/regrets nothing

[the_mf_kraken]

[IT'S JUST THE KRAKEN, GUYS. YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD ELDRITCH ABOMINATION.

IT JUST WANTS A HUG. IT'S VERY LONELY.

COME HUG IT. ALL THESE TENTACLES ARE SO IT CAN HUG YOU BETTER.]

RAWWRRR.

Comments

[tidal_trickster]

[Woah this is huge! ...This is going to be fun.]

To the briny deep with you!

[Fizz dives into the water and starts torpedoing toward the giant Kraken.]

[the_mf_kraken]

[TENTACLES GO FLAIL. YESSS, COME CLOSER.]

RARRRRRRRRRRR

[Translation: WELL HELLO GOOD SIR!]

[tidal_trickster]

[Wait... It TALKS?

Fizz pauses in his swimming.]

...You can understand me?

[the_mf_kraken]

[IT'S A THOUSAND YEAR OLD BEING, OF COURSE IT TALKS.]

RAWWRWRRR.

[translation: OF COURSE I DO, YOU THINK ME A COMMON SQUID SIR?]

[tidal_trickster]

Well. yes. I did. I was going to have fun battling you.

[the_mf_kraken]

[TENTACLE FLAIL.]

GARWWWARRRGGG.

[Translation: THAT'S VERY CRUEL. I HAVEN'T EVEN DESTROYED ANY CITIES THIS MONTH. DO COMMON SQUIDS DO THAT? I THINK NOT.]

[tidal_trickster]

[Fizz huffs a bit childishly.]

Hey, the last time I saw a giant sea creature, it tried destroying a pirate town. He's now my pet.

[the_mf_kraken]

RAWWWRRGGGHHHRRNNN.

[translation: THAT'S SLAVERY. THAT WAS MY COUSIN PHIL. HIS KIDS MISS HIM. HIS WIFE NOW HAS TO WORK THREE JOBS DESTROYING SHIPS. ARE YOU PLEASED WITH YOURSELF?]

[tidal_trickster]

What!? Chomper's not my slave!

...Do dragon-sharks really work that way?

[the_mf_kraken]

RARARARWRRRGHHARRR

[translation: YES. WE DO. IT'S A LUCRATIVE BUT CUT THROAT BUSINESS BEING A ABOMINATION.]

[tidal_trickster]

[Fizz rubs the back of his head awkwardly.]

...Well... how come Chomper lever leaves me then?

[the_mf_kraken]

GAWWRARRAGGG

[translation: BECAUSE WE'RE VERY LOYAL. ADDS A LITTLE BIT IF PROFESSIONALISM. EVEN ATROCITIES OF HUMAN NIGHTMARES HAVE STANDARDS YA KNOW.]

[tidal_trickster]

Oh! Okay. I'm glad Chomper's loyal. I like him! We have lots of fun together.

[chucknorris_dino]

[CHOMP Gon bites down on one of the tentacles.

You're the biggest squid he's ever met, and he's hungry too.]

[the_mf_kraken]

[OW! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS THING?!?!

FLAILS THE TENTACLE THAT IS BITTEN. THIS IS NOT THE HUGGING IT HAD IN MIND.]

--ARRRGGGGWWRRR.

[Translation: GET OFF ME, YOU HORRID CREATURE.]

[chucknorris_dino]

[If Gon could talk right now he would, but instead he's only gonna respond by biting down harder.]

[the_mf_kraken]

[THIS IS MOST UNCIVILISED.

OH FUCK IT, WHATEVER. SO GON GETS TO GO SMASHYSMASHY ON ONE OF THE CONVIENANTLY LYING AROUND SHIPS.]

GAWWRFFFFRRRR

[chucknorris_dino]

[One ship? Pffft. Two ships? You're gonna have to try better than that. But after the fifth Gon looses his grip and falls into the water]

Grrrrrr GON!

[Gon dives to seize another tentacle.]

[the_mf_kraken]

[SUCCESS-- WAIT NO. FUCK. GODAAMNIT IT. DIE YOU ANNOYING DINOSAUR.]

ARWWRWRRAGRGHHAR

[FLAILING. SO MUCH FLAILING. GOING TO SMASH YOU ON THE SHORE RIGHT NOW.]

[chucknorris_dino]

[That's right keep flailing and...

Chomp!

Gotcha! Gon bites again on one of the coming tentacles and like a steel trap he's not letting go.]

[the_mf_kraken]

[NO. NO YAY. GET OFF. SMASH INTO A LIGHTHOUSE YOU GO.]

GAWWWWWWWWARG

[chucknorris_dino]

[And SMASH!

Oh now he's pissed.

After hitting the lighthouse, he's like a little crocodile, Gon twirls his entire body trying to tear off large piece of the limb (or maybe the entire thing).]

[dudeoflead]

Fucking Disney CGI is the best.

[the_mf_kraken]

RAWWRGRRRR

[TENTACLE FLAIL OF AGREEMENT.

[dudeoflead]

Keep on, you nightmarish freak atrocity. You cool in the Book of Kirk Lazarus.

[the_mf_kraken]

RAWWRGGRRR

[TENTACLE BRO-FIST TO YOU, SIR. HOPE IT DOESN'T SQUISH YOU.]

[dudeoflead]

[HE'S ROBERT DOWNEY JUNIOR MOTHERFUCKER HE CAN HANDLE IT

rock on, kraken]

[the_mf_kraken]

[ROCK ON RDJ. ROCK ON.]

[schroedingers_swordsman]

How would you like to get hitched onto a floating pirate city and tow us towards a rift in reality?