dear_mun | The end result of a wonderful, awful idea.

They say some people tend to rush towards self-destruction, friend.

Friend? What friend?
You cannot mean me.
Is some other friend here?
One that I cannot see?

It's a turn of phrase! Did I offend? I do apologize.

[Apology accepted?
Sorry, you'll get the brunt
Of a withering glare
And a disgruntled grunt.]

Must you always rhyme?

I've considered rhyming
A display of sharp wit.
It's all in the timing,
I think. Isn't it?

I suppose everyone must have their gimmick.

Green isn't your color.

[Not his color?! The nerve.
The Grinch narrows his eyes.
He won't stand for this slander.
He won't stand for these lies.]

I believe... [...said the Grinch...]
You're mistaken, my dear.
Hold your tongue, else you'll have
Something bigger to fear.

Oh, I'm shaking in my vines.

[Her voice takes a more serious tone.] Are you aware of the genocide you have taken part in?

[Now this gives him great pause.
Is he really to blame
for genocide?
Go on. You'll have to explain.]

Every year, thousands-- if not millions-- of innocent fir trees are slaughtered in the name of Christ, their corpses ritualistically ornamented and put on display until they rot, at which time they're thrown to the curb like old garbage.

That's what you represent.

I represent nothing.
Nothing but hate
For the trees all lit up,
For the Roast Beast on plates.

If there's one thing I hate,
It's that lame holiday.
I never could stand
Such disgusting displays

Of great tidings and cheer.
Good Will To All Men.
Christmas fills me with hatred.
Time and time again.

... Hm. I wonder how you would get along with Julian.

Perhaps I was hasty to judge. It has been a while since I read the old stories.

Are you doing that on purpose?

[He grins a large grin.]
And what if I am?
Will you turn me to jelly
or Whockleberry Jam?

What-berry jam?

What're you reading out of, a book of nursery rhymes?

[The Grinch cackles and snorts.]
I have no time to read.
When you live in a cave,
There's really no need.

It's not a waste of time if he's already using it. [AW SHIT GRINCH

YOU READY FOR SOME OPTIMISM ALL UP IN YOUR GRINCHY GREEN GRILL]

Don't encourage the boy!
That's the last thing he needs!
It's her fault to begin with.
All that talk about Thneeds!

Had your mun not enabled
My mun into this,
I would not be here shouting
Into the abyss.

It's not an abyss if people are talking back to you. I mean, abysses have to be empty. This place really isn't.

[OH YAY, RHYMING. Puck frowns for a moment, thinking, and then:]

There's no need to fuss,
since your problem's quite tame.
It could always be worse:
you could be in a game.

True. [The Grinch shrugs.]
I could be in a game.
Though he thinks that my syntax
Would drive him insane.

He'll rise to the challenge,
[Puck said with a smirk]
Humans are ingenious-
I'm sure it will work.

[THERE'S SOMETHING FAMILIAR ABOUT YOU.....]

Seriously? You're not in any position to judge, man.

[The Grinch squints and he squints
Then he gasps in alarm!
The last time he saw you,
You were only green arms!]

Could it be...? No, it couldn't.
It's been such a long time.
And what's worse! Oh, what's worse.
You don't even rhyme!

[jfc, looks like we have a nutball on our ~~fashionably green~~ hands.]

Um, should I? If it's a prerequisite for getting into your crazy club, I'm noooot so sure I want to give it a try now. I don't even know how to rhyme...

You.

M-Me? [he points to himself!]

I've been looking for you.

[ONCE-LER A HOT BARELY-CLOTHED GREEN LADY HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU

TAKE THAT AS YOU WILL]

[woah hold the friggin phone what do you mean this isn't awesome.]

E-Er. Really? I-I mean, are you totally, completely, absolutely sure? I've been told that I have one of - those - faces. The, uh. The really common ones.

[is this reeeeeal life]

Mm, no. I think I've finally found my man.

[oh wow are those vines?

thorny vines?

and they're coming right for you holy fuck get away]

[hey, give him some credit: he's quite spry, long legs aside. that doesn't mean jumping away from her is anything more than a flaily, clumsy effort, though.]

Woah woah woah! Cool it! What happened to starting slow?!

Now now, be a good little murderer and stay still for me while I kill you.

[WHERE ARE ALL THESE VINES COMING FROM

WHERE]

[and him without an axe. welp.

time to run.]

No, seriously...! Can't we - GYAAH! [wow, did you see the way he leaped over that vine? hardcore parkour right here, ladies and gents.] - Can't we find a nice coffee shop or something?! Talk it out over muffins?

Oh, like you talked it out with the rare species of tree you drove to the brink of extinction?

I don't think so.

Bring me his heart, babies! [oh, now some roses have sprouted out of the ground and are going for his ankles]

[oh gosh not another psychotic hippie out for his blood. the difference here is that this one actually might mean it.]

No, see, it's all good! Really! I'm gonna make things -

[oof. that would be him tripping over...gosh, who can tell anymore? vines to his left, roses to his right, it's like someone opened up a botanical garden smackdab in the underworld.

he feels something curl around an ankle as he scrambles to pull something out of his vest pocket.]

I'm trying to make things better!

[The plants curl around her affectionately as she walks toward him, looking at him with the most disgusted expression he's seen on a face that wasn't his mother's.]

Are you?

[he nods furiously.] I am! Look, see?!

[he pulls something out that's about as big as a walnut, easily identifiable as a seed. if you can get past the way it's shaking in his hand, of course.]

[Her eyes widen when she sees the seed, and she's kneeling inches away from his face within seconds.]

Give it to me.

Shut up.

[Really.] Is that truly
All you have to say?
Either speak up, say more,
Or stay out of my way.

No.

How about you say something. Do you feel you have to rhyme in order to hide the fact that everything you have to say is without merit or any deeper meaning?

You're very good at rhyming, sir.

Don't be so grumpy, Grinch
It doesn't become you at all
Come and site down a bit
I've got coffee and rum balls

[ the rhyming tho... ]

The end result of a wonderful, awful idea.

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you are weak

Only room for one lean, mean, green machine.

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did somebody say lean mean green machine

Awwww shit.

i am so sorry

No apologies.

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BALLS TO THE WALL

my neck my back

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