dear_mun | it's pretty lonely at achtenberg

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it's pretty lonely at achtenberg

Here we are again... You thought that the third time would be the charm, and we've wound up with a dead end. Again. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.

Doesn't stop you from holding onto hope, does it? Well, I suppose I can admire your spirit, Milady. I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait to see if you can make a miracle. I hope, for your sake, that it's not too-little-too-late.

Addendum: Oh, now. Why did you post this?! Don't do that!

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[ Oh, oops! America looks startled and goes so far as to help her keep her footing, hands shooting out on reflex to grab England by the forearm to steady her. ]

Hey, be careful! Watch yourself, clumsy!

[ She giggles, fully aware that she caused the other nation to nearly fall, and releases her once she's convinced she'll be fine without the help. ]

Well, that's our job, right? Either you do the job, or you go into retirement. And I hear not a lot of us come back from the storage closet. That wouldn't be living life for you either.

[ But dreams, huh... America knows that feeling a little too well for her tastes and the thought makes her usually incessant smile fade like an old photograph. She looks away from England, focusing on nothing in the distance and inclines her head to one side pensively. ]

Everyone has had a dream or two that never came true, y'know. That's no reason to give up. If everybody did when things didn't pan out, there'd be nobody left.

Edited 2012-06-20 09:03 (UTC)

[oh America, always looking at the glass half-full in contrast to England's half-empty teacup. she blushes darkly when America grabs her and yanks her arm away. she's not clumsy! she was able to catch herself]

So what do you think I should do? Hope and pray for a dying game to regain life? It won't get bigger if no one is interested. [too bad Prussia didn't join her. that would have made things somewhat bearable. but again, empty promises and broken dreams] I don't even know what I'm doing there...

[ Well, to be entirely fair, it helps when the glass in question is a 32-ounce plastic McDonald's cup; whether one sees it as half-full or half-empty, it's typically enough for America to work with, see. In addition, if one were to ask her, she'd say it's the role she chose: to play the youthful, irritatingly cheerful optimist in compliment to England's darker shades of carefully cultivated cynicism, the stupidly tenacious fool to England's unwavering bullheadedness. ]

Then find another dream! If you're not happy there, why do you stay? Open up your mind to new possibilities, if you're so sure of how this will end.

[yes, the fool indeed]

Milady wants to wait things out. She hopes others like you will join. Not that I care, really. If the game dies, it dies. It's not like that saying 'third time's the charm' means anything.

Well, you're right about that. You're supposed to make your own fate! Isn't that kinda what you taught me to do?

[ America sighs and crosses her arms over her chest, turning back to England now. ]

That place is a little different from what my mun has been looking for, but if it's slow and small, it may not be so bad.

[ She scoffs then suddenly and cracks a grin that's more on the wry side of a smile than the mirthful. She flushes too a bit and focuses her eyes on another invisible point that's a short distance to the right of England. ]

But I don't think she's really worried about the place not being a good fit itself, so much as she is about you.

[ The color in her face grows darker and she starts to fidget a little with the edge of her jacket, distinctly becoming uncomfortable. ]

A stupid metaphor or some such silliness about magnets and whatever...

[don't blush America! it makes HER blush. she huffs, trying to look like she isn't botherd]

M-magnets. What is that even supposed to mean, you idiot?

[ And really, America's all too happy to just go with the pretense, too, even if it is so easily seen through. This is territory that renders her vulnerable and she hates that, so she's perfectly content not to see the older nation's anxiety suddenly rising. She hardly looks at England as she jerks her thumb over her shoulder ~~towards the thread below~~ and, well, she can't control the heat blossoming across her cheeks, of course, so she just pretends it's not even there. ]

I think you get it more clearly than you want to say, old lady.

