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[The truth of the matter is commandeering Jimmy's body is one of the most regrettable actions he's ever had to take. Being around Dean, experiencing that morality... he certainly doesn't feel good about taking away the man's life.
But he has no alternative. Jimmy's face is who he represents to Dean, and he could never live with the idea of taking away the life of another human being. Certainly not Claire. Jimmy wouldn't want that anyway, and the number of alternative vessels is... very small.
When he speaks, it's as gentle and rational as he can make it come across, considering this method of communication is more mental than anything.]
What would you have me do? I swore to protect your family, and I assume that means from myself as well.
But he has no alternative. Jimmy's face is who he represents to Dean, and he could never live with the idea of taking away the life of another human being. Certainly not Claire. Jimmy wouldn't want that anyway, and the number of alternative vessels is... very small.
When he speaks, it's as gentle and rational as he can make it come across, considering this method of communication is more mental than anything.]
What would you have me do? I swore to protect your family, and I assume that means from myself as well.
[He regrets agreeing. With the kind of clarity he didn't have back then. But he wanted to be... special. So badly he believed in every word, even when he could barely understand them.
It still puts everything into sharp focus. The kind of life he used to have, the one he took for granted. All of it's gone now, but the fragments are there, and he's never been good at glueing things together.
He knows he has Castiel's gratitude. But...he's not going to lie, and he probably can't, but it still sends bolts of cold down his (their) spine, just hearing his voice.]
I don't know! Just-- alright, you, at least I'm used to you! She's-- she's different and I can't... I can't do this again.
It still puts everything into sharp focus. The kind of life he used to have, the one he took for granted. All of it's gone now, but the fragments are there, and he's never been good at glueing things together.
He knows he has Castiel's gratitude. But...he's not going to lie, and he probably can't, but it still sends bolts of cold down his (their) spine, just hearing his voice.]
I don't know! Just-- alright, you, at least I'm used to you! She's-- she's different and I can't... I can't do this again.
Who are you? Look, just-- just stay away from me.
[He is so tired of dealing with Angels.]
[He is so tired of dealing with Angels.]
[Castiel meant every word, at the time. He means them now, too. Jimmy is very special- only a small percentage of the world's population harbor the type of blood, mind, and soul capable of harboring an angel. That he was able to withstand it even as Castiel was promoted to archangel status is truly impressive.
But that isn't what makes Jimmy special. He gave himself, wholly and truly, to protect his daughter. Given his fondness for Dean Winchester, it's a trait he truly finds admirable. He's honored to be harbored within Jimmy. Honored to share his face.
Which doesn't mean he has the capability to give Jimmy what he's asking.]
With or without your permission, I refuse to take her.
[It's a statement of fact. Regrettable, but his sense of right and wrong is more clearly defined now that he's spent time with humanity. There is absolutely no way he would consider Claire as an alternative.]
Even if I were to vacate you permanently, surely you must know it would not stop you from being hunted. You're a target simply because I chose to reside in you. They'll kill you for revenge, or because they think it will limit my interference.
But that isn't what makes Jimmy special. He gave himself, wholly and truly, to protect his daughter. Given his fondness for Dean Winchester, it's a trait he truly finds admirable. He's honored to be harbored within Jimmy. Honored to share his face.
Which doesn't mean he has the capability to give Jimmy what he's asking.]
With or without your permission, I refuse to take her.
[It's a statement of fact. Regrettable, but his sense of right and wrong is more clearly defined now that he's spent time with humanity. There is absolutely no way he would consider Claire as an alternative.]
Even if I were to vacate you permanently, surely you must know it would not stop you from being hunted. You're a target simply because I chose to reside in you. They'll kill you for revenge, or because they think it will limit my interference.
[He wants to believe him. Part of him, he thinks, will probably always believe him. And a promise is a promise, and he knows that (most of the time), Castiel would keep them.
He doesn't know what's changed, exactly. Probably time on the outside. Probably the company he keeps. There's a difference, he's pretty sure. He used to be so distant. And he's still a comet. Will still burn him up, probably without meaning to. That's what comets do, after all.
He's gotten used to bridges that won't be crossed. But part of him still wishes he wasn't. Probably always will.
