dear_mun | Trying to find a game for this big dork.

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Trying to find a game for this big dork.

Woah. I was perfectly happy where I was before you pulled me into this headspace of yours, mun. I understand that you're very excited about the new stuff coming down the line. But the last thing I need is you cooing about "poor Chris" or trying to traumatize me any more than I already am.

Besides, you'd just need to update as soon as this new thing launches. And I know you're not very punctual about things like that. So let's just... you know. Think it over before you make any rash decisions.

-I see you looking at that duck place. No. I don't care if he's there. He's dead. I don't want to ever have to deal with him again.

Are you even listening?

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[Oh don't mind the snickering Chris.]

Aw, what's wrong Redfield? Your Mun wants to go Wesker hunting? Don't they know that only gets so far before it gets old an' makes you look like you're just a one trick pony.

Aw, c'mon Redfield. It'll be fun. Bring your sister along and we can have a big ol' reunion.

Not gonna happen, Birkin. [Leave his sister out of it unless you want to get socked in the face.]

I was just trying to make the inevitable fight a little more fair for you. Considering you're outnumbered three-to-one at the moment, I thought you'd appreciate it. She has plenty of experience killing me, after all. [Oh, he's been socked in the face enough times at this point that it barely even phases him.]

And I have plenty of experience killing Wesker. Being outnumbered doesn't phase me in the slightest. [Ugh. No wonder Chris apparently becomes an alcoholic in RE6. He needs a drink.]

Edited 2012-06-29 03:18 (UTC)

[It's a Capcom game; we all need a drink.]

Didn't you have help literally every single one of those times? Plus you only really killed him once. You can only kill anyone once, even you should know that, Chris.

[Point. Capcom likes putting people through the wringer.]

Still counts. Now I know how to pull it off if the whole "rockets to the face in an active volcano" thing wasn't enough. ...Which I'm really hoping it was.

If I were you I'd worry more about the possibility of certain events changing. The community and the people in it have a tendency to do that.

"Change", you mean? [Does he really want to know? ...Screw it. Yes, he does.] I'm probably going to regret this, but what's that supposed to mean?

Exactly what it sounds like: The future's liable to change, especially if you have someone around who knows what to expect and that someone really doesn't want to pull his friend out of a volcano again. You may not realize this, but Wesker's kind of heavy.

Oh, Chris. [It's not quite a purr.] And here I thought you liked playing the hero.

Well, don't beat yourself up too much about it. It's only the fate of the world on your shoulders.

I'm good at it. Doesn't mean that I can't wish for a peaceful retirement. [Like that's going to happen. Chris scowls angrily and folds his arms.]

Can't even leave me alone on the other side of the fourth wall, can you? You should really see a shrink about this weird obsession you have about me. -That, and the megalomania.

Don't get too worked up. [dismissively] If I recall, you were the one who mentioned me.

I'm flattered, of course, even if you have riled my own mun about the prospect of you wandering blindly into things you cannot possibly comprehend. Again.

Yeah, about how thrilled I was that she's considering this. [Sarcasm!]

I've pretty much accepted that that's how my life goes: zombies, B.O.W.s, and the worst luck of all time.

How about an entire, saturated globe?

Because you should know, now that I have Birkin back on my side--well... we're fixing all the little quirks you found out about my virus.

[Oh crap-!]

I'm gonna have to call bullshit on that one. Birkin or not, you're going to wind up losing in the end. Even if it doesn't kill you, I'd say you've got a big target on your back for some kind of karma backlash.

Ah... but you see, in my world, you have no reason to pursue me. You have Jill. You think I'm dead.

I do hope it hurts, watching your loved ones succumb to my gift.

[Man, if you were trying to tick off Chris, it worked. He barely stops himself from lunging at Wesker. So he'll just grimace instead.]

It won't happen. The instant you act- the second you show your face- you're going to have all holy hell raining down on you.

That will be after the world is remade, of course. Unlike some of us, Chris, I learn from my mistakes. [His lips quirk, but there's no warmth in that smile.]

But it's hardly your concern. After all, you have much better things to do than deal with me.

Yeah. Unlike some of us, so do I.

Why you son of a-! [Screw it. Might want to dodge that gunshot, Wesker.]

