crazy homeless, yo // canon is Advance Wars

[wassup]

'Sup, bro?

Look, I'm not trying to harsh on your vibe or anything, but you don't really have a plan for me, right? Dude, it's not a big deal to me - I'm chill with it, seriously - but it's probably gonna majorly suck if I'm just cooped up forever, you know? I'm the kind of guy that likes open spaces, you know that. I don't care if it's just those... what're they called, mimes? Memies? You know, those open post things that anyone can tag to. I don't care if it's just those, man.

Oh, you might want to scope out some more of these icons too, homie. Not even half full here, it's kind of a drag.

Aight, I'm gonna bounce for now, just give me a shout when you got a plan. Peace!

Comments

[ruffntumblenut]

Huh...you seem pretty chill.

Do you know a girl named Lash?

[wassup]

Huh?

[ Hold on, he's turning down the volume so he can actually hear through his headphones. ]

Chill? Yeah, that's pretty much me, I guess.

Oh, sure, I know Lash. She's cool, kinda creepy though. Didn't used to see eye to eye, but we're straight now.

[ruffntumblenut]

Oh she's TOTALLY creepy but in a really good way. And her explosions are kick ass!

We hung out a little in another world. That world's gone now but it was nice. She helped train me, her boyfriend was like my mentor. We even got to use her special powers to fight evil aliens.

[wassup]

She's got a wicked knack for gadgets, that's for sure.

... dude, being in another world sounds crazy enough. Lash being romantic, though? That's just plain whack, yo.

[ruffntumblenut]

[Laughs a big boisterous laugh]

I dunno if I would call it Romantic...more like. I dunno kinda...

Like a mutual agreement of denied feelings buried by having as much fun together as possible and beating the ass of anyone who hurts the one you like. Something like that? I dunno I barely understand my own love life.

[wassup]

[ Rubs the back of his neck, because dang. Feelings are hard. ]

I... guess that's something. I mean, it's not like I'm an expert or anything, but I guess... if they care, that's what matters, right? Doesn't really matter if we get it or not, if they think it's righteous that's what counts.

Probably. Dang, I dunno, this is way over my head - way over. Like... fighter jet altitudes. I'm happy for her, though.

[ruffntumblenut]

Never had a sweetie of your own?

[wassup]

Huh? Me? Uh... well, I guess not, no. I mean, there's Rach, but she's... and Sasha's... um.

No.

[ruffntumblenut]

Heh, sounds like you're at least interested?

[wassup]

No! Or... not no, but...

[ give him a sec here ]

It's like... you're enjoying a really phat beat, right? So you turn up the volume, but this track sounds lousy when you turn it up, you dig? So... I mean, I guess I'm not sure if I should turn up the volume.

... why am I spilling this?

[ruffntumblenut]

My girlfriend says people spill the beans when they secretly need to get it off their chests.

[wassup]

Word? I guess it's not something I rap with anyone about. I mean, we were all kinda busy knockin' Black Hole on it's butt until recently, so...

Dang. I gotta get this situation unshuffled.

[ruffntumblenut]

Or maybe you just need to flip the script? throw some drums at it for a nice backbeat and find a new rhythm.

[Haha! Her only basic understanding of music steps up!]

[wassup]

[ and yet to him it makes MORE SENSE THAN ANYTHING ]

So like... remix it? That's tight. I can totes get behind that.

[ruffntumblenut]

So see if you put some fresh new twists you can see it all better. Like how I try to think of my relationship as a war or a battle. Sometimes she's my ally, sometimes we're rivals.

[wassup]

A battle... word, I've seen tons of those. So if that's how I see it... right now this not knowing stuff is kinda like fog of war. So I need to pump out some recon units to scope the area...

Aight! I def gotta gather mad intel before deciding what move to make.

[ruffntumblenut]

There you go! Glad I could help! I'm awesome.

Oh, also my name's Ruffnut. Nice to meet ya music dude.

[wassup]

Yeah, you're the bomb, Ruffnut!

I'm Jake. Thanks for the sweet tips!

[zimos]

Now here's a motherfucker who knows what's up.

[wassup]

Me? I guess so, I just see it how it is, no sweat.

[black_hole_co]

[Eye roll.]

I believe the term you are looking for is 'meme'.

[wassup]

Snap, that's it! Thanks--

Yo, dude, Hawke! I thought you bought it back there!

[black_hole_co]

You thought what I wanted you to think.

Simple misdirection. [Awkward glance away.] Besides, Lash and I have no place outside of Black Hole.

[wassup]

Man, you're being way harsh on yourself. You partied with us, bro. It's all cool.

[black_hole_co]

You misunderstand. We did not leave because we felt inadequate. We left because we felt your countries and cultures were inadequate for our standards.

[wassup]

Oh. Scratch that last beat.

So... what're you doing now, then?

[black_hole_co]

If Nell has not passed that information onto you, I will not divulge my plans either.

[wassup]

Dang... aight. It's not like I can force you anyway. I just hope I don't have to rumble with you on the battlefield again, dude.

[black_hole_co]

Hmm. You show surprising restraint in comparison to your fellows. Of all your country's CO's only Nell and Sami showed any reluctance to face me in battle.

[There's a sinister smirk.] No matter, that will only make the battles following Andy's defection all the more interesting.

[wassup]

Andy's...?

No way, homes. Andy's straight, Max said so. No way he'd flip flop!

[black_hole_co]

Andy is a man of his honor and word. Too easy to manipulate. Soon, he will be flying Black Hole's colors, of his own decision or not is of little concern. Even against his will, he will give his all in battle, because he knows no other way.

[wassup]

[ There's a short pause. ]

Nope. Not happening, dude. I said I don't want to fight you, and that's true. But if I gotta knock you flat I'll do it. I can't dig why you're being so whack, but you're not getting Andy or anyone as long as I'm rolling.

[black_hole_co]

Andy has shown in the past a desire to face me in battle, alone, and against orders. He will gladly wager his loyalty on one battle were I to offer stakes of similar importance.

You see, Andy and I have a bond of sorts. Even I cannot explain it fully, but it always ends the same way in every simulation I run; Andy flying Black Hole's colors.

[wassup]

Bro, if everything ran like your sims you'd never lose. Orange Star COs never trip up when it matters the most - if Andy takes you on, he'll crush you before color swapping.