There's a lot of probably's these days.]
I know, okay , I was there the last time. But can't we just-- I don't know, time share on this? Or something? I don't know.
He doesn't know what's changed, exactly. Probably time on the outside. Probably the company he keeps. There's a difference, he's pretty sure. He used to be so distant. And he's still a comet. Will still burn him up, probably without meaning to. That's what comets do, after all.
He's gotten used to bridges that won't be crossed. But part of him still wishes he wasn't. Probably always will.
There's a lot of probably's these days.]
I know, okay , I was there the last time. But can't we just-- I don't know, time share on this? Or something? I don't know.
Oh, god, no. I'm-- my name's Jimmy Novak, that's all.
[People who Cas had dealings with are usually Angels, who he doesn't like much, and Demons, who he likes less. So he's not giving you where he's from. At all.]
[People who Cas had dealings with are usually Angels, who he doesn't like much, and Demons, who he likes less. So he's not giving you where he's from. At all.]
My bad, dude! Went to fix the spelling, broke the html and the thread flow. /Facepalm
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lengthofrope
2012-06-03 11:53 am (UTC)(link)
[Castiel will keep all of his promises, as long as they're feasibly in his power, especially in regards to Jimmy, who certainly managed to earn it. And if he had any other choice, any alternative, he would certainly take it.
But he doesn't. Staying away isn't an option, not anymore. If he were being... really and truly honest, he could probably carry on without a vessel. Most of his troubles lay in heaven, now. It's his fondness for Earth, for humanity, that leaves him refusing to accept it as an option. Relinquishing hold on his vessel would mean cutting all of his ties. Giving up emotion, sunlight, brothels and alcohol and streets and parks and people. To Sam, to Bobby Singer, and most especially, to Dean. That simply isn't an option he's willing to consider.]
A... Time share?
[That actually manages to trip him up, and his tone changes from regretful to puzzled. He searches his mind for a definition beyond the obvious. Time share. Where multiple people own land. Land, he's assuming, in this case, would be Jimmy's body.
That's... unrealistic, but not entirely unfeasible, given the right precautions.]
You're aware you wouldn't be able to return to your family without presenting a danger to them? They would once again be targeted, and I don't have the capability to keep a constant monitor on them.
But he doesn't. Staying away isn't an option, not anymore. If he were being... really and truly honest, he could probably carry on without a vessel. Most of his troubles lay in heaven, now. It's his fondness for Earth, for humanity, that leaves him refusing to accept it as an option. Relinquishing hold on his vessel would mean cutting all of his ties. Giving up emotion, sunlight, brothels and alcohol and streets and parks and people. To Sam, to Bobby Singer, and most especially, to Dean. That simply isn't an option he's willing to consider.]
A... Time share?
[That actually manages to trip him up, and his tone changes from regretful to puzzled. He searches his mind for a definition beyond the obvious. Time share. Where multiple people own land. Land, he's assuming, in this case, would be Jimmy's body.
That's... unrealistic, but not entirely unfeasible, given the right precautions.]
You're aware you wouldn't be able to return to your family without presenting a danger to them? They would once again be targeted, and I don't have the capability to keep a constant monitor on them.
Yeah, a time share.
[He was mostly stumbling in the dark. Just trying to find something to say, to keep the conversation going. And now that he's found something approaching a grip, well, he's going to see where it goes.
He knows it's too much to ask, to see them again. But he remembers what happened the last time. More than anything else on Earth, he just wants them safe. And if safe means he's not there.... okay, he's still not going to like it. Nobody with a soul or something approaching one would. But safe is better than unsafe, even if it means he's not there.]
No, no, I kinda learned that one last time. [The regret doesn't leave his tone, but he rallies all the same.]
Just. I don't know, maybe once a month I could just. Walk around and get something to eat? Nothing major or anything. And if some of, uh, those guys [demons and angels and the folks in between] show up, uh, well, you know. [You can take over.]
[He sold ad time on AM radio. He can do this.]
[He was mostly stumbling in the dark. Just trying to find something to say, to keep the conversation going. And now that he's found something approaching a grip, well, he's going to see where it goes.
