely on them too much if they're a species known for hiding before biting.

What you should've done was keep a few new heads that breathe something of every element. You look like you could've used the Multiattack feat. Otherwise, the only thing your chimeric transplants have made you become is heavier and a little resistant to slash and dice attacks. Maybe even bludgeoning attacks. What I'm seeing here is that you're bragging to me after doing a half-assed splice job that doesn't nearly take as much advantage of chimeric fortitude as it ought to have. Thing is, when we make skeletons, nobody tries. They're good just to keep guarding your doors and keep the protags busy, but that's about it. You had a lot more riding on your results. But hey, I can respect your willingness to go the extra mile just for power. I can even relate.

And by the way, just so we're clear, I'm a lich. In the grand hierarchy of the Undead we've got going, we're the ones who are in charge.

[hardbody]

I didn't realize I was bragging. [eyebrow raise ...] You seem a little defensive.

[evilgasm]

As long as we're both in the territory of "born through magical origins", I didn't want any misunderstandings between us. Call it a critique on your sense of humor.

[hardbody]

We've got plenty of misunderstandings between us. I didn't make myself this way, for instance.

[evilgasm]

Oh. So you're one of those lab experiments that happened to get loose. I know what that's like. Sometimes, I free a few prisoners... you know, the nameless, unimportant, NPC ones every now and then... and see how much I can blast before one get away. None have, mind you. False hope goes great with a little target practice.

[hardbody]

[sadly, that strikes a little bit of a nerve, since he was technically an experiment.] You're disgusting.

[evilgasm]

Yeah, I get that a lot. And I'm betting you have quite the sob story to tell with how you unwittingly became an eldritch sin against nature.

[hardbody]

[he is about to roll a natural 20 to attack YOUR FACE, man!] I think we're done.

[evilgasm]

[Kinda what this one's pushing for!]

No, do go on. I'm sure it'll be one that gets my tear ducts leaking.

[hardbody]

Yeah, you're gonna love it. [muttering an incantation: 'Blessed humble hand of God; breath of mother Earth, I pray thee come before me. Show your great compassion to this person and deliver them.'] Recovery.

[a healing spell--helpful to the living, painful to the undead!]

[evilgasm]

Wait, what was that- was that an incantation just n-Aaagh!

[True to the Xykon style, he didn't bother preparing a resistance to positive energy today. In fact, he wasn't sure that he'd even get to have a chance to fight.]

Ow! What the hell was that for?

[hardbody]

[Unfortunately, Zel's not the kind of guy who can tolerate ribbing--friendly or otherwise--about his appearance/history.] Are you in the market for another one?

[dragonspooker]

FINALLY, someone I'll recognize - and won't want to punt on-sight!

[hardbody]

Lina! [hey gurlfran, how you doin'!] Precious few of us, aren't there?

[dragonspooker]

[MAN, WHERE WOULD SHE START] Yeah. Got a couple weirdos there that claim to know me, but I've never met 'em before.

[hardbody]

Oh, yeah? Like who?

[dragonspooker]

Some blonde lady named Filia, and a priest-lookin' guy with purple hair that doesn't do too well at answering questions directly.

[hardbody]

[pause. What.] --you mean Xelloss. And we traveled with Filia for months.

[dragonspooker]

[Damn it, not again...]

I've barely known you for a month!

[hardbody]

[What a curious circumstance.] For years, Lina.

[dragonspooker]

No, for a month, maybe two - hadn't really been paying much attention to the calendar before I wound up in that stupid tower. You tried to kill me and Gourry, then we teamed up on Shabranigdu, then we had to go deal with the knockoff Rezo - I was in the middle of that mess when I woke up in the tower!

[hardbody]

Hey, I never meant to kill you-- [damn, WHY ARE YOU BRINGING UP OLD STUFF?]--and all of that happened ages ago, besides.

[dragonspooker]

[BLANK STARE.]

[hardbody]

[RAKES HIS HAND OVER HIS FACE.] It must be an issue of timelines. That's the only explanation.

[dragonspooker]

Well, that'd make more sense than someone messin' with my memories...