[And he does, his movements so quick that it literally looks like he's teleporting. He'll reach out to snatch the man by his jaw, lifting him up and off of the ground as though he weighs nothing at all.]

Temper, temper.

[Ow. Ow. Well, this is a feeling that Chris hasn't missed at all. He might not be able to speak due to the grip on his jaw, but the infuriated look he shoots Wesker should be answer enough.]

[Okay, that, and the kick he aims at his solar plexus.]

[Enjoy kicking a gut that feels like it's made out of solid steel. Still, Wesker grunts a little, almost carelessly tossing Chris away from him.]</small

[Aaaah- thud! Good thing the fourth wall was there for him to slam into back-first. Getting up is the first priority. But that throw knocked the wind out of him. Un momento.]

...Ow.

[The mun will just admire that back in the meantime, oh ho ho--]

All that slacking off is doing horrible things to your physique. [Clicking his tongue against his teeth chidingly, pulling his shades off and tucking them away.]

It's called "downtime". [What? He can still be a smartass if he wants to. Heck, he can do it and climb back to his feet at the same time! Watch!] Even heroes need a breather.

Heroes also tend to save the day, not mope in a corner because there are things they just don't want to deal with. [Yep, sorry, not letting that go, and he'll almost absently draw his own gun.]

Have you not been paying attention? I've saved the day at least three times already. You can't blame a guy for wanting it to stay saved.

[And you wonder why he doesn't want to put up with the constant mockery and irritation.]

Have you not been paying attention? It doesn't matter how many times you save it if, in the end, you still fail.

[Taking careful aim. Don't disappoint him, Chris. Use that training. Bang bang.]

[Miss x2! That last one was a close call, though. Of all the times not to be ale to find a lightswitch...!]

I won't fail!

[Very good, Chris, dance for him.]

You'll fail, and everyone else will die for it. [He's moving again quickly, trying to disorientate the man.]

[~~Make me!~~]

... [He's doing his best to keep up, but damn it, Wesker's a fast little son of a bitch.]

[He is, isn't he? He finally does stop, however--and has the gall to twitch his fingers in the universal 'come at me, bro' gesture.]

[In the words of... well, the Internet: challenge accepted.

Short version: haymaker punch. Wesker's smug face. Make it happen.]

[Try not to break your hand, Chris. Wesker's head snaps to the side, and the punch definitely hurts. Still, the virus in his system has hardened his bones, muscle, and skin, and repair begins almost instantly to fix what had been damaged.]

Ouch. [It's a drawl.]

[Sometimes (only really it's quite often), Chris wonders when his life turned into a monster movie. But then something tries to tear his head off and he remembers when.]

Oh look. It can feel pain. ["It". That was on purpose.]

Jealousy is so far beneath you, Redfield.

Why, even your sister was more appreciative... [Sorry, he knows some of your trigger points, Chris.]

...

[The only response to that is yet another punch to the face. Mentioning the kid sister is not a smart move.]

Such a temper. [Idly wiping his face--before his own fist tries to slam itself right into Chris' gut.]

[And that single punch makes Chris double up and gasp for air. Good grief. It's like getting hit by a truck. Not even his bulletproof vest can absorb all of the force.]

-!!

You see the difference between you and I? [But he loves watching the man writhe like that. He wants to crush him under his heel until Chris is screaming for mercy before he kills him.]

[Yeah, yeah, evil villain monologue now. He's still getting his breath back, but he has enough air to snort derisively. The one thing he'll never do is beg for mercy. Not even at the end of the world.]

I think I've played with you enough for now. [The shades are sliding back on, and he's stepping back into the shadows.]

Don't get complacent, now.

... Are you talking about Wesker?

[She shudders.]

I've... had to deal with one before.

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Trying to find a game for this big dork.

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Ooh, low blow.

He's good at those, cheap bastard.

He's such a jerk, it loops right around to hilarious.

I am sure you are aware I am shamelessly enabling you. <3

Consider me fully enabled and eyeing the reserve page as we speak! -Type! -Whatever.

/makes an inhuman sound of delight

/posts reserve!

/scream

<3

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Hey Chris. Have some more potential trauma. HAVE YOUR SISTER.