He knows it's too much to ask, to see them again. But he remembers what happened the last time. More than anything else on Earth, he just wants them safe. And if safe means he's not there.... okay, he's still not going to like it. Nobody with a soul or something approaching one would. But safe is better than unsafe, even if it means he's not there.]
No, no, I kinda learned that one last time. [The regret doesn't leave his tone, but he rallies all the same.]
Just. I don't know, maybe once a month I could just. Walk around and get something to eat? Nothing major or anything. And if some of, uh, those guys [demons and angels and the folks in between] show up, uh, well, you know. [You can take over.]
[He sold ad time on AM radio. He can do this.]
[He's never heard of the concept before. Then again, considering the type of morality most angels held, he doubted many of them even bothered to communicate with their vessels after permission was granted. They were largely forgotten, suppressed until their soul pierced the veil and passed on to Heaven. He thought it would be the case with Jimmy, but perhaps he was giving Jimmy too much attention for him to properly be snuffed out.
It seemed degrading, it seemed... it seemed wrong, somehow, to snub Jimmy's soul from his body- which was only causing him more pain, in the long run, despite Castiel's good intentions. The road to hell, evidently. Castiel was paving it more so than any other sentient being. Besides, perhaps, Lucifer. He tried not to dwell on that thought.
He considers Jimmy's request carefully, looking for strategic flaws, looking for disadvantages, looking for any reason why this might be a stupid, idiotic idea.
The reasons he finds are slim and easily repairable.]
...There would have to be some modifications.
[You're going to have to get a tattoo, Jimmy. Bet they didn't make that a requirement for AM radio sales.]
I would also prefer that you had a guard.
It seemed degrading, it seemed... it seemed wrong, somehow, to snub Jimmy's soul from his body- which was only causing him more pain, in the long run, despite Castiel's good intentions. The road to hell, evidently. Castiel was paving it more so than any other sentient being. Besides, perhaps, Lucifer. He tried not to dwell on that thought.
He considers Jimmy's request carefully, looking for strategic flaws, looking for disadvantages, looking for any reason why this might be a stupid, idiotic idea.
The reasons he finds are slim and easily repairable.]
...There would have to be some modifications.
[You're going to have to get a tattoo, Jimmy. Bet they didn't make that a requirement for AM radio sales.]
I would also prefer that you had a guard.
That's all?
Don't you know that not just anyone can host an angel? We're not like demons, you know. We won't accept just any old lump of rotting, putrid meat. You're special, Jimmy Novak, and you were born especially for Castiel's purposes, whether you want it or not.
[)8 you make Lucifer so sad with your mistrust.]
Don't you know that not just anyone can host an angel? We're not like demons, you know. We won't accept just any old lump of rotting, putrid meat. You're special, Jimmy Novak, and you were born especially for Castiel's purposes, whether you want it or not.
[)8 you make Lucifer so sad with your mistrust.]
just a heads up, but i'm probably off to sleep after this tag
frompontiac
2012-06-03 12:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Wait, really?
[Part of him, he admits, wasn't sure he'd agree. But that bridge has been crossed. Actually crossed, not a metaphor for burning it along the way. But there's relief, and it's real and tangible as the starchy tie he's still wearing.
He shakes his head, almost laughing. Not quite, because this isn't ever going to be a funny joke to him, but it's almost there. A rush of air more than anything. That relief again. He wasn't sure he'd ever feel that again.]
Okay. Okay, I can-- we can work with that, though, right? The general idea's still good?
[He doesn't do head tilts. He never looks like an owl. But he does look a bit confused for a second.]
Well, uh, where can we find one of those?
[Part of him, he admits, wasn't sure he'd agree. But that bridge has been crossed. Actually crossed, not a metaphor for burning it along the way. But there's relief, and it's real and tangible as the starchy tie he's still wearing.
He shakes his head, almost laughing. Not quite, because this isn't ever going to be a funny joke to him, but it's almost there. A rush of air more than anything. That relief again. He wasn't sure he'd ever feel that again.]
Okay. Okay, I can-- we can work with that, though, right? The general idea's still good?
[He doesn't do head tilts. He never looks like an owl. But he does look a bit confused for a second.]
