dear_mun | voice test. canon is "kiss kiss bang bang"

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voice test. canon is "kiss kiss bang bang"

I can't believe you. Just can not. You used that terrible name I told you not to. "Hartbreaker"? What am I, like, Pat fucking Benetar over here? Totally lame. Then you upload a fucking broody icon. When will I use that? Seriously, when. Not a broody guy over here. Case you hadn't noticed. Which you did. Or at least I thought so.

Love the profile pic though. Can I get that? The gun I mean. C'mon you know I'd just kick ass, all kinds of ass with it. Perry never lets me with his toys. No, there's no two meanins or three meanings to that statement. Stop looking. I meant his guns, and I don't mean his arms--you know what, no. Let's just move on. You're twisting my words around.

So whatever I'm here and now what the fuck am I going to--oh my god. You're not listening to the 80s station are you? You totally are. Dirty Dancing. You're kidding me with this. Like, I'm having this great monologue over here, and you're getting your groove on. That's not even fair. Can we focus on me for like five sold fucking minutes? I mean you did invite me into your head, I didn't just waltz in and plop down on the nearest armchair. Except I kinda--whatever, you know what I mean. Meant. Fuck. Don't correct me, maybe?

Yeah so anyway, I'm here. So now what next, I'd really like to know, because I have a life I need to get back to. I seriously can't be here narrating yours and fuck me sidways are you listening to the Breakfast Club now? How can I--I can't even compete with that. Just can't. Not going to try. I think I'll wander and bug your other people. There's this guy in a lab, man he looks high strung as hell. I think I'll steal a beaker. Or break one. Haven't decided, I'll figure it out when I get there.

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Between the name, the face, and the attitude, you sure do remind me of someone.

[Oh, hello there. Chick with cleavage. He likey.]

A good someone, I hope. Cuz I'm awesome. More than awesome. Off the scale--I mean. Hi. What's your name?

[Tasha scratches at her temple, an almost inaudible groan at the back of her throat.]

What are you playing at, Stark?

[Sideboob. He's staring and, oh. You were talking. With words. Yup, eyes up top, they were the whole time.]

Stark? Stark what? You got to finish that statement, cuz I gotta say, my mind is thinking at least twenty different r-rated things right now.

[Alright, two can play this game. She has a slew of masks to choose from and he seems to like Natalie the most.]

Yeah? Like what, sweetheart?

[Wait, what? Thoughts. He has thoughts, but she wants them into words. That's not even fair. He's not even good with that on a good day, much less now.]

You going to turn this into a phone sex thing? The whole describe what you're wearing and thinking kind of... thing? I'm not good at that. At all. But your cleavage is really just. Incredibly distracting. Your secret weapon. Quite a handful. Or they look it. Sorry. What was the question again?

[He's sounding less like Tony and now she's starting to doubt. But he's just another job, then, because he has information she needs.

Her laugh is low, sultry, like warm honey.]

Nothing you haven't seen before.

Hell, do you ever stop talking to yourself?

No, shut up. Don't answer that, I don't know why I even asked. Don't you have work to do?

[Puppy-eyed stare. He had a clever response to the first thing! Really, Perry.]

That a trick question? I mean, do you want me to answer the second question, ignore the first, or is it vice versa? Who came up with that anyway, 'vice versa'. It's weird. You say it and suddenly you're mumbling.

[...]

You tell me, boss. Do I have work? It's a slow fucking day.

Well. Technically, grammatically, that's a double negative. Nothing and haven't cancel each other out. So, yeah, I've seen tits before, yes, but not yours. See my point?

How about we play a game, hm? Answers for articles of clothing.

[He waits through Harry's external internal-dialog with the sort of self-suffering patience a man only gains once he's been exposed to it on a regular basis, but doesn't comment.]

You always have work, imbecile, it's called 'not going around looking for trouble'.

Also, filing. There are only so many ways even you can hurt yourself filing papers.