[ Long story short, America and the mun are probably not quite ready for dealing with something unrequited at the moment, and this feels like a downward spiral directly into that, if it feels like anything at all. America is America, after all — she won't stand for not being the center of attention, least of all the center of England's. That, alone, could be dealt with, but it's the development of America's affections that's worrisome and if they turned that corner into a different breed of love, well, then she'd be done for, wouldn't she. ]

[the unrequited thing is something England and the mun know about all too well. so she really can't blame the both of you. it's still a bit depressing, and that was the last thing she needed. America was her baby, and she hated to see her upset. England has a large pit at the bottom of her stomach]

Well. I suppose it doesn't matter anyway. [waves her hand, willing the blush to go away. she's feeling more like crying now. a losing battle in both threads, is it?] I told her it was no use posting here. It never is.

[ Of course, it's likely no consolation, but it's not just because she is England; it takes something more than that, something special, and America's mun sees it in her here. It's not guaranteed, but it seems very probable.

America sighs again, heavily, tiredly. She turns her gaze back to England and it takes her all of a split second to understand the other's even further dampening spirits. England is many things to her, from family to enemy, and friend to ally. Even if it is not conducive to protecting herself from the hard truth of the matter, America is still a bleeding heart and she still cares for England, even if she doesn't love her so deeply yet. She doesn't want the older nation to hurt either. ]

That's not fair.

[ She hesitates for a moment before reaching out to rest her hand on England's arm and her mind scrambles for words to weakly veil herself. ]

It's not like I'd be enough for you anyway, so... you can't go blaming just me for this.

[England shakes her head]

I don't blame you at all, poppet. I'm... just. I didn't mean to upset you, or anyone. It is just a trying time for me right now.

[yes, that's right. build yourself up again, get a grip. don't let America see you cry wither. America is special too, after all. and she and her mun would like to play with this America more! of course, England would never admit to such an honest, squishy thing! she scrubs at her eyes until the rain is all gone]

I'll get through it. I always do. [and then everything will go back to normal. kicking France's arse, bickering with America and Russia, facepalming at Italy. All that!]

Edited 2012-06-21 10:39 (UTC)

You're a horrible role model. What, "keep calm and carry on"?

[ America laughs, but the sound is bitter. ]

You know, it's kinda sad. The most important lesson and I had to teach you about it, didn't I?

[ She sighs again, more softly and quietly this time though. She turns her body towards England, her hand moving to her shoulder, her other arm stretching out, opening to her. America even smiles and she does her very best this time to summon her usual sunniness for the expression. ]

Just because you'll get through it, doesn't mean you have to do it alone.

[A BIT HESITANT. because hugging is... well, it embarrasses her! and she's worried America will rub it in. after darting her eyes around she leans forward into the taller nation. she doesn't hug back just yet. she's just standing stiffly]

I do a lot of things on my own. I certainly don't need anyone's help.

[ Oh, America fully intends to rub it in— just not right now, of course. For all people say she cannot read the atmosphere, America can actually be quite sensitive. Most of the time, she just chooses not to be because life becomes so much more complicated. It's difficult. But right now, even if this is a difficult situation, America doesn't want to see England so upset. She just wants to make her smile— even if only once. ]

Yeah, yeah, go ahead and be stubborn. I'm still right!

[ America isn't deterred by not feeling England relax into his embrace. She still wraps her arms around her and strokes one of her pigtails comfortingly with a gloved hand. England has always been strong and America has always admired that, but her words are no less true: England has survived a lot and America knows she always will fight her hardest through anything, but the younger nation promised to always be there at her side as an equal, because she didn't have to do it all alone. America doesn't want her to. ]

[and of course England hates being on her own. not all the time, but most of the time. it's very scary reaching out because she's been hurt so many times and she has a lot of trouble forgetting and forgiving. it's nice to be comforted, though, even though she knows it won't last long and finally, she does relax, enough to even close her eyes.

she was suddenly feeling tired. in a good way. it means she isn't all wound up anymore]

You're the one who's stubborn.

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it's pretty lonely at achtenberg

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I must sleep now, but I'll be back later!

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