Well, uh, where can we find one of those?
[There's that word again. Special.]
Stop it with the special! I know! I thought I did, anyway! And you know what?
It's not worth it. It's not!
Stop it with the special! I know! I thought I did, anyway! And you know what?
It's not worth it. It's not!
It's cool, homes! Not a bad idea for me, either. /Nocturnal
lengthofrope
2012-06-03 12:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[He has to quell the feeling of amusement at Jimmy's surprise. It was a reasonable request, his argument held logic, and yet he was surprised by Castiel's acceptance of it?
In reality, he's more than happy to do anything that makes Jimmy's existence easier.
Pending it doesn't interfere with the safety of his friends, or his security on Earth.]
It's... workable. I can do much of my work in heaven without a vessel. It wouldn't be for extended period of time, and I may not be able to forewarn you before re-inhabiting if the situation is urgent. You would have to keep connections to a minimum.
[The guard issue, on the other hand... Well, he'd been primarily considering the Winchesters. Though they were reckless, they were also the safest place for Jimmy to be. Dean would likely consider it to be a form of babysitting, so they wouldn't be a constant solution, but they were definitely an option.
Perhaps Bobby Singer, he knows of no safer place in the United States than that man's house.]
I have candidates in mind.
In reality, he's more than happy to do anything that makes Jimmy's existence easier.
Pending it doesn't interfere with the safety of his friends, or his security on Earth.]
It's... workable. I can do much of my work in heaven without a vessel. It wouldn't be for extended period of time, and I may not be able to forewarn you before re-inhabiting if the situation is urgent. You would have to keep connections to a minimum.
[The guard issue, on the other hand... Well, he'd been primarily considering the Winchesters. Though they were reckless, they were also the safest place for Jimmy to be. Dean would likely consider it to be a form of babysitting, so they wouldn't be a constant solution, but they were definitely an option.
Perhaps Bobby Singer, he knows of no safer place in the United States than that man's house.]
I have candidates in mind.
[Lucifer wants to laugh. It's like hearing a worm suddenly sit up and declare it no longer wants to roll around in the dirt but fly instead.
But he smiles sympathetically.] Heaven doesn't care whether you think it is or not. They see you all as no more than stepping stones on the way to Armageddon.
But he smiles sympathetically.] Heaven doesn't care whether you think it is or not. They see you all as no more than stepping stones on the way to Armageddon.
[Well, by Earth standards it's pretty logical. For all he knows, Heaven operates much, much differently. Considering they didn't seem to cover things like sleeping and eating.
But still, the relief is there. He's not sure there's any such thing as a perfect situation, but anything that means he's more... human, that's a place to start. And maybe there's a part of him that's actually surprised by Castiel, because the last time they spoke things were much... Colder.]
I'm not really expecting any miracles. But... I think this might actually work? More than... the alternatives, I guess. I'll try to manage, anyway.
[He's met Dean and Sam before. In fact, that's the first thought he goes to. But they probably move around a lot and have better things to do than watch over him. Well, at least as far as he can guess.]
You do?
But still, the relief is there. He's not sure there's any such thing as a perfect situation, but anything that means he's more... human, that's a place to start. And maybe there's a part of him that's actually surprised by Castiel, because the last time they spoke things were much... Colder.]
I'm not really expecting any miracles. But... I think this might actually work? More than... the alternatives, I guess. I'll try to manage, anyway.
[He's met Dean and Sam before. In fact, that's the first thought he goes to. But they probably move around a lot and have better things to do than watch over him. Well, at least as far as he can guess.]
You do?
[He knows he doesn't actually matter much, outside of being a vessel. She was right, and he should've listened to her. But he didn't, and now he knows he should've listened to her.]
I'm not exactly a member of their fanclub, either. But...well, there's not much I can really do about it.
I'm not exactly a member of their fanclub, either. But...well, there's not much I can really do about it.
[Heaven does operate much differently- though Jimmy shouldn't remember any of his experiences there. Taking one's vessel to heaven is something beyond the vessel's comprehension. If he knew what it was like to become a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent, he might cut Castiel a little more slack.