[Harry deflates even more, and those puppy eyes? If he gives the look even harder, they'll totally work.]

What about paper cuts? Stings like a bitch and expose you to all kinds of bacteria. I got one the other day, see?

[Holds up his hand and points. The cut is on his index finger. You have to squint to see it, but it's totally there.]

I could die from that you know. Hey, why aren't we out with actual cases? Paperwork is just boring, Perry. We should, like. Have an actual case. Or something.

[Perry just crosses his arms. He's had a lot of practice deflecting that look, by now.]

Believe me, if anyone could figure out how to get a lethal paper cut I'm sure it would be you.

I used to have normal, boring cases before you came along, you know. It was nice. Fewer hospital bills.

I'd question your definition of "great", Harry.

Tempting. Real tempting. But can I take a raincheck on that? See, there's a good kind of slutty, and then there's-okay. All kinds are bad, but some guys go for that. You know, a quickie one night thing. I'd be lying if I never did but. C'mon, I just met you so this whole stripping right away thing? Not doing it for me, sweetheart, sorry.

[She perks both brows, impressed, and crosses her arms as she settles back in her seat.] Interesting, considering your inability to focus earlier.

Who are you, exactly?

[That's not playing fair, Perry. Like at all. He's supposed to give The Look, and you give in, and he gets out of work. It's their routine. Okay maybe Harry likes to think it is, but whatever.]

Hey, now. Hey. You offered to pay those bills. That's on you, buddy.

[Because its... your fault he got injured? Just follow the logic, don't question it.]

And you like me bringing you excitement. Deny me that, and you're totally a liar.

C'mon, it totally was. It would've been even better if I hadn't gotten so fucking distracted. Rude mun, I'm tellin' ya. Why'd I get stuck here? It's just not fair. I need creative breathing room.

[Oh, now you boosted his ego. He likes that. Its like a big ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED screen flashing before his eyes.]

Yeah well. I occasionally have these like. Moments of brilliance. It's a gift, really.

Harry, or Harold, if you want to be all fucking professional, Lockhart. Who's Stark?

Brilliance. Right. Noted.

[She withholds her tone of disbelief.]

A friend.

[For all the things he is or isn't, you have to hand it to the man that at least Perry's a pretty good liar.]

Look Harry, I pay you to do busywork and keep yourself out of trouble, all right? There is nothing that I like about running a fucking charity over here with you as the sole beneficiary.

[Ouch. Sore spot. Insult to his pride and everything.]

It's not a charity, you asshole. Maybe before, but I do work for it.

[...Occasionally.]

Yeah, all that work you do complaining about the work you aren't doing. Real strenuous stuff.

[A pause; Perry doesn't try to be intentionally mean. He does like the guy, after all. Sometimes.]

You want a real case? Fine. I've got another surveillance coming up-- you manage not to screw anything up and you can handle the camera, how's that?

[His arms are so very crossed right now and he's glaring because how dare you, Perry, he's going to fucking pout until you fucking apologize-

-wait. what? Seriously, you're going to give him an actual job? Pouting gone!]

You mean it, right? Not just, like. Giving me the shitty job just to shut me up? Because that kind of thing is really getting old. I mean, yeah. Fuck yeah. I can operate a camera. Any loser can. Just point and fucking click. How hard could it be?

Since when has giving you anything ever shut you up? Yes, I mean it, and don't make me fucking regret it.

Even assuming for a moment that you can operate a camera, the other half of the job is not calling attention to yourself. You do not speak to the target, you do not let the target notice you, you do not let the target notice the camera. You think you can handle that?

[Admittedly he doesn't really think Harry can handle 'not being noticed' for any length of time, but it's not a very important job. Open-and-shut case, Hollywood mistress, already filing the divorce, that sort of thing. He doesn't need it, but work is slow. Besides, no harm in letting Harry feel accomplished from time to time.]

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voice test. canon is "kiss kiss bang bang"

Just for you, bb.

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I must collect ALL the canonmates!

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