Spoilers for... Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter??

[imthehero]

You know... you already made the reserve, so you KNOW you HAVE to write the app now! People are waiting for this, you can't disappoint my fans!

Yeah yeah, I know, the history section, MY LONG AND INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT HISTORY is going to be hard, but I'm sure you can get through it. Like today, seeing that movie about how Abraham Lincoln killed vampires? Totally counts as history review, dude! How about how all the confederates were vampires and how badass Lincoln was with that axe?? He whipped that thing around better than Neo with that metal pipe! AND THE TRAIN EXPLODING! And all that character depth, and Abe's passion to erase slavery completely! Not to mention what a GREAT BEST FRIEND William was! And it was entirely platonic, completely. And the ending with Obama- perfect. Flawless! Just like my taste in movies.  

 Now that is a good movie. It was so scarily accurate to history, I felt like I was having a flashback!

...What do you mean something important was supposed to happen today? I don't remember anything important.

-Ha ha, no, mun, my birthday's in three days.

Comments

[16th]

I have to admit, young man, your enthusiasm is somewhat disconcerting.

[imthehero]

......ABRAHAM???

[twinpearls]

Who is Abraham Lincoln?

[imthehero]

Only one of THE BEST PRESIDENTS OF ALL TIME!

[16th]

My apologies, but if we've met, I seem to have forgotten.

[ there aren't a lot of people these days on a first-name basis with him. ]

[imthehero]

Of course we've met! Well, maybe not in your continuity... I'm still confused on a few things there. I'm a representation of the heart and soul of America, the country you saved!

[16th]

[ there's a long pause, then finally a low, weary laugh that sounds a little heartbroken. ]

More things in heaven and earth, I do suppose. My God, at least you're proof that we shall survive this war.

[changedbywar]

See, this is why I'm the cool sister, and you can be such a jerk.

[Puffs up her cheeks.]

I'll look in it. I still don't know if I'll like it, yanno?

[imthehero]

We do, sir! And we're the best country the world's ever had the honor to have!

[imthehero]

Sister? Ha, uh, no dude. I don't have a sister.

And you should definitely look into it! I'll probably watch it four more times, like I did with THE AVENGERS!

[changedbywar]

Alfred. I'm the female incarnation of you. Like Hulk has She-Hulk.

And you do have a brother to the north. Remember? Canada? Has your face, loves moose and maple syrup and drags his ass about everything?

You forgot his birthday, didn't you?

[16th]

My only regret, then, is that it came to war at all.

[ a pause, laying a hand on the top of his head. ]

You look almost young enough to be one of my sons.

[imthehero]

...


Oh shit, today's Canada's birthday?

[imthehero]

It was bound to happen sooner or later. Most countries go through that sort of thing.

And hey, maybe I look young, but I'm over 200 years old!

[changedbywar]

Yup. All day. [She's going to give him a hard time, but the truth is she forgets until it's suddenly July as well.] Oh, I remember how mad girl Canada got the last time I forgot.

[16th]

Little more than a boy in terms of the world's nations. Still-- I take your meaning. I shall try not to be terribly maudlin.

[twinpearls]

Oh! So he's your leader?

[imthehero]

Hey! I'm not a boy! I'm a well-respected, fully grown adult!

...Ha ha, who am I kidding, I can't be mad at you for thinking that. I was probably ... what, sixteen when that happened? I mean, appearance-wise.

[imthehero]

Yeah, exactly! He's my Boss! Like Jefferson was.

[imthehero]

...Ah ha, well whatever, if he bothered to actually remind me, then I wouldn't have forgotten! His fault, really.

[idkworldruler]

It was a rather good movie. And closer to the truth than most people think.

[twinpearls]

Right!

And he...hunted vampires?

[imthehero]

Exactly! Now you know where my Rip-hunting skills came from.

[imthehero]

You mean, you believe in vampires too??

[idkworldruler]

Kind of hard to deny the existance of something that's real.

[imthehero]

Ha! Exactly! Good on you, man, you have your head on straight.

[the_maple_man]

[Do you think he's that obnoxious that he'd remind you of his birthday? Right.]

[idkworldruler]

Well they did try and kill me.

[imthehero]

They do that a lot. I had a vampire problem for a while once too, but I totally had it under control. You just need to know how to handle them!

[imthehero]

[Unfortunately, AMERICA is obnoxious enough to forget without prompting.]

Oh, hey dude. What's shakin'?

[the_maple_man]

[Canada sighs. He shouldn't expect anything from America, really.]

Nothing much. Just... Hanging around...

[imthehero]

Cool, cool. You're coming to my birthday party, right?

[twinpearls]

Of course! That makes sense.

But...do you really hate vampires? Or are you emulating your leader?

[imthehero]

... Maybe a little of both! The only good vampire is a dead vampire! Or unless their last name is Cullen and their first name is Spike.