Cas isn't entirely proud of who he'd been when they last took the time to speak, but it had been necessary at the time. His greatest regret is the pain Jimmy's family will experience psychologically as a result of their last meeting, but that isn't something he has the ability or the interest in trying to help. Logically, he understands why it would be scarring, but that's about the limit his tenuous grasp on the human psyche can comprehend. He can't exactly empathize. He's a soldier. He's essentially geared toward horrific shit.]
There are no alternatives.
[It's a correction- a simple statement of fact. He isn't vacating Jimmy's vessel on any permanent basis under any conditions. Not even for a period that extends longer than a week on Earth. It's simply too risky. Jimmy is too precious to be left unattended, not for any length of time, and certainly neither faction can hear of his occasional abandonment.]
Yes. And I... apologize in advance for one of them. Sensitivity isn't his strong suit. Also, he tends to be an idiot.
Cas isn't entirely proud of who he'd been when they last took the time to speak, but it had been necessary at the time. His greatest regret is the pain Jimmy's family will experience psychologically as a result of their last meeting, but that isn't something he has the ability or the interest in trying to help. Logically, he understands why it would be scarring, but that's about the limit his tenuous grasp on the human psyche can comprehend. He can't exactly empathize. He's a soldier. He's essentially geared toward horrific shit.]
There are no alternatives.
[It's a correction- a simple statement of fact. He isn't vacating Jimmy's vessel on any permanent basis under any conditions. Not even for a period that extends longer than a week on Earth. It's simply too risky. Jimmy is too precious to be left unattended, not for any length of time, and certainly neither faction can hear of his occasional abandonment.]
Yes. And I... apologize in advance for one of them. Sensitivity isn't his strong suit. Also, he tends to be an idiot.
[And you lost him.]
Fuck off.
[It's out before he can stop himself.
No more deals. Not if he can help it.]
Fuck off.
[It's out before he can stop himself.
No more deals. Not if he can help it.]
[Well, if Castiel knew what it was like to be human, he'd cut him some slack. See, they could meet in the middle, here. And Jimmy still may not be a happy camper, mostly because he might not like camping to begin with, but at this point he'd settle for a stable one.
He always dislikes ultimatums. Even the sort he knows are probably true. He doesn't know. Something in his brain sees them and tries to find ways around them. Maybe he learns best by learning the hard way. Don't make deals with comets. Don't try to talk to your family. Whatever comes along tomorrow.]
Wait, you mean... Dean, right? He wasn't...I dunno, he seemed alright to me.
[Mostly, Dean didn't say much when he was around last time. Now, Sam, he was the one who kept throwing up those roadblocks. But maybe things have changed.]
He always dislikes ultimatums. Even the sort he knows are probably true. He doesn't know. Something in his brain sees them and tries to find ways around them. Maybe he learns best by learning the hard way. Don't make deals with comets. Don't try to talk to your family. Whatever comes along tomorrow.]
Wait, you mean... Dean, right? He wasn't...I dunno, he seemed alright to me.
[Mostly, Dean didn't say much when he was around last time. Now, Sam, he was the one who kept throwing up those roadblocks. But maybe things have changed.]
[Don't even get Castiel started on the baffling behavior of humans- camping being a prime example. They spend hundreds of thousands of dollars and vast amounts of effort on creating a habitat by which to live and be proud of, then abandon it for a week to live in a flimsy cloth shelter in the middle of the woods. Why would one engineer indoor plumbing simply to abandon it? If it was more preferable than their standard way of living, why not elect to live that way instead?
Regardless, there are more important matters to puzzle over.
He raised his eyebrows.]
Perhaps you're mistaken. Dean is the shorter one. Likely holding copious quantities of alcohol and making inane references.
Regardless, there are more important matters to puzzle over.
He raised his eyebrows.]
Perhaps you're mistaken. Dean is the shorter one. Likely holding copious quantities of alcohol and making inane references.
[Oh, man. Sam's never talked to Jimmy, not since he died. So, there's an expression of mingled discomfort and guilt when he speaks.]
Uh... Hey. It's not as bad as it seems.
[Usually.]
Uh... Hey. It's not as bad as it seems.
[Usually.]
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