John is all for the compartmentalization of Marvel movieverses.

[exterrorist]

No, man. I really don't think SHIELD should coexist with mutants. We know where that leads, right? And doing that would also open the door for so much more. Let me just remind you that this is what you'd also be courting:



Is this what you want?



Is it really?



I don't want to be a SHIELD agent. Just use some other governmental division, for fuck's sake. It's not like I even have the training!

Comments

[idkmybffvenom]

I am so glad I avoided this whole... faze.

Also. Word to the wise. Avoid any and all governmental divisions. They're pretty bent on screwing you over in the long run. Like shoving you knee-deep in $%@# screwing you over.

[exterrorist]

There's probably something else to be embarrassed about. ... but I don't know what would be quite so, uh. That.

Yeah, well. If there were another way. One that doesn't suck, I mean.

[idkmybffvenom]

Yeah I have a whole grocery list of mistakes. Not gonna judge Pete there just... glad I don't have that to tack on.

Uh, what is it you wanna get into? Combat?

[exterrorist]

I figure you get made that many years ago, you accumulate stuff. But nothing quite so bad as a headliner, right?

It's just this deal I had to cut. Well, no, I didn't have to, it's just better than jail or hiding.

[idkmybffvenom]

To be fair, that's a pretty tame way of handling an alien parasite. It could have been worse. He could have eaten somebody. I think that might take the cake on bad hair and awful dance moves.

No offense, Pete.

That's a tough break then. I can sympathize with the whole... lack of options deal. I guess my best advice is always always read the fine print. Don't let them throw any sucker punches. Because they will. Also. Planting bombs inside of you? Another issue. Avoid that too.

[exterrorist]

Christ, what? Implanted bombs? No, wait, you're from the universe with giant mutant-hunting robots, aren't you? And like, time travel? I guess the weirdness has to find displacement somewhere else if it's not going into shit like that.

[idkmybffvenom]

Mutant hunting... robots. Nope. Don't think so. Though, honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if that does exist.

Haven't experienced the time travel thing either. Guess my crazy-experiences-resume is shorter than I thought.

[exterrorist]

Hmm. No, you're right, the bombs thing isn't giant mutant hunting robots time travel crazy. I bet they would do implanted bombs, if I were, well, a dangerous alien symbiote type guy. Or Magneto or something.

[idkmybffvenom]

Bingo.

Wait. Magneto. Mutants... oh. X-Men, right?

[exterrorist]

A long time ago.

[That's... not exactly a lie.]

I'm reconsidering the costs/benefits of a badly dancing Spider-man, honestly.

[idkmybffvenom]

It's a grab bag. Badly dancing Spider-man's one option. Eating people is another. Murderous rampages are pretty popular too.

[manofiron]

I'm sorry. Are you suggesting that this emo kid works for SHIELD?

[exterrorist]

It's not like I'd have to deal with it. ... but that's not good, of course.

Oh, damnit, I might. It doesn't like fire, right?

[exterrorist]

Well, not this one. He's just this horrible, loitering, adjunct sort of possibility.

[manofiron]

Yeah, well, I think the possibility's enough for me to quit.

[rainfading]

But that hair though.

So close, if only he went for the horns:

[exterrorist]

Quit what, quantum-based existence? I don't think he's coming to a neighborhood near you anytime soon. Or me, for that matter, but I really just don't want to be a SHIELD agent.

[exterrorist]

Alien symbiotes fuckin love 80s music.

[manofiron]

SHIELD. Quantum-based existence has a few selling points left. Less, now that I know that guy's in it, but still.

Look, if Fury starts coming around, trying to get you to join his secret club, tell him no. And be an asshole about it. He doesn't like assholes.

[rainfading]

The more you know.

Why do you have to work for this SHIELD thing?

[exterrorist]

He's not, I promise. ... as far as I know.

No, no, I wouldn't be in like that, I'd be more like one of those uniformed guys running around being cannon fodder. Except I don't really have combat training and I hate wearing a suit.

[exterrorist]

It has to be "the government," which is such a comfortingly vague idea, because blah blah cut a deal reforming blah blah will stop drinking and setting shit on fire, you know how it is.

And I'm sure they'll value that piece of knowledge about alien symbiote musical taste. Maybe it'll swing me a gun.

[rainfading]

'Cause government employees are known for their sobriety!

You're pretty much owed a gun. That's what you get in exchange for signing over your soul, a glock.

[exterrorist]

That's exactly the argument I'll make. I'm a very trustworthy individual now.

[rainfading]

I can tell.