voice testing

[onlysanemanintown]

Yeah yeah, Father's Day, you and your fascination with the contrast between me and Dad. Is that the only reason you made this account instead of bringing back Kyle? Cause if you wanted to bring him back instead I'd be fine with it.

...well, if you really wanna play me, can we at least pretend those two episodes never happened? I'd rather not have to think about seeing my best friend as a pile of talking shit or him going into business with Cartman.

Comments

[learnedsomething]

I know! We should never have listened to Cartman about anything.

Your memory's playing tricks on you. It most definitely is that bad.

[onlysanemanintown]

Yeah, pretty much. I can only think of like, one time where his schemes were actually useful, like with that asshole in Warcraft.

I can think of worse hair!

[learnedsomething]

We could have done that without him. That way, we wouldn't have had to smell his shit.

You so can't.

[onlysanemanintown]

...oh, yeah. [cringe] That's something we didn't need to see or smell!

Sure I can! Uh...Mr. Mackey's!

[learnedsomething]

Yeah. But hey, your dad was pretty cool that time.

I would so rather have Mr Mackey's hair than this.

[onlysanemanintown]

He was, wasn't he? Giving his character's life to get that sword to us.

You'd rather be bald with a bunch of strings on your head?

[learnedsomething]

Totally. My dad wouldn't have bothered to even play at all.

Okay, no, that's worse. But maybe I should shove bubblegum in my hair so Mom has to let me have it shaved off.

[onlysanemanintown]

Yeah. Too bad, your dad might actually be pretty good at it.

Eww, seriously? Gum? And won't your mom totally lose her shit?

[learnedsomething]

Remember the sexual harassment lawsuits? Now imagine my dad in World of Warcraft. He'd never actually play the game.

I'll say Cartman did it. She'll lose her shit at him and I'll lose the afro.

[onlysanemanintown]

...oh yeah. That whole experience sure sucked ass, but the Island of Misfit Mascots was sort of cool.

Good plan. He'd probably do something like that anyway, too, so it won't even be a real lie.

[learnedsomething]

Lots of stuff that happens to us sucks ass. [He fidgets.] Do you think Craig had a point about all that? You know, that we go looking for trouble or some shit?

And he'll get in trouble for it! Man, why haven't I tried this before?

[onlysanemanintown]

You know, sometimes I wonder about that too. [pause] ...no, no way dude. Trouble just finds us! Remember when we got the Okama Gamesphere? We didn't ask for Towelie to bother us and then all that shit to happen when we just wanted to play our game!

Better late than never! ...I wonder if I can blame him next time Sparky pees on the rug.

[learnedsomething]

Yeah, that's true. But what about that time Al Gore got us trapped in a cave? We should have just told him to go fuck himself.

Sure! Tell your parents he was force-feeding Sparky liquids.

[onlysanemanintown]

Yeah...but that was mostly my fault. [embarrassed] I felt sorry for the asshole, he didn't have any friends and he kept crying at me.

Or just tell them Cartman did the peeing.

[learnedsomething]

Oh, yeah. You're too nice sometimes, dude.

[Kyle wrinkles his nose. Did not need that mental image.]

Ugh, yeah, that's unfortunately believable. Just make sure the rug's clean by the next time I come over.

[onlysanemanintown]

Yeah, only sometimes!

[Sorry dude]

I'll see what kind of industrial-strength cleaner I can find at the store.

[learnedsomething]

But even Craig can't blame us for that shit with the homeless people or when the economy hit the crapper. Right?

Good. Or I'm never coming over again.

[Wow, what a dire threat that he totally wouldn't even be able to carry out.]

[onlysanemanintown]

Exactly! We didn't ask for that, and the economy shit was all my dad's fault! Thanks for putting a stop to that, by the way. That was awesome.

Got it. [laughs]

[learnedsomething]

It's cool, dude. Someone with a basic understanding of economics had to step in and I still owe you for the kidney.

...You don't still pee in the shower, right?

[onlysanemanintown]

Glad we're even, then!

...um. Only sometimes? I mean, if no one's using it after me.

