On not-entirely-impulse journal creation. Spoilers for A:EMH possible

[never_again]

Great, am I supposed to be overjoyed or something?

I'm busy. And you can't set things right. So...

Whatever.

Comments

[changedbywar]

And what would be "right", Barnes?

[never_again]

Letting a man do what he has to do. Ma'am.

[changedbywar]

Mm. [You, much like Cap, belong to America, and in that way belong to her. She wants, if not your happiness, at least you to be a peace as much as you can.] This place is a nexus. You are outside of time. Don't worry, you will be placed where and you belong...mind I didn't say "where you believe you belong".

So, do your best not to let it eat you up, okay? You don't have to enjoy it, but don't get harsh with your mun or yourself just yet.

[never_again]

She does have three other versions of me. Three.

I do not need this.

*happiness? How does that even work, anymore...*

[changedbywar]

No, but it's what you got, Barnes.

And if there is one thing any version of you can do, it's working with what you got, ain't it?

[She's confident he'll figure that out...if he let's himself.] On the bright side, you met the female incarnation of the spirit of the United States, so you accomplished something, yes?

[never_again]

*........*

I wonder why you should even bother with somebody like me, thing. I've done nothing to aid or strengthen you in... longer than many people live.

[changedbywar]

You were a hero, and still are.

[She moves closer, resting her hand on his shoulder.]

I'm proud of you, and I pray you'll find what you need...and I'm sorry...that we didn't find you first.

Iii have no idea where that 'thing' came from in that first sentence.

[never_again]

I might have been a hero once. Now I'm thinking of aiming for 'acceptable human' - I'm sure I'll reach it, some day.

*ever the optimist. And no, this is not easy to hear. Necessary, maybe, but not easy. So he bows his head, stilling himself in order to accept it.*

I... I know. I know that if there had been a guess that I might've been alive, I would have been found. I can't help the resentment yet, but I know.

And thank you.

I didn't even see it so it's all good XD.

[changedbywar]

I believe in you, Bucky. And I think we both know I'm not the only one.

If you need something, don't be afraid to ask...and thank you, too.

Whew. That's what comes from, uh, screencapping the ep until 2 a.m.

[never_again]

I... know. He is... he doesn't deserve having me around until I've gotten myself straightened out, though. *nor does he deserve being left again thinking Bucky might have died. So he's not.*

There is too much of a debt I owe... you, already, ma'am. In blood. Let me try to save the lives of people to even the scales out somewhat, before I try to call on your help.

[changedbywar]

I would argue that it's my duty to you as much as your duty to me for us to help each other, but I know that debts and honor and...forgiving are all two way streets. [And because he's getting a little gloomy, he's getting a big old America hug. Whether he likes it or not.] Just...remember what I said, not letting it eat you up. And you seriously don't have to kill yourself over it. It would make me and Cap cry.

[never_again]

*oh, he likes it. Not something that's happened in the last... however long, so he likes it a lot. And then promptly feels guilty, because one is not supposed to think that way of his country.

Not that much of that reaches his face. She gets a slightly stiff hug back, and a slightly complicated look. ... and a wince at that last part.*

And we can't have that, can we.

[changedbywar]

[She reads people's moods better than she let's on. Maybe she doesn't understand the exact direction of his feelings, she knows he's enjoying it more than his face shows. So, he's just going to be held a little longer, until he forces her away himself.]

Nope. Cause then we'd have to drag you up from Perdition or down from Salvation. Just much too complicated.

[originalsidekick]

....seriously. Get a haircut. You're making the rest of us look bad.

[never_again]

We'll see.

[originalsidekick]

Just a friendly suggestion because that really doesn't seem practical if nothing else. Why give someone a hand hold to yank your head around with?

[never_again]

Because that is only a problem if you're slow enough to let anybody that close.

*slight emphasis on you. Yep, this is going so well.*

[originalsidekick]

Wow, nice to see I just get more. Errr. What was the term again? Oh, right. Douchey with age. [Of course it is. Bucky's a troll and Winter Soldier has a chip on his shoulder that Bucky-troll needs to poke at.]

[never_again]

*Bucky is currently pissed off at the entire world. He whatevered Steve, even. It'll pass, but... yep, douchey is pretty precise.*

You'll reap what you sow, kid. That one's old enough that you should know it.

[originalsidekick]

If that's the case you obviously screwed up somewhere royally, pal. [The younger man stated flatly.]

[never_again]

Oh, you have no idea.

[originalsidekick]

I have a faint idea thanks to my way too chatty typist telling me what fate has in store for me.

[never_again]

There is a slight difference. I have the dubious honor to have been in Red Skull's hands all along. Not communists. Him directly.

*have fun imagining this, kid. Brainwashed by the Skull directly. Any way the knives could have been twisted at Bucky and Steve personally, on top of acting against his country, against what he believed in? Yep. And the Winter Soldier was perfect. Red Skull's pride, until he was told to finish Steve and he turned into the Skull's disappointment.
... greatest compliment he's ever been paid, that last one.*

Your way won't be easy, but I almost would have preferred it.