[learnedsomething]

Yeah. But if you want to really show your appreciation, you could go water my Farmville crops or tell people that I'm not really dating Cartman.

Sick, dude! I'm never using your shower when I stay over again.

[onlysanemanintown]

Dude, is Cartman still telling people that? ...I could tell everyone he's really dating Butters, but that'd be pretty mean to Butters.

[oh, jeez...be patient, Stan, everyone has their squicks] All right all right, I'll stop peeing in the shower!

[learnedsomething]

I don't know if he's telling people that to piss me off or if he's just not bothered to set things straight to piss me off, but people still think I'm dating him! Yeah, I guess that would be mean to Butters...but this is really pissing me off, Stan!

[Triumphant smile time.] Good. Think you can manage to wash your hands after you pee, too?

[onlysanemanintown]

Dude, it's Cartman. Pissing you off is his bread and butter. [facepalm. Kyle really should learn to ignore the fatass, but...] Maybe if we can get Butters in on the whole thing. He likes Cartman better than we do anyway so it shouldn't be hard for him to fake it.

Sure, why not? And don't worry about Dad peeing in the shower anymore, either, Mom's been trying to make him stop.

[learnedsomething]

Yeah, and then it'd be fatass's turn to be annoyed. I mean, it wouldn't be so fucking bad if it was just him saying it and everyone ignoring him, but it's not! I told you about Token thinking I was coming on to him, right?

Oh, God. I don't know why I'm surprised that your dad does that, other than the fact that it's fucking gross and no one should ever do it!

[onlysanemanintown]

Yeah, you did. I dunno why he'd think that, it was pretty obvious you were into Nichole.

Dude, it's my dad. Sometimes I wonder if he's just gross for the sake of it.

[learnedsomething]

Yeah! And look how well that turned out for me thanks to fatass.

Hey, at least he's not shitting and calling it music any longer.

[onlysanemanintown]

I hope next time he falls for a girl he loses out cause Butters is hanging all over him.

Oh God, don't remind me of that. [His brief stint as a cynic is something he'd soon like to forget...at least he no longer needs the booze not to see the world as shit] I almost liked his cooking fetish better than that, even though his food sucked.

[learnedsomething]

He wouldn't even need Butters to mess it up for him. Who'd want to go out with that sack of shit?

Your mom must be a saint, dude. Mine would wreck the place in a fit of rage rather than deal with that sort of crap.

[onlysanemanintown]

Well, Wendy did at one point. [grumble] I'm just glad she got over it. [Even back when he missed her and was in his depressed goth phase, he was at least slightly glad that she'd picked Token instead. At least Token's a good guy.]

Sometimes I wish my mom were more like yours.

[learnedsomething]

Yeah, she liked him for a whole day or whatever it was. That's probably as long as anyone can stand him.

[Stare.

Stare and gape.]

Dude. No.

[onlysanemanintown]

Yeah. ...I still wish she hadn't had to kiss him, though.

Hey, I know your mom's kind of a bitch but if she were around Dad might not do so many stupid things!

[learnedsomething]

Yeah. Now you've kissed Cartman by proxy.

Dude, she almost had Terrence and Philip killed!

[onlysanemanintown]

...oh, sick! Remind me to kick that fatass's ass next time I see him!

Oh yeah. Man, that was so long ago...but she saw the light! She's become more open minded lately! ...sort of. At least she's not as bad as Butters's mom.

[learnedsomething]

You know, I'm totally all for you kicking his ass and you should do it anyway, but that actually wasn't his fault.

God, yeah. I would hate to have his parents.

[onlysanemanintown]

I guess not. But still, after all the shit he pulled with her during the morning announcements I don't want him anywhere near her.

I keep hoping one day the authorities will stop being stupid and do something about them.

[learnedsomething]

No way, dude! I'm rooting for her to kick his ass and humiliate him again.

That might happen if everyone on the current police force gets replaced. Maybe.

[onlysanemanintown]

While that would be totally sweet, what if she accidentally kills him? Then we'll have to hide the body and it could be hard to find a spot big enough.

Yeah. I actually hate Yates more than Barbrady, at least Barbrady was just dumb.